17 July, 2017

#30daysofbrave Taking a Break

As the title suggests, I shall be taking a break from this challenge but will pick up as soon as I can.

14 July, 2017

#30daysofbrave 20-22/30: Missed a couple days, again....

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Commit to one uncomfortable conversation today.

Feeling out of place? Don't worry, the other person is too.


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt."

- SYLVIA PLATH

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


I am eager to invite others to take part in my brave adventure because though it all, memories and goals are much more satisfying when savored. From best friends to complete strangers, I listen sincerely because each perspective brings its own unique value.  An attitude of understanding removes limiting barriers and allows for mutual constructive growth. I always seek to recognize the potential in others and will encourage them in their own brave intentions.


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS

  • What conversation do I need to have that I’ve been putting off?
  • What am I scared of that has prevented me from having this conversation?

I feel as though I need to confront my old pastor, if not for my sake, for the next poor soul who wanders in there with similar issues as mine. He hasn't been acting Christ-like even if he was intending to be Christ-like and kind in his actions.

I'm scared that I might be in the wrong and may be treated with contempt. As I hate confronting others after conflict. It frightens me to be hurt again by words or tones. And if I was in the wrong... it would not have been worth while....




TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Be vulnerably brave to ask someone for help that has already done what you're trying to do.

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"We should be inspired by people... who show that human beings can be kind, brave, generous, beautiful, strong-even in the most difficult circumstances."

- RACHEL CORRIE


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


Taking that brave step forward may be scary, but it doesn't have to be a mystery. There are other's who have already climbed the mountains and taken the steps I want to take. More often than not, these mentors are honored to share how they did it and what they would've done differently. I will be brave today by asking for help.


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • I would like more guidance in the following area:
  • Someone who I can reach out to today to ask for help with this:
I would like more guidance in doing my artwork. Especially in Celtic artwork. I truly wish to reach all ends of my heart and passion through art, and my heritage is such a deep passion of mine. I could remind my father as he is learning the same thing and also aims to teach my sister and myself.




TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Gratitude may be perceived as a useful emotion for a greater well being[1], but few people seek it out consciously.

Today, set 3 gratitude alarms to go off at random times during today. As they alarm, stop whatever it is your doing and bring to mind 3 things you’re grateful for in that moment :)
If you'd like to deeply feel the power of gratitude in 5 minutes, try this 5 minute gratitude meditation.

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY

"When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears."

- TONY ROBBINS



TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


Fear is why I don’t take action on my intentions and anger is why I get stuck. Choosing to be grateful, however, even if only for a few moments, transforms my perspective of fear and anger to appreciation and contentment. I remind myself that it is impossible to be fearful while being grateful at the same time. Gratitude then, is my ultimate go-to tool for navigating bravely through the journey ahead.


 TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS



  • Something I can see in my environment that brings me joy … 
  • A recent coincidence that left me with a smile … 
  • A person I am blessed to have in my life right now …

-Daddy allowed me to have his altar in my room, recently, It has always brought me comfort throughout my life. And with it in my room, inspiration, comfort and joy. It's my favorite piece of work that he did that I hope he will allow me to move out with.


-I was put in the right place and right time today, when walking to drop off a prescription at home, today. Where a mother and her two-year-old was waiting  in the heat for a taxi ride that kept them waiting for an entire hour. She had no phone connection and needed to pick up her other baby at 8-months from daycare and the time window was shrinking. 

I overheard her talking to herself about having no vehicle was a struggle and I struck conversation, with her that I knew how it was. Then I ended up learning she was new in town and had nobody there that she knew, I gave her my number and ended up lending the use of my phone, keeping tabs on her 2-year-old and waiting with her until her ride arrived.

-In this time, life has been rough on us both. She has lost her children due to a series of very unfortunate events and I have been cast out of church, losing friends, and struggling family issues. But, I am blessed so to have my best friend, even in these times. I would never have gotten this far without her...



Luceo non uro,

10 July, 2017

#30daysofbrave 19/30: "Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been and look at what can be."

Day 19/30

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT


In a moment of misery, crack a smile.


To prep yourself for this moment, try to force a giggle—maybe even a full-on belly laugh​ right now :)
Being optimistic is a choice.


