Her passion and imagination was so vast and so wild, it came curling from the top of her head
~M.J. FAHEL MCKIMZEY |
I'm a brave ragamuffin princess raised in SC! Bookdragon, Blogger, Vlogger Scriptsmith, Artisan ,&; Bard for Christ.
Yesterday, I shared a photo on facebook, which inspired a poem called Armed and Fully Loaded. I have it up on my Sea of Faces poetry compilation on Wattpad, but I'm also sharing it here and will explain to you how it speaks to me...
The Inspiration of the Poem
I am a child
Chosen to fight a war
A Spirit war in my soul
The heart of a monster wild
To steal, kill and destroy the poor
Yet the One who chose me came to make me whole
I've got the Word
I'm ready for a blitzkrieg
Armed and fully loaded I stand
Firm in the Most High Lord
I shan't be afraid I refuse to retreat
Because The Lord is at my right hand
Yes, devils and demons, it's fully loaded
And no I'm not afraid to use it!
For too long you have intruded
On The Lord's property, but now in His name you shall go to the pits!
At a not so distant time for me, I had taken quite a fancy to evil things and shadows. I was quite curious and it was fun at the time for me to explore occults, cults, demonic activity and horrific things. I invited demons into my thoughts, spirit and home... This had me on my knees and being ripped to shreds by them, until every bit of them seemed to be what I became... When I was able to stand up for myself, my faith, and my Lord... it was only when I had been run down and broken enough that I just wanted to "forget everything and run" away from it all... but instead, I chose to "face everything and rise" from these ashes and that is the story behind this, when I was inspired by that photo...Well, thank you guys for taking time to read this, and until next time...
The highland games was quite fun, Saturday! It was just extremely fun... hot... but cooled down a LOT by 4pm... I hadn't gotten one sunburn, and nobody got sick, which was a first. Uncle Bill and Aunt Becky were there... And daddy made the decision to wear his kilt everyday... oh my...
There were 20 Pipes and Drums bands this year... more than there has EVER been in the 8 years they've hosted this so it was phenomenal and awe-inspiring to hear them playing as one!
Well, when we got home... I was hot and very tired, but we cleaned the apartment a lil and then headed to bed, to prepare for the company the next day... We had some great fun then too! The parents went and watched The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy... and (most) of the kids stayed in the living room, playing video games and drawing, talking, and designing graphics... One of the guys, Aaron, helped me with the designing of this blog! :D
Also, I moved my radio show here, and this blog will now be a personal one! The weekly posts here are different from there too, if you have not noticed the sidebars! So, yeah! I hope you all have a greatrest of the day, and I will try to update both of my blogs!
UPDATE: I found this on Tumblr... and it's SUPPOSED to be for when I'm asked any of these... but I REALLY just wanted to answer them all here just for the sake of it(only cuz I've not done these tags in YEARS):
Hair: What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color?
Auburn looks best on me…(or so I’ve heard) my natural hair color is a
chocolate brown that looks black most times and shoots red vein-like
highlights when the sun hits it
Skin: Do you tan easily? Yes, quite easily... I burn then I tan :P
Eyes: What is your favorite show to watch? My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Nose: What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance? Vanilla Candle
Mouth: Do you want to kiss anyone right now? Yes.
Tongue: What was in your last meal?
Pizza (Canadian Bacon and Hamburger)
Windpipe: Do you sing?
Yes, I sing… often times too much… I sing in solitude, when in public,
and have random outbursts amongst my circle of family and friends.
Neck: Do you wear necklaces? Sometimes.
Ears: How many piercings do you have (if any)? None
Cheeks: Do you blush easily? Yes, I blush when I'm happy, embarrassed, and too manic
Wrists: Have you ever broken a bone? No
Hands: Are you an artist/writer? Yup!
Fingers: Do you play an instrument? Yes. A guitar, a Scottish tin whistle, and recycled precussion(bottles, ice cream cartons, etc.)
Heart: Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know? Yes, but he doesn't know
Lungs: Do you smoke cigarettes? Nope.
Chest: Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? yup...
Stomach: Do you feel confident in your body image? aye.
Back: Are you a virgin? mhmm...
Hips: Do you like to dance? yes, but not in front of people(unless I'm way deep into God, spiritually... that's when everyone kinda disappears for me)
Thighs: Has anyone ever called you fat or ugly? yes, to both.
Knees: Have you ever cheated on someone? nope
Ankles: Have you ever been arrested? uh... nope...
MINI-UPDATE ON THE GAMES!: This is my second time whupping a man's arse in a duel! The third time,
this particular guy beat me... but we were a tie! he actually had a
challenge with me!
Alrighty, today's Tuesday and SHOULD be on "People Like Us".... But I'm a lil rebel, today... :P
This week has been busy, lately... The business started this past Saturday... We left to Simpsonville to my Gramma Jeannette's house to finish cleaning out her house of what she had possessed before passing on. Then went to Main St. in Greenville to wander around the stores... We ate more gluten-free pizza from Trio Brickhouse Pizza, I believe it was called... After that we, once again, got gluten free and sugar free ice cream... (I got Ginger Cookie Ice Cream! Mmmm it was awesome!)... When we got home, I didn't have my meds so daddy had to go out late and get it for me...Passed out in my bed around 12:30am...
