Soundwave Story Wednesdays - Start With Forgiveness

 

Last night, everything was movin’ so fast I could barely keep track Of my offenses or your defenses In hindsight, I woulda, coulda, shoulda not gone there But left without a word to spare Was it your offenses or my defensiveness?

I have a friend that I adopted as a twin brother of sorts. Often times he and I were at each other's throats. There was pride on both of our sides. Words said, deeds done that only tore us further apart. Many times our words would haunt at least myself every night...I never knew who was worse in an argument... but, now I realize we both monstrous to one another.

That’s got me thinkin’ that we’re never gonna get it right I wanna straighten this before the sun goes down tonight If I could only fight the bitterness I feel inside This thing is eatin’ me alive 

There were times bitterness took me over, but then I'd soften up for another blow in a tender spot. I really didn't enjoy hating him, I'd pull out rather quickly... and try again, and again....and again. But every word I said to him and every word he'd speak to me began eating me to the core... any good or bad thing said would do it... and it always reversed back to me... "How dare he? Well, I'll show him, and I'll screw me! ...it must be me... I'm the curse." that cycle only ate me away more and more and...I'd became a right terror! I'd lash back like an injured badger, trying to ward off attacks with vindictive strikes. I'd pull him down by his weaknesses.

Well I’m right here And you’re right there And God knows we’ve got to start somewhere ‘Cause I’m messed up And you’re broken And those shots we fired are still smokin’ 

When I'd pull out of the bitter attacks I'd weep and my heart would finally catch up with my head, and I'd be reaching out to him, "I've got to change this, before the sun sets on another death..." I wanted reconciliation, I hated the dragging down the two of us were doing to each other in degrading words, in my playing with his fears, I hated it! We were not portraying Christ in what we did... eye for eye, tooth for tooth... next we knew... we were blinded and toothless.

I’m tossin’ and turnin’ on the things I’d undo As I wrestle with the painful truth My sleep escapes me as guilt berates me Exhausted, the memories are drawing so near I can see it like a world premiere When did my objective lose all objectiveness? 

I'd stay up night after night, crying, aching, and begging God to lead me to forgive him and help me to make things right with him... I wanted to overcome this evil, this bitterness, the division... I wanted to show him that truly there was a light and hope... and that was Christ... it was one thing to know it... it was a whole nother thing to live like you know it... I wanted to shine light and hope on him and be the woman that God wished me to be.

If I need you, and you need me How can you turn your back and just leave me? When I’m right here, and you’re right there And God knows we’ve got to start somewhere 

Several times we'd cut each other and a pain would always take over... but, every time we did, I'd pray, and remember that I've been through other friendships like this, and now those friendships are in brighter days.... continuously I'd reach out to him... as I do with every friend.

I said some things that I regret And if I could, I’d take ‘em back If I could turn my words around You wouldn’t hear a sound But here I am, and there you are The space between us is not so far I’m reaching out my hand in love Before the fading sun, forgive me for what I’ve done

I'd constantly reach down to him, chance after chance. I sometimes don't understand why I do it. I only know one thing... I didn't want to be tortured by bitterness or anger, and I wanted to be his friend... and if I was going to be his friend, I might as well start pulling up my end to make it a productive friendship... Even with him asking me why I'd stay his friend after his treatment... I have no answer for him, the ones I give him can't be the true down deep answer... but, really, I was just as bad... even with my therapist asking me if it bothers me how much work I have to put in this relationship... I must say, I'm quite used to it, I often am the hardest worker in a relationship, and I'm happy to be... I have found some rewards in working so hard... and anyway...we all need mercy, we all need grace, we all need forgiveness....

READ MATTHEW 6:12&14-15

Solemnly in Christ,
Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith

The Hurt & The Healer --Everything's Gonna Be Alright Thursdays

Warrior Healer

By: Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith

Look at your reflection in the mirror, my sweet

Make a decision, with head held high

Shoulders back, choose a path

You're a warrior, they often say

Wipe away those tears, I know she's dead

But, you couldn't save her, so moving on

March ahead, you'll pull through

Remember who you're fighting for it's not about you

Trust The Lord with all your heart

It's about Him, so glorify His name

Remember there's a plan through it all

You'll not always be in the storm

Await His revelation, the light will shine through

And-- wait what is that?