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY



"Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been and look at what can be."

- MARSHA PETRIE SUE


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION



As I encounter fear and opposition, I will greet it with an extra degree of kindness and care. I will let the curve of my smile grow into every negative thought and emotion. Navigating difficulty in this positive light turns obstacles into opportunities and empowers me to press on courageously.


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


When things inevitably don’t go my way today, I will use optimism to overcome adversity by responding in the following way …

I'll say to myself; "Moment to moment and step by step, I'll carry on. Each day is a new day. Each minute a new minute. In these moments that grief is weighing me down, I shall look beyond it to the light." Because the truth is that we will not always feel this way.

I'll find beauty in something each day and soon, will blog about it. I'll make art out of my tears. Anything to bring beauty through the ashes. It's more than optimism, this is joy. It's more than happiness it's hope.



Luceo non uro,

#30daysofbrave 16-18/30: Missed a few..

Day 16/30

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT



Today, pay extra attention to simple tasks you do every day:


When you take a shower, notice how the water flows down your skin; notice the temperature, the pressure,  and the sounds of individual droplets.


When you are sitting, just as you are now, catch yourself slouching, sit up straight. Sit with alertness and intent. Take a deep breath, and let it all go.


When you get in bed tonight, listen to your heart. Just beat, after beat, after beat. Grateful it's always working hard to keep you alive even though you don't ask it to.
By staying focused during mundane tasks, we strengthen our willpower to focus on our larger goals.


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new."

- SOCRATES

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


When I decide to give something my undivided attention, powerful emotions are created that inspire brave action. What's great is I always have complete control on where and how I direct my focus. Having a clear desired outcome and consistently focusing on it immediately changes my behavior, giving me the momentum I need to take daily actions that will lead to profound results.

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • Something I've achieved that I might have previously thought impossible …
  • Something or someone that will get 100% of my attention today …


At one time, I achieved almost 2 years without cutting and donated for the first time. It made me feel strong and accomplished. My folks made the 1 year anniversary very special and it made me realize how much my folks truly cared and loved me. I remember the tears of joy flowing that night... It was the kind of crying I only dreamed about. It was the kind of accomplishment that I thought I'd never reach.

Today I will put my attention into catching up with my missed days, doing art for my Gryphon Wing Series. I've fallen behind in this as well. Hopefully I can also work on a couple of stories, because I've not written in any of them in ages. I miss writing fantasy already... I don't feel like myself without the pen.


Day 17/30

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Let your brave muscle repair and strengthen by reflecting and appreciating the daily small wins you've been accomplishing.


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"There are days when it is very discouraging. You have to develop personal resilience to environmental things that come along. If you let every single environmental challenge knock you off your game, it's going to be very, very hard."

- RENEE JAMES



TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


Sometimes I feel like when I take one step forward, I end up falling two steps back. What’s important in this situation is that I don't let these setbacks deter me from staying course and moving forward. I must remember that life moves in waves and it’s okay to have bad days, as long as I get back up and keep pressing ahead.

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • A recent moment that left me feeling scared and discouraged …
  • Reflecting on this moment, I see now that I grew from this challenging situation in the following way …
I was terrified when he blocked me. Humiliated, and ashamed. I rushed to another place to contact him asking him why.... He told me that he isn't very fond of me and didn't even like talking to me. What hurt the most was when I asked why he called me and he responded with "I didn't intend to, believe you me." Realizing that I was what's wrong, that just my presence was the problem, I broke down. It still affects me deeply...

But looking in hindsight, I will honestly say that I've grown to be myself, to release him and his texts. Doing this once again makes it harder to heal, because it seems I even pick at my spiritual sores, as I do with my physical. But knowing that he just doesn't like me helps me to let him go more.... 

Day 18/30

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

The next stranger that crosses your path,
ask them the first genuine question that comes to mind.


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."

- MARIE CURIE

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


My perception of the world and belief in what is possible is not limited by the interpretation of others. It is through direct experience that I develop a concrete understanding of my own reality. This develops a confidence at a cellular level that enables me to freely and courageously navigate any adventure. I know I might not find the answer or reach the destination I set out for, but this quest of inquiry will at least open myself up to a mystery that’s meant to be lived.