Sunday, I didn't sleep well, but I went to church anyway... I was also
going to be donating blood to blood connections as well, but they
pricked both my fingers to test my blood... my iron level was too low
also having had cut 6 weeks ago, that was another drawback....
The sermon was given to us by a guest(Reverend Dr. Bob Grant) I would like to share the points of the sermon that I liked most...
Fave quotes in it:
"...and what was David doing? Out with the sheep having a sandwich.... he was doing what was normal... oh and there's what you gotta watch out for... God likes to pick the normal people to be difference makers."
"And who here has felt like they didn't have enough faith?" *I bow my head in shame...* "Uh huh... and SOME of you are bowing your heads... being HONEST!" *I shoot my head back up*
"...and what Paul is saying here in this passage--the word literally means "sphere"... so you've got a measure of faith... now EVERYONE SAY THIS WITH ME! 'I have a measure of faith and it is enough to fill the sphere of responsibilities that I can work with'!"
After church, I went to talk to Reverend Dr. Grant, and talked to him... because I heard my pastor say he had one hosted a show in Colorado...I told him of what I've felt called to do with Soundwaves of Love...how I wished to go in a radio show ministry, focusing on those with broken hearts, mental illnesses, cutting habits, and suicidal idealization...Our conversation went a bit like this:
"I heard our pastor Charlie say that you hosted a radio show in
Colorado at one point..." and I told him of my ministry, that I've been
seeking signs that this is my calling and I received many, but I wasn't
sure it was from God... and I told him exactly what it pertained to...
he listened intently and then he said, "I'd like to pray for you. What's your name?"
"Arianna." I responded.
"Arianna? Did I say it right?" he asked me.
"Yes."
"Well,
Arianna, I'd like to pray for you. This radio show sounds great! And I
just hope it flourishes..." then he prayed over me, blessing me...
blessing my show... and then saying, "Help Arianna see what she believes
are disadvantages... to be truly strengths..." and he closed the prayer.
So, then we
went to Farmer's Table because we had a new member to our church... and were celebrating with our church.... I became rather childlike... and began to draw with crayons...
Celtic Trinity Knot and Greek Christ symbol (with Aneira's pink heart of approval)
Cross of Hope on the day's dawning....
Both drawings
So, Monday... I helped mum prepare for a meeting at her work all over again... So, heavy lifting, preparing tables, and setting out snacks... last night I helped with name badges and lists... but all that was catching up with me, after a while I passed out for a nap that afternoon, had supper, went to bed late... and slept almost all day today... I missed all of my daily projects, yesterday due to over-exertion.... and this week's only supposed to get busier...
All week we have to clean/tidy up a bit in the house by Friday... find clothes to wear by Saturday... then Saturday, go to the Highland Games! It's supposed to get hot that day, but I hope it isn't... ): This is the first one I'll be to with out Gramma Jeannette as well... so that'll be a lil hard for me... also, the highland games could very well spark some unwanted feelings, about a friend in the near-past... still a deep wound I'm recovering from... But, Sunday evening... we're having two families over as well! The theme is towels and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe!
I informed you about this story on this past Wednesday's post. So, here I am, posting it! I hope you guys enjoy it! (:
Inspired by: Meredith
Andrews’s “Worth it All”
There was a wine glass, favored of the lord of the house. He had created
it to shine golden in the sun, and twinkle sapphire in the starlight.
At the end of the day, the lord of the house would take a sip of wine in
this cup and sit himself down to play his highland. He, himself would
wash and dry it by hand, and place it gently in its place, hanging on
its own. He was extra careful for he knew its fragility, and knew how
precious it was.
But, one day when he came home for his glass. It was
not in its usual place. No, someone had taken it from the shelf. He
searched for it and saw it nowhere, having had created it in such a
special way it hurt that his unique piece of art was gone.
This wine glass, however was taken and stolen away. But, the thief-- a
Minotaur, did not see how precious the glass was. For it became like any
crystal wine glass for him, conforming to please the thief. He drank
merrily with the glass, and other crystal glasses as well. He did not
wash it the tenderly and carefully, shoved it into a cupboard. The glass
began to crack, slowly and subtly, while the other glasses cracked along with it, as the minotaur became drunk with wine. As he became intoxicated
once again in the stormy rain, he lost the precious glass. As the glass
rolled down to a muddy path, leading up to the Lord’s house, the water
half filled it and it sat there til the sun broke through the next
morning.
That morning, the Lord was taking a walk, and he saw the glass on the
path, the shattered places so distinct. His heart broke at the sight of
his glass, half full of muddy water. He reached down for the cup and
expertly tapped a tender spot. The glass shattered and broke on the
path. But a song raised to the Lord’s ears, a broken cry to be mended.
