Joy's Lament... Soundwave Story Wednesdays

I'm starting a Wednesday Project of Soundwave Story Wednesdays, where I  elaborate on them with stories in it, that I've seen.

Today, I'm going to post some lyrics of a song that helped me through the years known a "Job Suite" by Michael Card...and the story is about myself.

Blameless and upright, a fearer of God A man truly righteous, no pious facade One about whom God was accustomed to boast And so one whom Satan desired the most One day the accuser came breathing out lies "It's Your holy handouts, his faithfulness buys" In one desperate day his possessions were lost His children all killed in one raw holocaust His children all killed in one raw holocaust

As a young child, I was raised upright, and was very true to it. I hated to lie, to hide, to run, I never masked myself, and was very close to the Lord. But, as my teen years began creeping in, we lost our house due to bankruptcy. I lost several friends I "adopted" as daughters, and sons... they went their own way and into their own darkness. It was a hard memory... but they were 4 kids who called me their "mummy". I forgot about it, but I watched them pull away and go into some bad things, and lost contact with them. I forgot about it, cuz I stowed it way deep inside. Their names were Sarah, Bekah, Ceirra & Figment homeschooling or online game friends.

Once more the Deceiver denounced and decried "It's skin for skin, and hide for hide, Strike down his flesh and he'll surely deny And confess that his praying has all been a lie." "Very well, take him," the Holy One sighed But you must spare his life, my son shall not die So Job was afflicted with terrible sores Sat down in the ashes to wait for the Lord Sat down in the ashes to wait for the Lord

When I was in these new apartment, I'd often get abscesses, had a lot of pains in my ankles and body, I often shook very violently and was often getting chills, a lot of tremors, and lost the ability to have my monthly. I'd be going to the doctors and lost a lot of my health, sometimes my digestive system was faulty and making me very ill. I'd moan a lot... and it got worse, sending a lot of doubts in my mind... I'm just now in my healing process in my body, mind and spirit and I can feel the slow change.

A throne of ashes A crown of pain A sovereign of sorrow A mournful reign May the day of my birth be remembered no more May darkness and shadow come and claim it once more Why did I not perish on that dreadful day And sleep now where kings and counselors lay What I dreaded most has now come upon me Why is light given those in misery? I loathe my own life, so my tears fall like rain As I find that there is no peace in my pain

There were long years through my late teens to now where I lost all hope. I wanted death and often tried. I felt like it wasn't worth all this... I didn't understand why I had to live. I hated my entire existence. God, family and friends barred my way and there were times I set dates that I'd kill myself, but then met new friends that made me want to continue... 

Lord, send a Comforter now to my door So that this terror will frighten no more A Counselor between us, to come bear my oath Someone who could lay a hand on us both These friends of mine are no comfort to me So deafly they listen, so blindly they see Their words and their doctrine, they all sound so true The problem is Lord, they're all wrong about you!

I'd beg God, beg anyone to comfort me, to stop the terrors playing out in front of me. Often times in my life, even well into my childhood there were folks who were friendly but never were real friends... We had been kicked out of churches saying we were a disruption. I was bullied more in church than in my own schools. They'd tell us the ways we could be forgiven, how we could heal, and how to earn our grace... they sounded like truth, but I always knew my God was more than that... He was loving and caring and never would demand works to earn His grace. I knew it was unbiblical and they were all lying...

I know my Advocate waits upon high My Witness in heaven sees the tears that I cry A true intercessor who will condescend To plead with God as a man pleads for his friend If I've been untrue, if I've robbed the poor If I'm without guilt, what am I suffering for? God would not crush me for some secret sin And though He slay me still I'll trust in Him

But, doubts still ran through my mind and I felt conflicted... what if they were right? But what I know they aren't, but what if God does want to punish me? Am I truly evil? Am I truly nothing to Him? Tears, agony, and the hurt would overflow to a knife and still reaching out... Folks thought I was possessed... they believed I was evil and God could never forgive me... so I took on all that identity for myself and on myself... made some folks believe what I believed and yet they still aimed to help, I didn't know what I could do... I thought I was lower than dirt. but I still kept deciding, redeciding and deciding again that I'd trust God.