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • What assumed truth has fearfully prevented me from taking action?
  • What personal experience could give me a better understanding this fear?


"I am mentally impaired" Having my mental illness leaves me fairly shaken and held firm in my past, unable to walk forward. I often feel like my mental illness is what makes me a hex in my friendships and a black stain to my family. The confusion I feel and the inability to shake free from my mental illness has always left me ashamed to come outside and fearful of what might happen if I go outside.



I could imagine my mental illness as those weights in Mulan. I mean when they thought of it as a burden, it wouldn't allow them to retrieve the arrow at the top. When Mulan realized at almost the end that she needed to use the weights as a rope to climb upward, she finally reached the arrow. Instead of seeing my mental illness as a burden, I could use it as a way to climb.... and I try to, daily... but the past is always chasing me down.


Luceo non uro,

07 July, 2017

#30daysofbrave 15/30: "It's not the lack of resources, it's your lack of resourcefulness that stops you"

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT


Draw a scene of yourself 15 days from now, succeeding in your 30-Day challenge.
Note what emotions arise as you doodle your braver, successful self.



This would be me being myself without thought of anyone who disagrees with my lifestyle

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY

"It's not the lack of resources, it's your lack of resourcefulness that stops you"

- TONY ROBBINS


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


My ability to appreciate and contribute does not depend on my access to resources. The fact that I'm using this journal is proof that I have recognized a need in myself and had the resourcefulness to acquire tools to help take me where I want to go. I will continue to listen to to the needs, beliefs, and emotions that are controlling me so I can develop further confidence in my journey forward.

 


 TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • What resources would help me flourish in my 30 Day Challange? (e.g. money, time, information, training, technology, people)
  • What emotions can I develop to elicit more of those resources? (e.g. creativity, curiosity, determination, love, enthusiasm, honesty) 
I have been using Habitica.com as a reminder to do my challenges, Gimp as a way to create art along with Artweaver, and as a way to inspire me, I use iTunes to motivate me.

I f I could develop my confidence in this time I do believe I could finish my challenge with flying colours.

Luceo non uro,







06 July, 2017

#30daysofbrave 12-14/30: Missed a couple of days...


Day 12/30


TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Say 'no' to a pending invitation or opportunity that would get in the way of your current 30-day goal.

If you can, decide right now what you will say 'no' to today so you are prepared when the time comes to share your decision.

(I have no pending invitations or opportunities as of this time)


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one's better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on his ideas, to take a calculated risk, and to act."

- MAXWELL MALTZ




TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


Any brave adventure can be broken down into a series of calculated risks. So the more diligent I am in calculating each risky decision, the more prepared I am to prevent the worst from happening. In turn, I have more clarity and confidence to take that next brave step forward.

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • I've been unable to move forward with …
  • Unknowns that make me hesitant to proceed …
  • One simple thing I can do now to gain clarity on the path forward …

Lately I have been unable to move forward with standing up for myself because I have, myself felt not worth standing up for. I've felt as though I am meaningless.

I feel as though the unknowing of whether I even fit in with Christ's plan makes it hard to want to proceed in even life. It makes things difficult to rise up especially after being cast out, again... from the fellowship of His people. Thus, I isolate myself and am unwilling to face the fear of abandonment, betrayal and being hurt again.

I need only to simply rise out of bed, and face the fear, head on. Go into it, with confidence and enter. I need only to go out there to have clarity in this time. But the question is when and if it will happen.




Day 13/30:


TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Define the one thing you can do every day, no matter what, that will help you achieve your 30-day goal.
  • Create at least one piece of art.
  • Eat at appropriate times, and normal helpings
  • Treat myself with dignity (hygiene)

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."
- FRANCIS OF ASSISI


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


What are the chances that I will get what I want without going after it? Slim to none. When I’m acting from a place of ambition, I’m guaranteed some form of success. I will live up to my potential by taking the initiative to take that brave step towards what I really want.