He moved his fingers through the air, coloured lights, pink for purity,
white for righteousness, sapphire for serenity, and violet for freedom
fixed the glass and raised the water high, as he cleansed it, it became
pure. He gently tapped the large glob of water transfiguring it to a
scarlet liquid, which fell into the mended glass as he took a sip of the
singing cup.
Carrying it to the house, the Lord washed it and dried it, tenderly and
gently. Then placing it in its place, he smiled in good pleasure over
the glass, now flowing in a new way. Golden flames sapphire water,
white, violet and pink lights filling the sky as a sunrise would do. As
the lord turned around, and took his seat in the den, he picked up his
whistle and played the tunes of the highlands.
She sails upon the water's rage
A storm is tossing her from her way
But she carries on the vessel of sight
Going on by works and her own might
In this storm, she turns back to Yaweh
her crew cries out "He shall remember us, surely!"
The crew is tossed to and fro
I cling tight to her stern to hide from what I don't know
The water hits me trying to knock me off
I swallow salt water until I choke and cough
I cry and shout, "Oh, Have I been forsaken?
Covered by my guilt, shame and sin?"
But in my doubt what is this I hear?
A still small voice in my ear
"I have not forgotten you, My child
Let go of the stern, and you'll walk on the waves that are wild!"
In trust and reliance I release my grip
For I know that His catch shall not slip
Falling down into the ocean wave
I sink a little but rise on this impossible path to pave
I walk on the water, for in my faith I stand
With One who constantly has my hand
It is clearly time to serve El Shaddai!
It is time to trust My Adonai!
As the vessel of the world sinks beneath
I realize her time was so very brief
And as I look up, the clouds pull apart
The sun rays through for a beacon of truth to touch my heart...
"This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or
discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." ~Joshua
1:9
Things have been fairly exciting since last week. So many things were happening that I lost track of things! But, first and foremost, I have been waiting upon the Lord for my call in ministry. Been waiting, patiently. Also have been in the Word a lot more. Lately I've not encountered any of my demonic influences. The Lord seems to be mending me slowly, but it is well on its way now. My temptations have been made more bearable to just allow to slip through as sand through my fingers.
So, Thursday... We went to Greenville, for my psychiatrist appointment. We went out early and ate at Olive Garden for lunch. We dropped Aneira back off at the house and then went on to Greenville, and ran a few errands. Then we to Your Pie had the most awesome gluten free pizzas ever! Then tried a gluten free no sugar added ice cream... "Mocha Maca Crunch" well, it tasted great, however I was allergic to the maca root, as was mum.
My Rotini Primavera @ Olive Garden
GF crust pizza @ Your Pie w/ roast garlic olive oil, Gorgonzola, mozzarella, black olives, mushrooms&bacon!
Friday came along and we shopped for Mother's Day. Got my mum a Winnie the Pooh Cookbook, a large cup, and a card. I snuck it in and wrapped it immediately, with Aric and Aneira signing it with me!
Saturday came and that was the SpartanCon! It was an awesome convention! I'll be sure to post photos on Tumblr and Google+ sometime! A bunch of photos were taken! :P
Yesterday(Mother's Day) We skipped church because mum wanted to sleep in. Mum liked her gifts, as well! We went out to Your Pie again and had no sugar added and gluten free ice cream again... I had a pizza with Ranchy Marinara Sauce, Mozzarella and Cheddar cheese, Spinach, Pineapple, mushrooms and ham and Pecan ice cream! (:
Last night and today, I have been writing the plotline of The Forgiver's Promise. Also, I'm still unsure if the Lord has called me into the area I feel drawn
to, but circumstances have seem as if they still point in the
direction to host a radio show... I don't know. But, now I have
decided to
pray even more fervently for a sign that this is where He wants me. Would any fellow Christians taking time to read this be praying
too? Whatever You believe the Lord has placed on your heart, relay
it to me, so that I may find someone to discern the advice? I am in no rush, but I feel that it's time to ask for help here, get out of myself and reach out.
Also, an update on my poetry compilation story of Kitty Wofford, I have begun a fourth book, now. 365 Beauties in the Universe is very successful, not only is it a coping skill for me, it is inspiration for others and for myself. Thanks to all who have been supportive through this time!
Hello and welcome to yet another Soundwave Story Wednesday! Today's theme is on being children of peace unto a world of chaos! Today, I don't have the video for this song, but it's Instuments of Peace by David Kauffman. It can be found on the Millennium Worship 2 Album on the 2nd disk
"Lord make us instruments of your peace
Where there is hatred let your love increase
Lord make us instruments of your peace
Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease
When we are your instruments of peace
Where there is hatred, we will sow His love;
Where there is injury, we will never judge.
Where there is striving, we will speak His peace
To the people crying for release;
We will be His instruments of peace.
Where there is blindness, we will pray for sight;
Where there is darkness, we will shine His light.
Where there is striving, we will bear their grief
To the millions crying for release;
We will be His instruments of peace."