I know now that my Redeemer's alive He'll stand on this earth on the day He arrives And though my own body by then is no more Yet in my flesh I know, I'll see the Lord I'll see the Lord, I'll see the Lord

There were moments I'd stand in victory and cry that I'd stand in Him, I knew He'd come again for me... I knew that whether or not I'd live or die... I'd see Him and I knew that'd be my only one desire then, but I still fell and felt horrible... the conflict still tore at me, and I'd roar in the battles I was in...

Who is it that darkens my counsel? Who speaks empty words without knowledge? Brace yourself up like a man And answer me now, if you can Can you put on glory and splendor? What's the way to the home of the light? Does your voice sound like the thunder? Are you not afraid? Where were you when earth's foundations were laid? Who gave the heart its wisdom? The mind its desire to know? Can you bind the stars? Raise your voice to the clouds? Did you make the eagle proud? Will the ox spend the night by your manger? Did you let the wild donkey go free? Can you take leviathan home as a pet? If you merely touched him, you'd never forget Who is it that darkens my counsel? Who speaks empty words without knowledge? Brace yourself up like a man And answer me now, if you can

There was a long time that God came and taught me the meaning of following. And all He'd do was ask questions to spark me to think things through. He'd warn, convict, encourage, and strengthen. His exhortation through His word, my family and friends, and through my own experience would calm me in times of trials. I'd stumble and fall away but I made the decision to never walk away, though it looked wayward to me and a few friends, He kept me under His wings...

I am unworthy, how can I reply? There's nothing that you cannot do You are the storm that calmed my soul I place my hand over my mouth I place my hand over my mouth 

Once realizing the truth behind His words, I'd yield and remain silent, and recommit to the task... aiming to be a better follower.

READ JOB 42:10-17

I still have hope in the blessing of Heaven. And am aiming so hard to press forward... still go on a merry-go-round in this world... but I will never walk away from Him.

Solemnly in Christ,
Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith

Everything's Gonna Be Alright --Face Your Doubts

I'M HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT GOD --Sammy Adebiyi

Fear vs. Courage --a talk with the Father

By: Arianna P. Scriptsmith

I lay on the ground, weeping heavily and shaking in my ripped shirt, on the floor. My tears pooled in a puddle on the tiles. I shuddered there as if cold.

"Why do you cry my child?" a soothing, still voice came over me as if a hand lay a warm blanket over me.

I looked up to the ceiling, with tears staining my cheeks, "Oh, Father, I am afraid."

"What is it that you are afraid of? Have I not commanded you not to fear?" the voice responded to me, in a voice of kind rebuking.

I tensed up, as if preparing for something unpleasant, "I-- I am afraid, because I am not able. I fear that I will hurt the brother I care for. I back him up... but, I'm afraid that I'll fall back down. I'm afraid I'll just be another one of that long list of people that fought by his side... and became a traitor I--"

Something like a loving embrace took me by surprise as I heard Him whisper in my ear again, "Child, don't be afraid. I AM with you. You will surly not fall back with me by your side. Rest, with your heart at peace. For I have not given you a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. Be still, and know that I AM God. I am everything you need in the next battle and the next and the next. Just rely on Me and not your own understanding. Peace I give to you, child, sleep."

Did It Matter Anyway?

By: Arianna P. Scriptsmith

Here I am, as I claw my helmet off

Throwing it to the floor, and dragging my feet to lie down

Raking my fingers through my hair I groan in bottled up rage

Sighing and shutting my eyes to the scent of my crisp sheets

There I lay, broken and tattered down in a field

The gold blades of tall grass, blowing in the breeze

I crawled through the tall grass, to a laughing stream

Dipping my bloodied hand into the cool carressing flow

I weep right there and moan, "Lord, did it matter anyway?"