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS

  • If I wasn't able to succeed in my 30-day goal what might be the biggest reason?
  • I can mitigate the risk of that happening by doing the following …
The biggest reason that I'd not succeed in my 30-day goal is falling deep into my depression and giving up hope. The only reason I never finished any challenges was because of this... 

I could take 15 minutes out of my day to myself and focus on the challenge.  Setting a time specifically for doing my challenge. Which would most likely be at 2PM. I think this action would be the best solution.



Day 14/30


TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Choose one of the determined micro-challenges:

Remember, it is in the small, seemingly insignificant things that we begin to flex our brave muscle and adopt new normals.

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work."
- COLIN POWELL


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


My lot in life has been determined by the actions I have and haven't taken. Today, I will do what I know needs to be done to accomplish what I’ve set out to achieve. I have the will and skill to fight through resistance. To understand the fears that I encounter, not run from them, and in turn, I will overcome them.

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS



  • What has previously interfered with my ability to perform? (e.g. limiting beliefs, values, people, systems, etc)
  • Which of these are external limitations, and which are internal?

I would say what has interfered with my ability to perform most is that my mind is stuck, like a broken record, playing and replaying the same thing. I am chained to my past and this keeps me from moving past many things. Not to mention there has been a lot of people and situations that do not make it any easier. My heart is deeply broken.

Most of my issues are internal, however, speedy days and constant exhaustion makes it difficult as well. But most is the inward pain of life. The normalities of living.

Luceo non uro,

03 July, 2017

#30daysofbrave 11/30: "Compassion is the courage to descend into the reality of human experience."



Day 11/30

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT



Think of a situation in your life that is difficult, that is causing you stress. Bring the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body.

Now, say to yourself:

"This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. I will treat this suffering with compassion and kindness."



INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY 

"Compassion is the courage to descend into the reality of human experience."

- PAUL GILBERT



TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS

Write a note to yourself from the perspective of an unconditionally loving imaginary friend:


Dear Ari, I know you've been hurt in places that should be safe. I know you have been cast out. Left, abandoned and betrayed. I know these things bring an aching and an emptiness to your heart. I know you've been hurt again recently. Life isn't treating you well. But I know you will overcome these trials. There is beauty in pain. This isn't your fault. It is their loss. You did nothing wrong. So wear your scars fearlessly. Rise up from the ashes and dust yourself off and carry on. I believe in you. I will be cheering you on. Take heart, have courage, keep the faith, dahling.


Luceo non uro,




02 July, 2017

#30daysofbrave 10/30: "You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."

Day 10/30:


TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

DONE.

12:09AM


Ari
Today's brave act is to:

Ask three consecutive 'whys' to someone today.

By asking WHY three times we go beyond the surface-level habitual responses and get to the real root of a question or problem.
or.... yesterday's, now
lolz
as it is 12am
but can I ask you?

Savannah
Sure

Ari
gimme a moment, doing these challenges get harder and harder each day.

Savannah
Haha

Ari
xP
first one will be why do you think I struggle so hard with forgiving myself?

Savannah
I think it's because you have low self esteem

Ari
why do you think low self esteem is such a relevant issue in my life?

Savannah
I think it's because you've been emotionally abused by a lot of people starting with your biological father. And depression plays a huge part in that as well

Ari
then lastly, why, as in what is the greatest obstacle I face which stops me from overcoming this flaw of mine?

Savannah
Moving out of your parents house.
I feel your daddy is constantly criticizing you unnecessarily and it makes you worse.

Ari
he, too, thinks I'll grow more, once I move out


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY


"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."

- ANDRE GIDE


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • A recent fear that I would like to overcome …
  • Why does this fear make me feel scared and uncomfortable?
  • Why does matter to me that I overcome this fear?
  • Why have I been previously been unable to overcome this fear? 

The fear of letting go and trusting. It weighs me down in my spiritual growth.

Trusting people and the Lord requires to face the unknown. It also require to let go of what I want to believe to be true. It requires facing and letting go of memories of being let down by the very people one would think you could trust.

It matters to me that I overcome this, because I don't want to be held back anymore. I want to trust God some much that my confidence is in Him alone. I wanna get on with my life without always limping spiritually.