Yesterday, I remembered a brother in the faith. Yes, I still consider him as a brother even though he might not consider me to be his sister, but he was finding it difficult to be held in peace. His bitterness, fear and wounds became hatred. I hold him up as an example, because, that is where our place is. Our call is to be the ambassadors of Christ, because we might just be the only bible that anyone will ever see. We could very well be the brush that God wants to use to paint over the greys in their life. If we'd only sacrifice ourselves to be so.
There are so many who are in darkness. So many imprisoned souls, out there. Those who willingly lock themselves up, when the gate has been opened for many, if they'd only know that it was. But they enjoy the dark. They obsess with fighting against it. They ever even realize that sometimes the best thing to do is just step out of the situation. We, as the Light of the World, should be the ones to aim to guide them. God very well may have a plan through our obedience and witness. Don't discount yourself.
Let us open our own eyes, wake ourselves up to the others who seek. Let us stand to reflect the light of Christ. Let us be the unified Bride of Christ in peace. It is not an option, we will be known by our love, so it is a commandment. Love one another here in the Earth. Because when it's all said and done, that's all that will matter.
Well, I've not written in some time, so starting this would be great huh? So, in this post I'm going to highlight a few points of when I last posted.
First off, I have a new favorite band called ShatterRED. It isn't my typical style, but I have actually fallen right for the style now... I bought their album "Scarlet Rain" and I really love all the songs on there, but one that really stood out to me was "Like the Lie" I constantly scream "I don't want to be free" Why do you keep listening? What if I like the lie? What if I don't hate my crimes? What if I enjoy
the feeling like I'm burning inside? Can I be free from a pain that I
don't want to escape! Somebody, anybody help me I just want to be saved!
I don't like the lie! I want to hate my crimes! I'm sick of burning inside! Won't anybody, somebody save me from the lie?
And I was thinking that it wasn't too long ago that I'd have said the same thing. The thing that really stands out is their band name. The fact that I noticed them when I needed it most. What with my shattered spirit, it was almost as if God revealed them to me. The music was something I needed so much, so I am grateful to God for their ministering to those like me, the Lord is using them in ways that they may not realize.
Also, I've been working a lot on wattpad and twitter now have more followers than ever before. Folks are really enjoying my writings... which I'm pretty surprised about. Doing plenty of projects for coping skills and am looking forward to commissioning out!
Daily Audio Bible has become my main focal point and centering to God's word has helped me to hear His calling. Now I'm waiting for His voice to speak to me in the area of a calling that I've felt for years... There's no rush, if it from God, He'll direct my feet. For more details on that, read the post on here!
Also, I'm spending more time with my family lots more than usual... Going out more and enjoying the fellowship I have with them more than I've ever before.
At the Farmer's Table, my word art on my box o' food! x3
The food I had. It was an Ultimate HBLT (black forest ham, maple smoked bacon, lettuce and fried green tomato) sammich with my 2nd fave type of crisps!)
I've been becoming a total gypsy... o.O and I can honestly say that if it's not fruits and veggies, I don't like sugars, anymore :P
My brother, however... *giggles* will eat and play with cotton candy ;) he's the Lorax! I still think he looks like an old angel :P
And, May 3rd...(free comic book day) I got a comic book artist to draw my John Watson and tried to mimic his impression, anyone think I did it well?
I've been watching my brother, Aric, playing Skyrim and it's real fun to sit, silently on the sidelines as he plays.
There he is again, hypnotized by the screen ;)
Also, yesterday was spring fling, in Spartanburg... and it was quite enjoyable to be there! So I'll share a few highlights in there...
At the Music tent.
The Famous Brothers Kenndey doing trampoline stunts for the first time at Spartanburg, SC!
Later, I found out, Aric took Aneira to the army/navy booths and learned she held her weight on a bar for 50 seconds, and worked harder than any of the boys with her pushups... but she had to do more to get a tee-shirt, lanyards and badges... but somehow got it cuz she did it longer and harder than any of the other kids, next I knew, she was there in an army shirt three times her size, wearing three lanyards... later, Aric is crafting for her and cardboard "bully-proof" armor, having beforehand, bought her a rubber band gun... and now, she is obsessed with being the soldier and Aric's constantly using soldier terms... -.- but, she feels like she's protecting her friends and family now o.O
See our guardian angel, Freeze... what would we do without her? ;)
So yeah, it's been a full month... and I've not even gotten into all the way to March, but I think stopping here is enough! :P
Last night, everything was movin’ so fast
I could barely keep track
Of my offenses or your defenses
In hindsight, I woulda, coulda, shoulda not gone there
But left without a word to spare
Was it your offenses or my defensiveness?
I have a friend that I adopted as a twin brother of sorts. Often times he and I were at each other's throats. There was pride on both of our sides. Words said, deeds done that only tore us further apart. Many times our words would haunt at least myself every night...I never knew who was worse in an argument... but, now I realize we both monstrous to one another.