A rainbow is overhead

Remember Yaweh's promises are ever true

Goodbye.

Leaving all chat use. With no intentions of coming back anytime soon... I'm also quitting writing for a while... I might start it up again... but for now... back to being that closet internet user that nobody will know.

Visionary Storytime Fridays - Introducing the Hope of Recovery

Light shines brighter at night. These years have proven it so. I am no longer defined by the night. What I did before has been cleansed at the cost of Christ. I am becoming the noble maiden that god longs me to be, but by no means have I been completed. I am restore to who I was to the core, and am slowly drawing nearer to the identity He made in me. However, even in knowing this all to be true, my past still comes to haunt me, and I fear the shadows shall take me again. I am afraid that I'll be so discouraged by the times that, once again, I shall lose recollection, and forget ho I am. I hated my life as it had been when it happened last time. I refuse to return to that lifestyle. But unease and unrest takes my heart, and in their hands they sow hopelessness, shame, a longing for death, and despair. Though such darkness come to snuff it, my candle remains a soft, warm, comforting glow to others, holding me firm in the hope of Christ. But, still, though my flesh threatens to end this suffering this instant, my spirit, my new heart, gently, yet firmly says no. I don't wish to persevere anymore, but I keep hearing kind words urging me on to continue the good fight, push on because it shan't always be like this. But still... Where is this said hope for us all? And then I answer my own question; Our Hope is all around us. He's in our air. He's in the land. He's above, below, beside, and before us. He guides us and is in our very hearts. Immanuel. Jehovah. Yaweh. The Great I AM. Jesus Christ. The WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. Amen, it is so. 

As Persephone Smith finished up the script in her journal, in the dimly lit room. She signed her name in beautiful script. Finally sealing the journal with red wax. She raised her head, and faced the mirror, revealing her auburn ringlets cascading as a fountain over her bare shoulders. Deep in the eyes, she saw the sorrow and wildness of a blue-green ocean. Her complexion soft, her skin fair, but thin and light, barely seen scars marred her face, neck, and shoulders. The flowing and wispy material on her form transparently glowed in the candlelight. She smiled warmly and sighed in her heavy heart. The process of her healing was truly on its way, but she was still afraid. The healer's apprentice... The maiden bard... the crippled warrior in recovery. Hope was molding her into maturity, she was still not ready for her calling, wherever it took her. Whatever it was. It was time to wait for the Lord.

Everything's Gonna Be Alright - Finding Your Beauty

The Mirror Lies (REVISED!)

If I told you who I was

I'd only know this to start;

I love to seek for the good in things

And adventure is my goal

I know that my heart mourns of things

In ways uniquely known

A joy arrayed in His light

To shine to the Hope of all

I know that what calls me forth in faith

Visions, dreams, music, and love

Colours and sounds in the world

I've often spoke with them alone

I am a child who lives life in sorrow

But, not all can even see

I have a simplicity yet a mystery about my life

That baffles the world and even me

They call me odd, mad and stupid

A fool, insane, posessed

But, I prefer to call myself unique

A mystery behind a veil

I am like a corridor of puzzles

Which has yet to be unlocked

Each day I find something new and hidden

And it comes to heal my heart

So, essentially I am a healing detective

I seek and venture through my world

Can't stay in one spot for long

For I long after spreading His word

I love to travel and wish I could more

I know my curiosity at times

Breaks me down to fear

But if I sought after the Lord again

These words would be fullfilled in me;

"The ones who seek shall find

The ones who ask receive."

Well in that light I choose to hope

That Christ with bless the Seeker in me

--A Seeker in Me by Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith

Joy's Lament... Soundwave Story Wednesdays

I'm starting a Wednesday Project of Soundwave Story Wednesdays, where I  elaborate on them with stories in it, that I've seen.

Today, I'm going to post some lyrics of a song that helped me through the years known a "Job Suite" by Michael Card...and the story is about myself.