A gentle hand was placed on my back as the Voice I loved spoke

"Let me ask you another question, and I hope you will hear

Did it matter when I, on the cross, cried out the payment done?

What of when those 40 days and nights I walked the wilderness rebuking Satan to go?

Tell me if it mattered at all when I took the form of a babe?

But, of course, it mattered... and so does your fight for Me.

Don't give it all up, for this, when trials will bring endurance

You can make it, by my Spirit, so don't fret anymore.

Take My strength, for you are weak, and I will raise you up."

Opening up my eyes again, I was in the dark of my room

Looking to my feet, I sighed, and bent to bear my helm

Topping it upon my head, I straightened up, full height

Marching out of my room, I pulled out the blade and stopped

A shadow looked into my eyes, unwavering onto it's non-form

I stared it down, fearlessly and drove the sword into it's head

Light pierced in the room, blinding my deathly eyes

Just in time to bring back sight, enough to see the demon gone

"It takes time, pain...and a lot of it." --Daddy

...And that requires that you turn and face the fears/doubts/etc. and ask your questions, don't be afraid to not know.

"Lord, bolden my daughter and my wife when it comes to prayer, bring out their voices in courage. so that they dont worry about what anybody think... that they'd be strong and courageous and end this spirit of timidity." --Daddy

Everything's Gonna Be Alright --What Your Faith Means

 

I wish I knew what came next. I hear the ending is good and beautiful, and have so much hope that it is so... but, I see the chaos of the moment and I wonder could a happy ending ever come of this? They say faith is the opposite doubt. But a wise man has told me that faith is not the lack of doubt. If we didn't doubt ourselves in our faith he would actually be worried. Even a child, who trusts their father fully may doubt. And the Lord says we must have the faith of a child. We must come as little children. But even children have their doubts. It's natural. It's human. When running tongues spread rumors of daddy, they turn to look... They try to defend, yet they fall... Words can hurt. You know that silly childhood rhyme? "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" well, when the words are said and the fists fly, the broke bones will have long since mended, words tend to take longer to heal. And once you hear the rumors spread that can harm a relationship, and it can cloud your faith with doubt. Likewise words that are painful for you may indeed cloud your thinking.

You want to look at the world differently... You want to have hope. You don't want to be scared to believe. You want to hold the light. But, when the venom is injected and you are on your face, how can you not feel crushed? You fear you will be rejected, because you cannot imagine a loving Christ, when the Christians play pretend. You want to have doubtless faith and believe it with all your heart, you want to believe love is here, and mercy really can heal the scars. But the mouths run on, and the ones you thought would be there were not. You feel like you cannot be forgiven, and fear that there really might be something somewhere else... Perhaps you could find love wiith the Wiccans. Your daddy says he's seen Satanists with more grasp love than Christians. Perhaps, you could find it in Islam... The love can't be here.

"But have I not always been faithful?" you ask yourself. "Have I not kept His utmost 2 commandments to love with my all? Have I not proven myself faithful?" My daddy has told me once, "If I called you a chair, would that make you one?" So, being without faith cannot be so. Why do I believe everything I'm told by people? Have I not proven by my deeds that I am faithful? Are the fruits of the spirit not before me? Then why do I not want to see it? Well, the answer is very simple...

I am downtrodden. And I am crushed. But does being broken make me faithless, when the hurt comes out with questions? By no means can I say that is so. For faith is no emotion. Emotions are emotions. And they waver like the tide... but, if a child of God cries, and wonders why they don't see God, how can you tell them that it is faithlessness? In Luke 7:18-35 John the Baptist, the one who baptised Jesus and saw the Spirit descend as a dove, heard the Father speak pleasure of His Son, in prison...in the trials and tribulation, he asked the very question that is the first thing you let out of your mouth if Jesus was who He said He was... Jesus rebuked him, yes... but gently, lovingly, and then turned to the crowds and defended him... What does that tell us about faith? --Arianna P. Scriptsmith Courage in Silence - "Faith"
  