That’s got me thinkin’ that we’re never gonna get it right
I wanna straighten this before the sun goes down tonight
If I could only fight the bitterness I feel inside
This thing is eatin’ me alive
There were times bitterness took me over, but then I'd soften up for
another blow in a tender spot. I really didn't enjoy hating him, I'd
pull out rather quickly... and try again, and again....and again. But every word I said to him and every word he'd speak to me began eating me to the core... any good or bad thing said would do it... and it always reversed back to me... "How dare he? Well, I'll show him, and I'll screw me! ...it must be me... I'm the curse." that cycle only ate me away more and more and...I'd became a right terror! I'd lash back like an injured badger, trying to ward off attacks with vindictive strikes. I'd pull him down by his weaknesses.
Well I’m right here
And you’re right there
And God knows we’ve got to start somewhere
‘Cause I’m messed up
And you’re broken
And those shots we fired are still smokin’
When I'd pull out of the bitter attacks I'd weep and my heart would finally catch up with my head, and I'd be reaching out to him, "I've got to change this, before the sun sets on another death..." I wanted reconciliation, I hated the dragging down the two of us were doing to each other in degrading words, in my playing with his fears, I hated it! We were not portraying Christ in what we did... eye for eye, tooth for tooth... next we knew... we were blinded and toothless.
I’m tossin’ and turnin’ on the things I’d undo
As I wrestle with the painful truth
My sleep escapes me as guilt berates me
Exhausted, the memories are drawing so near
I can see it like a world premiere
When did my objective lose all objectiveness?
I'd stay up night after night, crying, aching, and begging God to lead me to forgive him and help me to make things right with him... I wanted to overcome this evil, this bitterness, the division... I wanted to show him that truly there was a light and hope... and that was Christ... it was one thing to know it... it was a whole nother thing to live like you know it... I wanted to shine light and hope on him and be the woman that God wished me to be.
If I need you, and you need me
How can you turn your back and just leave me?
When I’m right here, and you’re right there
And God knows we’ve got to start somewhere
Several times we'd cut each other and a pain would always take over... but, every time we did, I'd pray, and remember that I've been through other friendships like this, and now those friendships are in brighter days.... continuously I'd reach out to him... as I do with every friend.
I said some things that I regret
And if I could, I’d take ‘em back
If I could turn my words around
You wouldn’t hear a sound But here I am, and there you are
The space between us is not so far
I’m reaching out my hand in love
Before the fading sun, forgive me for what I’ve done
I'd constantly reach down to him, chance after chance. I sometimes don't understand why I do it. I only know one thing... I didn't want to be tortured by bitterness or anger, and I wanted to be his friend... and if I was going to be his friend, I might as well start pulling up my end to make it a productive friendship... Even with him asking me why I'd stay his friend after his treatment... I have no answer for him, the ones I give him can't be the true down deep answer... but, really, I was just as bad... even with my therapist asking me if it bothers me how much work I have to put in this relationship... I must say, I'm quite used to it, I often am the hardest worker in a relationship, and I'm happy to be... I have found some rewards in working so hard... and anyway...we all need mercy, we all need grace, we all need forgiveness....
READ MATTHEW 6:12&14-15
Solemnly in Christ,
Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith
Leaving all chat use. With no intentions of coming back anytime soon... I'm also quitting writing for a while... I might start it up again... but for now... back to being that closet internet user that nobody will know.
Light shines brighter at night. These years have proven it so. I am no longer defined by the night. What I did before has been cleansed at the cost of Christ. I am becoming the noble maiden that god longs me to be, but by no means have I been completed. I am restore to who I was to the core, and am slowly drawing nearer to the identity He made in me. However, even in knowing this all to be true, my past still comes to haunt me, and I fear the shadows shall take me again. I am afraid that I'll be so discouraged by the times that, once again, I shall lose recollection, and forget ho I am. I hated my life as it had been when it happened last time. I refuse to return to that lifestyle. But unease and unrest takes my heart, and in their hands they sow hopelessness, shame, a longing for death, and despair. Though such darkness come to snuff it, my candle remains a soft, warm, comforting glow to others, holding me firm in the hope of Christ. But, still, though my flesh threatens to end this suffering this instant, my spirit, my new heart, gently, yet firmly says no. I don't wish to persevere anymore, but I keep hearing kind words urging me on to continue the good fight, push on because it shan't always be like this. But still... Where is this said hope for us all? And then I answer my own question; Our Hope is all around us. He's in our air. He's in the land. He's above, below, beside, and before us. He guides us and is in our very hearts. Immanuel. Jehovah. Yaweh. The Great I AM. Jesus Christ. The WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. Amen, it is so.
As Persephone Smith finished up the script in her journal, in the dimly lit room. She signed her name in beautiful script. Finally sealing the journal with red wax. She raised her head, and faced the mirror, revealing her auburn ringlets cascading as a fountain over her bare shoulders. Deep in the eyes, she saw the sorrow and wildness of a blue-green ocean. Her complexion soft, her skin fair, but thin and light, barely seen scars marred her face, neck, and shoulders. The flowing and wispy material on her form transparently glowed in the candlelight. She smiled warmly and sighed in her heavy heart. The process of her healing was truly on its way, but she was still afraid. The healer's apprentice... The maiden bard... the crippled warrior in recovery. Hope was molding her into maturity, she was still not ready for her calling, wherever it took her. Whatever it was. It was time to wait for the Lord.
