I wish I knew what came next. I hear the ending is good and beautiful, and have so much hope that it is so... but, I see the chaos of the moment and I wonder could a happy ending ever come of this? They say faith is the opposite doubt. But a wise man has told me that faith is not the lack of doubt. If we didn't doubt ourselves in our faith he would actually be worried. Even a child, who trusts their father fully may doubt. And the Lord says we must have the faith of a child. We must come as little children. But even children have their doubts. It's natural. It's human. When running tongues spread rumors of daddy, they turn to look... They try to defend, yet they fall... Words can hurt. You know that silly childhood rhyme? "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" well, when the words are said and the fists fly, the broke bones will have long since mended, words tend to take longer to heal. And once you hear the rumors spread that can harm a relationship, and it can cloud your faith with doubt. Likewise words that are painful for you may indeed cloud your thinking.
You want to look at the world differently... You want to have hope. You don't want to be scared to believe. You want to hold the light. But, when the venom is injected and you are on your face, how can you not feel crushed? You fear you will be rejected, because you cannot imagine a loving Christ, when the Christians play pretend. You want to have doubtless faith and believe it with all your heart, you want to believe love is here, and mercy really can heal the scars. But the mouths run on, and the ones you thought would be there were not. You feel like you cannot be forgiven, and fear that there really might be something somewhere else... Perhaps you could find love wiith the Wiccans. Your daddy says he's seen Satanists with more grasp love than Christians. Perhaps, you could find it in Islam... The love can't be here.
"But have I not always been faithful?" you ask yourself. "Have I not kept His utmost 2 commandments to love with my all? Have I not proven myself faithful?" My daddy has told me once, "If I called you a chair, would that make you one?" So, being without faith cannot be so. Why do I believe everything I'm told by people? Have I not proven by my deeds that I am faithful? Are the fruits of the spirit not before me? Then why do I not want to see it? Well, the answer is very simple...
I am downtrodden. And I am crushed. But does being broken make me faithless, when the hurt comes out with questions? By no means can I say that is so. For faith is no emotion. Emotions are emotions. And they waver like the tide... but, if a child of God cries, and wonders why they don't see God, how can you tell them that it is faithlessness? In Luke 7:18-35 John the Baptist, the one who baptised Jesus and saw the Spirit descend as a dove, heard the Father speak pleasure of His Son, in prison...in the trials and tribulation, he asked the very question that is the first thing you let out of your mouth if Jesus was who He said He was... Jesus rebuked him, yes... but gently, lovingly, and then turned to the crowds and defended him... What does that tell us about faith? --Arianna P. Scriptsmith Courage in Silence - "Faith"