01/09/2014 DAB Transcript

Everything's Gonna Be Alright Thursdays -- Look Up and Rise

2 ^[a]Then I lifted up my eyes and looked, and behold, there was a man with a measuring line in his hand. ² So I said, “Where are you going?” And he said to me, “To measure Jerusalem, to see how wide it is and how long it is.” ³ And behold, the angel who was speaking with me was going out, and another angel was coming out to meet him, ⁴ and said to him, “Run, speak to that young man, saying, ‘Jerusalem will be inhabited ^[b]without walls because of the multitude of men and cattle within it. ⁵ For I,’ declares the Lord, ‘will be a wall of fire ^[c]around her, and I will be the glory in her midst.’”

⁶ “^[d]Ho there! Flee from the land of the north,” declares the Lord, “for I have dispersed you as the four winds of the heavens,” declares the Lord. ⁷ “Ho, Zion! Escape, you who are living with the daughter of Babylon.” ⁸ For thus says the Lord of hosts, “After ^[e]glory He has sent me against the nations which plunder you, for he who touches you, touches the ^[f]apple of His eye. ⁹ For behold, I will wave My hand over them so that they will be plunder for their slaves. Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent Me. ¹⁰ Sing for joy and be glad, O daughter of Zion; for behold I am coming and I will dwell in your midst,” declares the Lord. ¹¹ “Many nations will join themselves to the Lord in that day and will become My people. Then I will dwell in your midst, and you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent Me to you. ¹² The Lord will ^[g]possess Judah as His portion in the holy land, and will again choose Jerusalem.
¹³ “^[h]Be silent, all flesh, before the Lord; for He is aroused from His holy habitation.” --Zechariah 2

 Last night, I went to my church's first Wednesday service. And the one who spoke was speaking on this chapter in Scripture. And his prophetic words inspired this post;

1. -Stop looking down. Look up. - Measuring line - how have you come this year? Quicken yourself! Don't slip back to the pit you were in before the fight. -You'd look back on the year and beg the Lord not measure you, because you have not come far and you know it, if you allow yourself to slip too far.
2. -Where are you going? - are you falling down too deep? Hasten! Make a change! Be it!
5. Wall of fire - "I WILL protect you on every side, your front, back, left and right with a wall of fire as I did will my children, as I delivered them from the Pharaoh."
7. -escape the daughter of Babylon. Rise! God loves the children of Zion, he cares that you are held captive! Come out!

Rise Up and Give it all.

 Paladin's Creed

By: Arianna Scriptsmith

As I lose heart and fall to my knees

In the midst of the battlefront

I can only cry and plead for You, my Shield

And I'll reach out to You,

For I depend on You, my King

Please, I beg You, do not pass me by

Abba, Abba, The One who is in Heaven

Holy are You, Adonai

May Your kingdom come

And Your will be done on this world as it is in Heaven

You set a table for Your child

In enemy territory, You feed us bread

You provide for us, on our journey of joyous pain

Peace is given us, and courage will rise

We let our warsongs rise unto You

As incense we sing our march

Give Your children the living bread to sustain our walk

And we will walk for You

Forgive us our sins as we forgive our fellows

And we will love our brother with no hypocrisy

"El Shaddai, El Shaddai," my soul cries all the while

You are always by my side

You fight for Your children

You raise us up as a troop in the battlements

So, we stand as one for You<

Adonai, Adonai, be our Rescue from the devil's wiles

We know that You'll come to us if we call upon Your name

Lead us not into temptation's wake

But bring us up gently with Your loving hand

So I will cry out in a loud voice with my brethren

"El Shaddai, El Shaddai, train us up for war,

And receive us home in our victory within Your own"

Immanuel, be with us all

For Yours is the kingdom and all power and glory

The battle belongs to You, Adonai

Everything's Gonna Be Alright Thursdays --There's a Purpose

 