I'm starting a Wednesday Project of Soundwave Story Wednesdays, where I elaborate on them with stories in it, that I've seen.
Today, I'm going to post some lyrics of a song that helped me through the
years known a "Job Suite" by Michael Card...and the story is about myself.
Blameless and upright, a fearer of God A man truly righteous, no pious facade One about whom God was accustomed to boast And so one whom Satan desired the most One day the accuser came breathing out lies "It's Your holy handouts, his faithfulness buys" In one desperate day his possessions were lost His children all killed in one raw holocaust His children all killed in one raw holocaust
As a young child, I was raised upright, and was very true to it. I hated to lie, to hide, to run, I never masked myself, and was very close to the Lord. But, as my teen years began creeping in, we lost our house due to bankruptcy. I lost several friends I "adopted" as daughters, and sons... they went their own way and into their own darkness. It was a hard memory... but they were 4 kids who called me their "mummy". I forgot about it, but I watched them pull away and go into some bad things, and lost contact with them. I forgot about it, cuz I stowed it way deep inside. Their names were Sarah, Bekah, Ceirra & Figment homeschooling or online game friends.
Once more the Deceiver denounced and decried "It's skin for skin, and hide for hide, Strike down his flesh and he'll surely deny And confess that his praying has all been a lie." "Very well, take him," the Holy One sighed But you must spare his life, my son shall not die So Job was afflicted with terrible sores Sat down in the ashes to wait for the Lord Sat down in the ashes to wait for the Lord
When I was in these new apartment, I'd often get abscesses, had a lot of pains in my ankles and body, I often shook very violently and was often getting chills, a lot of tremors, and lost the ability to have my monthly. I'd be going to the doctors and lost a lot of my health, sometimes my digestive system was faulty and making me very ill. I'd moan a lot... and it got worse, sending a lot of doubts in my mind... I'm just now in my healing process in my body, mind and spirit and I can feel the slow change. A throne of ashes A crown of pain A sovereign of sorrow A mournful reign May the day of my birth be remembered no more May darkness and shadow come and claim it once more Why did I not perish on that dreadful day And sleep now where kings and counselors lay What I dreaded most has now come upon me Why is light given those in misery? I loathe my own life, so my tears fall like rain As I find that there is no peace in my pain
There were long years through my late teens to now where I lost all
hope. I wanted death and often tried. I felt like it wasn't worth all
this... I didn't understand why I had to live. I hated my entire
existence. God, family and friends barred my way and there were times I
set dates that I'd kill myself, but then met new friends that made me
want to continue...
Lord, send a Comforter now to my door So that this terror will frighten no more A Counselor between us, to come bear my oath Someone who could lay a hand on us both These friends of mine are no comfort to me So deafly they listen, so blindly they see Their words and their doctrine, they all sound so true The problem is Lord, they're all wrong about you!
I'd beg God, beg anyone to comfort me, to stop the terrors playing out in front of me. Often times in my life, even well into my childhood there were folks who were friendly but never were real friends... We had been kicked out of churches saying we were a disruption. I was bullied more in church than in my own schools. They'd tell us the ways we could be forgiven, how we could heal, and how to earn our grace... they sounded like truth, but I always knew my God was more than that... He was loving and caring and never would demand works to earn His grace. I knew it was unbiblical and they were all lying...
I know my Advocate waits upon high My Witness in heaven sees the tears that I cry A true intercessor who will condescend To plead with God as a man pleads for his friend If I've been untrue, if I've robbed the poor If I'm without guilt, what am I suffering for? God would not crush me for some secret sin And though He slay me still I'll trust in Him
But, doubts still ran through my mind and I felt conflicted... what if they were right? But what I know they aren't, but what if God does want to punish me? Am I truly evil? Am I truly nothing to Him? Tears, agony, and the hurt would overflow to a knife and still reaching out... Folks thought I was possessed... they believed I was evil and God could never forgive me... so I took on all that identity for myself and on myself... made some folks believe what I believed and yet they still aimed to help, I didn't know what I could do... I thought I was lower than dirt. but I still kept deciding, redeciding and deciding again that I'd trust God.
I know now that my Redeemer's alive He'll stand on this earth on the day He arrives And though my own body by then is no more Yet in my flesh I know, I'll see the Lord I'll see the Lord, I'll see the Lord
There were moments I'd stand in victory and cry that I'd stand in Him, I knew He'd come again for me... I knew that whether or not I'd live or die... I'd see Him and I knew that'd be my only one desire then, but I still fell and felt horrible... the conflict still tore at me, and I'd roar in the battles I was in...
Who is it that darkens my counsel?
Who speaks empty words without knowledge?
Brace yourself up like a man
And answer me now, if you can
Can you put on glory and splendor?
What's the way to the home of the light?
Does your voice sound like the thunder?
Are you not afraid?
Where were you when earth's foundations were laid?
Who gave the heart its wisdom?
The mind its desire to know?
Can you bind the stars?
Raise your voice to the clouds?
Did you make the eagle proud?