Blameless and upright, a fearer of God A man truly righteous, no pious facade One about whom God was accustomed to boast And so one whom Satan desired the most One day the accuser came breathing out lies "It's Your holy handouts, his faithfulness buys" In one desperate day his possessions were lost His children all killed in one raw holocaust His children all killed in one raw holocaust

As a young child, I was raised upright, and was very true to it. I hated to lie, to hide, to run, I never masked myself, and was very close to the Lord. But, as my teen years began creeping in, we lost our house due to bankruptcy. I lost several friends I "adopted" as daughters, and sons... they went their own way and into their own darkness. It was a hard memory... but they were 4 kids who called me their "mummy". I forgot about it, but I watched them pull away and go into some bad things, and lost contact with them. I forgot about it, cuz I stowed it way deep inside. Their names were Sarah, Bekah, Ceirra & Figment homeschooling or online game friends.

Once more the Deceiver denounced and decried "It's skin for skin, and hide for hide, Strike down his flesh and he'll surely deny And confess that his praying has all been a lie." "Very well, take him," the Holy One sighed But you must spare his life, my son shall not die So Job was afflicted with terrible sores Sat down in the ashes to wait for the Lord Sat down in the ashes to wait for the Lord

When I was in these new apartment, I'd often get abscesses, had a lot of pains in my ankles and body, I often shook very violently and was often getting chills, a lot of tremors, and lost the ability to have my monthly. I'd be going to the doctors and lost a lot of my health, sometimes my digestive system was faulty and making me very ill. I'd moan a lot... and it got worse, sending a lot of doubts in my mind... I'm just now in my healing process in my body, mind and spirit and I can feel the slow change.

A throne of ashes A crown of pain A sovereign of sorrow A mournful reign May the day of my birth be remembered no more May darkness and shadow come and claim it once more Why did I not perish on that dreadful day And sleep now where kings and counselors lay What I dreaded most has now come upon me Why is light given those in misery? I loathe my own life, so my tears fall like rain As I find that there is no peace in my pain

There were long years through my late teens to now where I lost all hope. I wanted death and often tried. I felt like it wasn't worth all this... I didn't understand why I had to live. I hated my entire existence. God, family and friends barred my way and there were times I set dates that I'd kill myself, but then met new friends that made me want to continue... 

Lord, send a Comforter now to my door So that this terror will frighten no more A Counselor between us, to come bear my oath Someone who could lay a hand on us both These friends of mine are no comfort to me So deafly they listen, so blindly they see Their words and their doctrine, they all sound so true The problem is Lord, they're all wrong about you!

I'd beg God, beg anyone to comfort me, to stop the terrors playing out in front of me. Often times in my life, even well into my childhood there were folks who were friendly but never were real friends... We had been kicked out of churches saying we were a disruption. I was bullied more in church than in my own schools. They'd tell us the ways we could be forgiven, how we could heal, and how to earn our grace... they sounded like truth, but I always knew my God was more than that... He was loving and caring and never would demand works to earn His grace. I knew it was unbiblical and they were all lying...

I know my Advocate waits upon high My Witness in heaven sees the tears that I cry A true intercessor who will condescend To plead with God as a man pleads for his friend If I've been untrue, if I've robbed the poor If I'm without guilt, what am I suffering for? God would not crush me for some secret sin And though He slay me still I'll trust in Him

But, doubts still ran through my mind and I felt conflicted... what if they were right? But what I know they aren't, but what if God does want to punish me? Am I truly evil? Am I truly nothing to Him? Tears, agony, and the hurt would overflow to a knife and still reaching out... Folks thought I was possessed... they believed I was evil and God could never forgive me... so I took on all that identity for myself and on myself... made some folks believe what I believed and yet they still aimed to help, I didn't know what I could do... I thought I was lower than dirt. but I still kept deciding, redeciding and deciding again that I'd trust God.

I know now that my Redeemer's alive He'll stand on this earth on the day He arrives And though my own body by then is no more Yet in my flesh I know, I'll see the Lord I'll see the Lord, I'll see the Lord

There were moments I'd stand in victory and cry that I'd stand in Him, I knew He'd come again for me... I knew that whether or not I'd live or die... I'd see Him and I knew that'd be my only one desire then, but I still fell and felt horrible... the conflict still tore at me, and I'd roar in the battles I was in...