Each time I try to overcome this fear, though, something happens to trip me up and I give up. When I rise enough, to walk, someone else betrays me, another person abandons me, someone strikes an unhealed wound, and I'm hiding again...



Luceo non uro,

30 June, 2017

#30daysofbrave 9/30: "To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength."

Day 9/30:


TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

What have you struggled with most during this 30-day challenge?

Today, be courageously vulnerable by openly sharing this weakness with a friend.

Bonus: Watch Brene Brown's talk on The Power of Vulnerability (20 mins)

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY



"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength."

- CRISS JAMI


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS




  • A weakness that I’m struggling with …
  • Today, I will be courageously vulnerable by sharing my weakness with the following person …

I am still struggling with standing up for myself and facing the fear of rejection. In order to learn to stand for myself, I feel that I must realize that I am worth standing up for. It takes a lot to get there, however.  I must come to terms with being who I am. The steps I am taking to do that is forgiving my biological father, being at peace with being his daughter, learning to honour God's decision to create me through him, letting go of the bitterness and fear of being abandonned, and learning to not judge myself by who my father is. I think, then I'll be able to stand up for myself both against myself and others. however, last night I already was vulnerable about it with another friend. But I can be vulnerable about it once more with my  friend, Savannah. May fair winds follow you all and the Author guide you!

Luceo non uro,


29 June, 2017

#30daysofbrave 7-8/30: well whoops....

Gawsh I missed a day, yesterday. So I need to catch up and do both challenges today. So without further ado....




Day 7/30:


TODAY'S BRAVE ACT


1. Raise your hands in the air.

2. Breathe into this power stance, own it.

3. Then audibly declare:
    "I am the hero of my own story!"


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"If you are not the hero of your own story, then you're missing the whole point of your humanity."

- STEVE MARABOLI


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION




TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • If my life was a movie and it started today, what would the hero do?
  • What old routines and patterns would the hero break?
  • What new habits would the hero replace those old habits with?


She would take each day as it comes. One step at a time to be the best person she can be. She would place her trust in Christ, and grow in confidence and faith. She would await the rising of the sun, with excitement, take on the day, fearlessly. She would push through the afternoon with endurance. Then she would take pleasure in watching the sun set. Each step she took would bring her closer to God.

She would break the cycle of monotony. And release her self-hatred, bitterness, shame and guilt. She'd break her habit of battling with those who aren't her enemy. Then she would become courageous with her time. She'd learn to treat herself with kindness, release anything that sickens her heart, then be forgiving of herself and any who came across her path.


Day 8/30:


TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

Water someone else's seed of intention:

Bring a friend to mind who you know is capable and gifted in a certain way.

Send them some words of encouragement letting them know you see that in them.
Who knows, a little nudge of confirmation could be all that friend needs to begin their own brave adventure.

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:


"You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination."

- ROMAN PAYNE

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION




TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • Who made you feel good this week? What did they say?

I don't know this person well, but she's a beautiful lady and good friend. She came to me, yesterday, sending quotes to me to encourage me. Afterward she spoke 4 simple sentences that put my heart at peace; "Proud of our scars. Shows we survive. Love you my beautiful sis. Hope you like those." 

I am blessed to have friends like this. I need them everyday, and am grateful for them.  I love them more than I can express. May fair winds always follow them and the Author guide their steps.



Luceo non uro,

27 June, 2017

#30daysofbrave 6/30: "If you don’t know where you are going, you might not get there."


Before continuing on this challenge, I wanted to let y'all know that the next challenges I will take simultaneously are (click the pics for links):

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT:

Choose one metric to use that can measure the results of your 30-day goal.

Measuring progress will help me stay on track, reach my target dates, and experience the achievement that will propel me to bravely charge forth in the face of fear.

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"If you don’t know where you are going, you might not get there."

- YOGI BERRA

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:



TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS:

I have 24 days left in my 30-day goal to    (insert 30-day goal)   .
Which means within two weeks, I need to  (insert 2-week goal)   .
Which means in a week, I need to   (insert 1-week goal)   .
Which means in the next three days, I need to    (insert 3-day goal)   .
To hit that 3-day goal, today I need to    (insert today's goal)   .