Will the ox spend the night by your manger?
Did you let the wild donkey go free?
Can you take leviathan home as a pet?
If you merely touched him, you'd never forget
Who is it that darkens my counsel?
Who speaks empty words without knowledge?
Brace yourself up like a man
And answer me now, if you can
There was a long time that God came and taught me the meaning of following. And all He'd do was ask questions to spark me to think things through. He'd warn, convict, encourage, and strengthen. His exhortation through His word, my family and friends, and through my own experience would calm me in times of trials. I'd stumble and fall away but I made the decision to never walk away, though it looked wayward to me and a few friends, He kept me under His wings... I am unworthy, how can I reply?
There's nothing that you cannot do
You are the storm that calmed my soul
I place my hand over my mouth
I place my hand over my mouth
Once realizing the truth behind His words, I'd yield and remain silent, and recommit to the task... aiming to be a better follower.
READ JOB 42:10-17
I still have hope in the blessing of Heaven. And am aiming so hard to press forward... still go on a merry-go-round in this world... but I will never walk away from Him.
Solemnly in Christ,
Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith
I lay on the ground, weeping heavily and shaking in my ripped shirt,
on the floor. My tears pooled in a puddle on the tiles. I shuddered
there as if cold.
"Why do you cry my child?" a soothing, still voice came over me as if a hand lay a warm blanket over me.
I looked up to the ceiling, with tears staining my cheeks, "Oh, Father, I am afraid."
"What is it that you are afraid of? Have I not commanded you not to fear?" the voice responded to me, in a voice of kind rebuking.
I
tensed up, as if preparing for something unpleasant, "I-- I am afraid,
because I am not able. I fear that I will hurt the brother I care for. I
back him up... but, I'm afraid that I'll fall back down. I'm afraid
I'll just be another one of that long list of people that fought by his
side... and became a traitor I--"
Something like a loving embrace took me by surprise as I heard Him whisper in my ear again, "Child,
don't be afraid. I AM with you. You will surly not fall back with me by
your side. Rest, with your heart at peace. For I have not given
you a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and
self-discipline. Be still, and know that I AM God. I am everything you
need in the next battle and the next and the next. Just rely on Me and
not your own understanding. Peace I give to you, child, sleep."
Did It Matter Anyway?
By: Arianna P. Scriptsmith
Here I am, as I claw my helmet off
Throwing it to the floor, and dragging my feet to lie down
Raking my fingers through my hair I groan in bottled up rage
Sighing and shutting my eyes to the scent of my crisp sheets
There I lay, broken and tattered down in a field
The gold blades of tall grass, blowing in the breeze
I crawled through the tall grass, to a laughing stream
Dipping my bloodied hand into the cool carressing flow
I weep right there and moan, "Lord, did it matter anyway?"
A gentle hand was placed on my back as the Voice I loved spoke
"Let me ask you another question, and I hope you will hear
Did it matter when I, on the cross, cried out the payment done?
What of when those 40 days and nights I walked the wilderness rebuking Satan to go?
Tell me if it mattered at all when I took the form of a babe?
But, of course, it mattered... and so does your fight for Me.
Don't give it all up, for this, when trials will bring endurance
You can make it, by my Spirit, so don't fret anymore.
Take My strength, for you are weak, and I will raise you up."
Opening up my eyes again, I was in the dark of my room
Looking to my feet, I sighed, and bent to bear my helm
Topping it upon my head, I straightened up, full height
Marching out of my room, I pulled out the blade and stopped
A shadow looked into my eyes, unwavering onto it's non-form
I stared it down, fearlessly and drove the sword into it's head
Light pierced in the room, blinding my deathly eyes
Just in time to bring back sight, enough to see the demon gone
"It takes time, pain...and a lot of it." --Daddy
...And that requires that you turn and face the fears/doubts/etc. and ask your questions, don't be afraid to not know.
"Lord, bolden my daughter and my wife when it comes to prayer, bring out their voices in courage. so that they dont worry about what anybody think... that they'd be strong and courageous and end this spirit of timidity." --Daddy
I wish I knew what came next. I hear the ending is good and beautiful, and have so much hope that it is so... but, I see the chaos of the moment and I wonder could a happy ending ever come of this? They say faith is the opposite doubt. But a wise man has told me that faith is not the lack of doubt. If we didn't doubt ourselves in our faith he would actually be worried. Even a child, who trusts their father fully may doubt. And the Lord says we must have the faith of a child. We must come as little children. But even children have their doubts. It's natural. It's human. When running tongues spread rumors of daddy, they turn to look... They try to defend, yet they fall... Words can hurt. You know that silly childhood rhyme? "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" well, when the words are said and the fists fly, the broke bones will have long since mended, words tend to take longer to heal. And once you hear the rumors spread that can harm a relationship, and it can cloud your faith with doubt. Likewise words that are painful for you may indeed cloud your thinking.
