#30daysofbrave 5/30: "You are enough, just as you are. Each emotion you feel, everything you do in your life, everything you do or do not do… where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect. You are perfect enough."

Before we get to today's challenge. I wanted to share my mum's and my ministry! I'll be bringing it back to life as soon as I can! take a peek!

(click the pic)

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT:

Spend time listening to your thoughts of 'not enough.'

These voices of 'not enough' are there because there's something to be learned. Today, write down all the ways you’ve been telling yourself you are not enough. Thank those thoughts for helping you better understand yourself, and let them go as you say, “I am enough.”

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"You are enough, just as you are. Each emotion you feel, everything you do in your life, everything you do or do not do… where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect. You are perfect enough."

- MELANIE JADE

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

My favorite quality about myself is my stubbornness to persevere. And my willingness to face the world with silent courage minute after after of ever day after day.

My favorite flaw is my mental illness, with it I learn to be creative, see the light within the darkness and to persevere everyday.  With it, God molds me into a stronger and more compassionate person.

Copyright (C) 2017 Mari Fahel McKimzey
made this today....

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS:

• How would I define feeling 'enough' as it relates to me personally?
• Why do my voices of ‘not enough’ exist? What are they trying to tell me?
• How can I grow by spending time listening to these voices?

Today, I went to a therapy appoint and during which time, We analyzed this very thing. I didn't know until I processed it now. I had to fill in a Chain Analysis of Problem Behaviour Worksheet on my most recent selfharming incident (burning).... While, filling in all the links, I realized it was basically a bunch of ways I was saying that I wasn't enough. 

• Selfharming: Burning, cutting, punching, picking etc.
•  "What's the point in fighting the urge?",
• "One won't hurt" (by the end, I had seven burns)
• "I did not say I wouldn't burn."
• Not forgiving myself for things
• Not sleeping at night
• Taking my meds late
• Not keeping up with my hygiene
• Overeating/skipping meals

To feel enough for me would be that I have to be stronger than everyone else. I have to be always kind, always strong, always able to give my care to people. I'd have to always be on my best behaviour, not giving into addictions, my anger, and not hurting people. I can't be weak, I can't cry. I can't be human basically.... or at least that's what I tell myself. I got to be the perfect person, able to give whatever I need to, to others.

I always thought the voices of not being enough came from the abandonment of my father, the way the church as a whole has treated me. The fact that I am my father's daughter and not technically my daddy's daughter. I feel like I have to earn my daddy's love, I have to earn God's love, I have to earn my forgiveness... It's my biggest stumbling block. Makes it hard on me, especially when I know I can't earn it. I'm that fallen.

Realizing that, true, I'm not enough on my own standards. That is why I have a perfect God. And yes, though I am so desperately wicked and broken, God still has chosen me. And once I learn to trust God and have confidence in His love and grace, I can have confidence that I am enough in Him. Listening to the voices and then responding in that way will help me to realize that as a ragamuffin, I only need to receive the love of God as a child receives it and then I will find peace in it. 

Luceo non uro,