30-day goals: 

  • Being more creative with my time
  • Losing ten pounds
  • Standing up for myself

Within 2 weeks  I need to: 

  • Create at least 14 pieces of art
  • Lose 5 pounds
  • Know when to stand for myself and when to conform

In a week I need to:

  • Create 7 pieces of art
  • Exercise for 15 minutes, daily
  • Verbally forgive myself, daily

In the next 3 days I need to:

  • Create 3 pieces of art
  • Weigh myself
  • Grow in faith a lil more

Today I need to:

  • Clean room
  • Walk for about 15 minutes
  • Take a moment of the day to pray, meditate, read scripture, do my daily challenge.

Luceo non uro,

#30daysofbrave 5/30: "You are enough, just as you are. Each emotion you feel, everything you do in your life, everything you do or do not do… where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect. You are perfect enough."





Before we get to today's challenge. I wanted to share my mum's and my ministry! I'll be bringing it back to life as soon as I can! take a peek!

(click the pic)

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT:



Spend time listening to your thoughts of 'not enough.'

These voices of 'not enough' are there because there's something to be learned. Today, write down all the ways you’ve been telling yourself you are not enough. Thank those thoughts for helping you better understand yourself, and let them go as you say, “I am enough.”


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:


"You are enough, just as you are. Each emotion you feel, everything you do in your life, everything you do or do not do… where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect. You are perfect enough."

- MELANIE JADE


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION



My favorite quality about myself is my stubbornness to persevere. And my willingness to face the world with silent courage minute after after of ever day after day.

My favorite flaw is my mental illness, with it I learn to be creative, see the light within the darkness and to persevere everyday.  With it, God molds me into a stronger and more compassionate person.

Copyright (C) 2017 Mari Fahel McKimzey
made this today....


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS:



  • How would I define feeling 'enough' as it relates to me personally?
  • Why do my voices of ‘not enough’ exist? What are they trying to tell me?
  • How can I grow by spending time listening to these voices?

Today, I went to a therapy appoint and during which time, We analyzed this very thing. I didn't know until I processed it now. I had to fill in a Chain Analysis of Problem Behaviour Worksheet on my most recent selfharming incident (burning).... While, filling in all the links, I realized it was basically a bunch of ways I was saying that I wasn't enough. 

  • Selfharming: Burning, cutting, punching, picking etc.
  •  "What's the point in fighting the urge?",
  • "One won't hurt" (by the end, I had seven burns)
  • "I did not say I wouldn't burn."
  • Not forgiving myself for things
  • Not sleeping at night
  • Taking my meds late
  • Not keeping up with my hygiene
  • Overeating/skipping meals


To feel enough for me would be that I have to be stronger than everyone else. I have to be always kind, always strong, always able to give my care to people. I'd have to always be on my best behaviour, not giving into addictions, my anger, and not hurting people. I can't be weak, I can't cry. I can't be human basically.... or at least that's what I tell myself. I got to be the perfect person, able to give whatever I need to, to others.

I always thought the voices of not being enough came from the abandonment of my father, the way the church as a whole has treated me. The fact that I am my father's daughter and not technically my daddy's daughter. I feel like I have to earn my daddy's love, I have to earn God's love, I have to earn my forgiveness... It's my biggest stumbling block. Makes it hard on me, especially when I know I can't earn it. I'm that fallen.

Realizing that, true, I'm not enough on my own standards. That is why I have a perfect God. And yes, though I am so desperately wicked and broken, God still has chosen me. And once I learn to trust God and have confidence in His love and grace, I can have confidence that I am enough in Him. Listening to the voices and then responding in that way will help me to realize that as a ragamuffin, I only need to receive the love of God as a child receives it and then I will find peace in it. 


Luceo non uro,


25 June, 2017

#30daysofbrave 4/30: "There is only one time that is important – NOW! It is the most important time because it is the only time that we have any power."



Before we continue with the challenge. If you had the chance to adopt fursonas, would you do it? Do you enjoy unique pieces of specially- created art from the heart? And if you had money would you buy any from an artist that isn't well known to support them (and on patreon?) Want free public use-approved art?