You want to look at the world differently... You want to have hope. You don't want to be scared to believe. You want to hold the light. But, when the venom is injected and you are on your face, how can you not feel crushed? You fear you will be rejected, because you cannot imagine a loving Christ, when the Christians play pretend. You want to have doubtless faith and believe it with all your heart, you want to believe love is here, and mercy really can heal the scars. But the mouths run on, and the ones you thought would be there were not. You feel like you cannot be forgiven, and fear that there really might be something somewhere else... Perhaps you could find love wiith the Wiccans. Your daddy says he's seen Satanists with more grasp love than Christians. Perhaps, you could find it in Islam... The love can't be here.
"But have I not always been faithful?" you ask yourself. "Have I not kept His utmost 2 commandments to love with my all? Have I not proven myself faithful?" My daddy has told me once, "If I called you a chair, would that make you one?" So, being without faith cannot be so. Why do I believe everything I'm told by people? Have I not proven by my deeds that I am faithful? Are the fruits of the spirit not before me? Then why do I not want to see it? Well, the answer is very simple...
I am downtrodden. And I am crushed. But does being broken make me faithless, when the hurt comes out with questions? By no means can I say that is so. For faith is no emotion. Emotions are emotions. And they waver like the tide... but, if a child of God cries, and wonders why they don't see God, how can you tell them that it is faithlessness? In Luke 7:18-35 John the Baptist, the one who baptised Jesus and saw the Spirit descend as a dove, heard the Father speak pleasure of His Son, in prison...in the trials and tribulation, he asked the very question that is the first thing you let out of your mouth if Jesus was who He said He was... Jesus rebuked him, yes... but gently, lovingly, and then turned to the crowds and defended him... What does that tell us about faith? --Arianna P. Scriptsmith Courage in Silence - "Faith"
2 [a]Then I lifted up my eyes and looked, and behold, there was a man with a measuring line in his hand.2 So I said, “Where are you going?” And he said to me, “To measure Jerusalem, to see how wide it is and how long it is.”3 And behold, the angel who was speaking with me was going out, and another angel was coming out to meet him,4 and said to him, “Run, speak to that young man, saying, ‘Jerusalem will be inhabited [b]without walls because of the multitude of men and cattle within it.5 For I,’ declares the Lord, ‘will be a wall of fire [c]around her, and I will be the glory in her midst.’”
6 “[d]Ho there! Flee from the land of the north,” declares the Lord, “for I have dispersed you as the four winds of the heavens,” declares the Lord.7 “Ho, Zion! Escape, you who are living with the daughter of Babylon.”8 For thus says the Lord of hosts, “After [e]glory He has sent me against the nations which plunder you, for he who touches you, touches the [f]apple of His eye.9 For behold, I will wave My hand over them so that they will be plunder for their slaves. Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent Me.10 Sing for joy and be glad, O daughter of Zion; for behold I am coming and I will dwell in your midst,” declares the Lord.11 “Many nations will join themselves to the Lord in that day and will become My people. Then I will dwell in your midst, and you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent Me to you.12 The Lord will [g]possess Judah as His portion in the holy land, and will again choose Jerusalem. 13 “[h]Be silent, all flesh, before the Lord; for He is aroused from His holy habitation.” --Zechariah 2
Last night, I went to my church's first Wednesday service. And the one who spoke was speaking on this chapter in Scripture. And his prophetic words inspired this post; 1. -Stop looking down. Look up. - Measuring line - how have you come this year? Quicken yourself! Don't slip back to the pit you were in before the fight. -You'd look back on the year and beg the Lord not measure you, because you have not come far and you know it, if you allow yourself to slip too far. 2. -Where are you going? - are you falling down too deep? Hasten! Make a change! Be it! 5. Wall of fire - "I WILL protect you on every side, your front, back, left and right with a wall of fire as I did will my children, as I delivered them from the Pharaoh." 7. -escape the daughter of Babylon. Rise! God loves the children of Zion, he cares that you are held captive! Come out!
Rise Up and Give it all.
Paladin's Creed
By: Arianna Scriptsmith
As I lose heart and fall to my knees
In the midst of the battlefront
I can only cry and plead for You, my Shield
And I'll reach out to You,
For I depend on You, my King
Please, I beg You, do not pass me by
Abba, Abba, The One who is in Heaven
Holy are You, Adonai
May Your kingdom come
And Your will be done on this world as it is in Heaven
You set a table for Your child
In enemy territory, You feed us bread
You provide for us, on our journey of joyous pain
Peace is given us, and courage will rise
We let our warsongs rise unto You
As incense we sing our march
Give Your children the living bread to sustain our walk
And we will walk for You
Forgive us our sins as we forgive our fellows
And we will love our brother with no hypocrisy
"El Shaddai, El Shaddai," my soul cries all the while
You are always by my side
You fight for Your children
You raise us up as a troop in the battlements
So, we stand as one for You<
Adonai, Adonai, be our Rescue from the devil's wiles
We know that You'll come to us if we call upon Your name
Lead us not into temptation's wake
But bring us up gently with Your loving hand
So I will cry out in a loud voice with my brethren
"El Shaddai, El Shaddai, train us up for war,
And receive us home in our victory within Your own"