Who is it that darkens my counsel? Who speaks empty words without knowledge? Brace yourself up like a man And answer me now, if you can Can you put on glory and splendor? What's the way to the home of the light? Does your voice sound like the thunder? Are you not afraid? Where were you when earth's foundations were laid? Who gave the heart its wisdom? The mind its desire to know? Can you bind the stars? Raise your voice to the clouds? Did you make the eagle proud? Will the ox spend the night by your manger? Did you let the wild donkey go free? Can you take leviathan home as a pet? If you merely touched him, you'd never forget Who is it that darkens my counsel? Who speaks empty words without knowledge? Brace yourself up like a man And answer me now, if you can

There was a long time that God came and taught me the meaning of following. And all He'd do was ask questions to spark me to think things through. He'd warn, convict, encourage, and strengthen. His exhortation through His word, my family and friends, and through my own experience would calm me in times of trials. I'd stumble and fall away but I made the decision to never walk away, though it looked wayward to me and a few friends, He kept me under His wings...

I am unworthy, how can I reply? There's nothing that you cannot do You are the storm that calmed my soul I place my hand over my mouth I place my hand over my mouth 

Once realizing the truth behind His words, I'd yield and remain silent, and recommit to the task... aiming to be a better follower.

READ JOB 42:10-17

I still have hope in the blessing of Heaven. And am aiming so hard to press forward... still go on a merry-go-round in this world... but I will never walk away from Him.

Solemnly in Christ,
Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith

Everything's Gonna Be Alright --Face Your Doubts

I'M HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT GOD --Sammy Adebiyi

Fear vs. Courage --a talk with the Father

By: Arianna P. Scriptsmith

I lay on the ground, weeping heavily and shaking in my ripped shirt, on the floor. My tears pooled in a puddle on the tiles. I shuddered there as if cold.

"Why do you cry my child?" a soothing, still voice came over me as if a hand lay a warm blanket over me.

I looked up to the ceiling, with tears staining my cheeks, "Oh, Father, I am afraid."

"What is it that you are afraid of? Have I not commanded you not to fear?" the voice responded to me, in a voice of kind rebuking.

I tensed up, as if preparing for something unpleasant, "I-- I am afraid, because I am not able. I fear that I will hurt the brother I care for. I back him up... but, I'm afraid that I'll fall back down. I'm afraid I'll just be another one of that long list of people that fought by his side... and became a traitor I--"

Something like a loving embrace took me by surprise as I heard Him whisper in my ear again, "Child, don't be afraid. I AM with you. You will surly not fall back with me by your side. Rest, with your heart at peace. For I have not given you a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. Be still, and know that I AM God. I am everything you need in the next battle and the next and the next. Just rely on Me and not your own understanding. Peace I give to you, child, sleep."

Did It Matter Anyway?

By: Arianna P. Scriptsmith

Here I am, as I claw my helmet off

Throwing it to the floor, and dragging my feet to lie down

Raking my fingers through my hair I groan in bottled up rage

Sighing and shutting my eyes to the scent of my crisp sheets

There I lay, broken and tattered down in a field

The gold blades of tall grass, blowing in the breeze

I crawled through the tall grass, to a laughing stream

Dipping my bloodied hand into the cool carressing flow

I weep right there and moan, "Lord, did it matter anyway?"

A gentle hand was placed on my back as the Voice I loved spoke

"Let me ask you another question, and I hope you will hear

Did it matter when I, on the cross, cried out the payment done?

What of when those 40 days and nights I walked the wilderness rebuking Satan to go?

Tell me if it mattered at all when I took the form of a babe?

But, of course, it mattered... and so does your fight for Me.

Don't give it all up, for this, when trials will bring endurance

You can make it, by my Spirit, so don't fret anymore.

Take My strength, for you are weak, and I will raise you up."

Opening up my eyes again, I was in the dark of my room

Looking to my feet, I sighed, and bent to bear my helm

Topping it upon my head, I straightened up, full height

Marching out of my room, I pulled out the blade and stopped

A shadow looked into my eyes, unwavering onto it's non-form

I stared it down, fearlessly and drove the sword into it's head

Light pierced in the room, blinding my deathly eyes

Just in time to bring back sight, enough to see the demon gone

"It takes time, pain...and a lot of it." --Daddy

...And that requires that you turn and face the fears/doubts/etc. and ask your questions, don't be afraid to not know.

"Lord, bolden my daughter and my wife when it comes to prayer, bring out their voices in courage. so that they dont worry about what anybody think... that they'd be strong and courageous and end this spirit of timidity." --Daddy