THEN VISIT MY ART BLOG HERE!
DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY:

My gut is: 51 1/2 inches
My weight is: 270 lbs 


Day 4/30 of Brave:

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT:

(I KNOW IT'S NOT MONDAY, BUT I JUST REALLY LOVED THIS GIF)

Take a mindful moment to count 5 slow breaths in a row.
It's harder than you may think. Here's a guide for The One-Minute Meditation:

Breathing in through the nose,f
Breathing out through the mouth.

Breathing in feeling the lungs expanding,
Breathing out feeling a sense of letting go.

Breathing in to feel the body getting fuller,
Breathing out to feel the release of any tension.

Breathing in feeling alive and awake,
Breathing out feeling muscles relaxing.

Breathing in that sense of fullness,
Breathing out that unnecessary tension in the body and mind.

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"There is only one time that is important – NOW! It is the most important time because it is the only time that we have any power."
- LEO TOLSTOY

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS:


  • A past moment that left me feeling powerless or afraid …
  • How can I let go of that limiting past experience based on what I now know?

The moments when I wasn't welcome in public places because of my mental illness left me feeling vulnerable and afraid to show my face in new places. Especially in church as I'm treated less than sane. It leaves me questioning the integrity and ingenuity of the Church, and love and compassion of Christ. Makes me wonder if I am absolutely alone in this world, cast off from fellowship with God and His people... It leaves me fearing  that I am not saved due to my ailments and enraged with the church.

I can carry on in the knowledge that God is not His people. His is perfect. He is full of compassion. He is just and kind. He is love. He is truth. I can learn to remember that the church is full of human beings and thus it is full of broken sinners, only forgiven through their faith, by grace as I am. If I let it go by remembering no man under the sun is perfect and that even if one is forgiven, we are still human, I can learn to carry on, in fellowship and forgiveness with the Church and also can learn to forgive myself.

 



Luceo no uro,
P.S. I wrote this poem today:

I Am Christian

Copyright (C) 2017 Mari Fahel McKimzey

I am Christian. If my music tastes mirrors that, it's just the way I am.
I am Christian. If my creations and life reflects a Christian life, then I'm glad.
I am Christian. Is that really so sad that I believe in something greater than myself?
I am Christian. That doesn't mean I am perfect, far from so
I am Christian. What it does mean is that I am desperately wicked but also radically forgiven.
I am Christian. You may say believing this will only make a fool of me.
And what if you're right? But I'd rather live as though what Christ said was true and be buried with no afterlife
Than live as though what Christ said wasn't true and be damned to hell
Because, what if you're wrong? And Christ truly is who He said He was?
I am Christian. Which means I am a little Christ.


24 June, 2017

#30daysofbrave 3/30: "What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."


Before I talk about my challenge for the day, I would like to bring up two sites that have helped me greatly in my writing! And they are a great way to get rid of your writers block! 

This one I used to use ALL THE FRIGGING TIME especially during NaNoWriMo... It is a wonderful way for you to write continuously.... Write Or Die

And this one is a newer find for me.... called Fighter's Block. And it explains things better than I can, on the picture...
 YESTERDAY:

My gut is: 51 1/2 inches.
My weight is: around 245 lbs??(I will update you if this is correct on Sunday)

Day 3/30 of Brave:

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT:


Ask a friend what they see as your greatest strength and greatest weakness.


TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:


INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY: 

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."
 
- ABRAHAM MASLOW


TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS


  • One of my greatest strengths has always been …​
  • One of my greatest weaknesses that I acknowledge …

I would say one of my greatest strengths is rising after a failure and carrying on. Even when I want to give in, desperately, I don't quit. Pushing through has always been my signature in life. I can say that I give up, but I don't know the word. I really love this about my personality.

One of my greatest weaknesses that I acknowledge is that I don't know boundaries very well. I tend to emotionally vomit on people and I am very intense. I tend to be clingy and also very dependent on other's opinions of me. I am exceptionally codependent.


Luceo non uro,

P.S.

I compiled a playlist for this challenge! What do you think of my selections?



"I wanna scream like it's never been said But mean it like a black tattoo"

The Lyrics In The Title Came From... Introduction Lots have happened since my last update. And I am excited by all of it! So, without...