A few years ago, I began a weekly inspirational video post on Thursdays called "Everything's Gonna Be Alright", for people, like me who needed a small reminder of why they were here. I would also add stuff, words of encouragement, quotes, stories, poems, songs, etc. to accompany it. So, I'm starting it back up, so I may help others while working through my own doubts.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,When as yet there were none of them. Psalm 139:13-16

A Knitted Scarf

By: Arianna Scriptsmith

Intertwining in a word of hope
For a world that is dark and hopeless
A scarf made from living yarn
A word to drive all hate away

Looking at that small section, lies;
A letter formed from black and red yarn
You stare deep, and form a word
Words that push Me away

"How are you to know what it says
When all you see are lies?" I ask.
"When you look in the mirror
And see what you aren't"

"Any word can be formed with these
Four letters in my Word
"But only one word can mean;
That I cherish you, as you"

The scarf winds down through history
Repeating my L-O-V-E
In many colors that you;
Can't see as you that sees one

A living and breathing scarf
That feels the pain of doubt
The brokenness of hating
And from the fall of the world

Give me your life, My love, child
Fill the world with My light
And in the darkened world
And you shall reflect my light

Intertwining in a word of hope
For a world that is dark and hopeless
I knit Myself a scarf
And wrap it around my child

Projects for 2014

Many people make a whole bunch of promises of what they'll do in the New Year... I'm no longer going to participate in that... but I will show you what is on the agenda from now until possibly the Summer... I'll be taking it by ear... and one step at a time...

1. This Month: I'm working on going through my media... based on two "models" C.A.N. (Does it celebrate sin? Is the sin accessible? Does it normalize sin?) and "How does it make me feel?" These are models that my daddy uses with his media.
2. Next Monday: I'm starting a novel-in-a-year activity... 350 words in 260 days with weekends off. Aiming to post biweekly if not weekly updates @ my watty
3. Next month: Aiming to begin selling my artwork @ my deviantART
4. After Christmastime: Working to get my highschool diploma in homeschool.
5. Next year: I'll be aiming for jobs/volunteer work. Looking into Mary Kay. Also aiming to volunteer for my Library's Store
6. Through the Year: Making gifts for special occasions(bdays/anniversaries/Christmas)
7. Sometime next year: Getting a bike and stuff to accompany it for my main source of travel and bus tickets for when it rains.

This may change as time goes by... but there are a few, I know will stay.

Take in all the colors....before they fade to grey...

If the sacrifice of my physical health is what I must give unto Him as my offering, I will continue to say HOSANNA TO THE KING OF KINGS! So much to worship and praise and give thanks to Him for!

From day one... February 24, 2012 I made a decision to make my vows for the Greatest Lover one can ever have. I would work to let go of my armor only to Him. Such a fight and a struggle, but God continues to get a hold of me... Guided by my family and church family All Saints Church, Spartanburg through my faith since as far as I could remember... God used the valuable lessons spoken to me by these many brothers, sisters, and mentors and has grown me. I am far from finished... but I feel fulfilled. I am now guiding another believer the way I connected better to my faith(Thank you, Josiah)... After so long, I have finally come to a point where I can completely rejoice over the freedom, my beloved and precious sister, Savannah has. I give thanks to God for sending her Cole, and praise the Lord for making beauty out of the ashes through our lil Alice in Wonderland.... I am at peace and feel freed from the destruction of my past. The Holy Spirit landed as a dove on my heart... and blessed me to see the beauty of the harvest... Eli is rejoicing, our friend Nic is lighter... I am free from my bitter spirit. Forgiveness has broken through. I give thanks to God for the friends he has used to bring me up... The Lord our God is good and His mercy endures forever. I am alive, I am awake, I am strong, I am a survivor, I am an overcomer, I am a fighter, I am a lover, and I am a Child of God's.

Many people tell me I look like I'm in love... To smooth this out, I am. I have fallen sooo deep in love with a God I ran from for so long. I just want to please Him. I thank God for ALL of those who are my friends, and those who read this now... Remember, you all have had a part to play in making me who I am.