"The noise and confusion gave way to His word At last sacred silence so God could be heard"

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Introduction

Sorry, y'all for not writing much since my last post... It's been an entire year now, huh? Well, heyuu again ladies and gents! Anyhow, life began to settle down a tad, only to get confusing and chaotic again. We moved in around July 2015 and enjoyed the house lots... But then we realized the hard way that we couldn't afford it... So I have lots of news about that... and other things;

...Yet Again...

 Well, after a year of living in this awesome house, we are moving out yet again.... But it's gonna be a wee bit different this time. My brother and I are being nudged out of the nest and having to move now. Well, that isn't unheard of; (haha!) after all, Aric's 26 and I am about to turn 23 in 2 weeks... This scared me a lot at first... But, now even though I have butterflies in my tummy, I at peace with this knowledge... and almost excited about it, too! I have to prove to my mother that I can handle living on my own without living in a group home. And to do that, I must keep my room clean, manage my dishes well, stretch my money as long as I can, and stretch my food throughout the month. I'm pretty confident that I can do this, but it is taking me a wee bit of time to do it. To many people, this is just their daily routine... For me, though, it is a struggle...

Within 9 Months...

Daddy made me aware that he is going to aim to change his name to either MacKenzie or MacMillan within 9 months. To add to that, he said he is adopting my brother and myself. After 17 years of waiting, I'm almost broke down on my own, cuz I was so filled with joy. I have been hoping for this for so long, so gimme a break! lolz!

New Style... Hippy Goth!

Welp, I changed my style up a wee bit to Hippy Goth. Obviously it's a Christianized Version of it! Just trying to find myself. And I think I have :) I feel comfortable with my choice in style. Hopefully growing out my mullet so I can have long hair agree and I plan to dye my hair auburn red and black, in highlights! xD So far, though, I am hiding my mullet with hats, scarves, and hoodies. lolz!

Conclusion

I really do have more to update y'all on, but I am pressed for time and can only update this post when on the library pc's for the time being and I have to run to Celebrate Recovery here soon! If y'all ever want more consistent updates, go visit on my instagrams and tumblrs:

spartanbugragamuffin - Instagram
sweetspicegingersnap - Instagram
lightformi - Instagram

The Tales of a Ragamuffin Warrioress
Luceo Non Uro (I Shine Not Burn)

Enjoy! And I will try to update back again later!

"Step by step, one day at a time. I know whatever comes my way I’ll be fine. I don't need anything more than right here, right now."

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Introduction

Hey guys, things are tight and overwhelming, but I believe things are under control. God has us and though things are rough and stressful I know God won't let us go...

Emergency Move!

Wow... things escalated quickly since my last blogpost. We will be moving August 4th. We have to be packed and completely out by then because there is toxic mold in my bedroom and our lease is up in August... God provided some good options, but I often wonder how we're gonna pull this off. I'm going through my things and trashing ruined things and cleaning up mold from my things before packing them and typing up my hard copies of my writing and then trashing them... I am so overwhelmed! But, I am trying to be optimistic and positive and more importantly trust in God through it all...

EDIT: God provided a house, money for the down payment, free boxes from various stores, and a place to get reasonably priced packing tape. If he could provide for all that I am quite convinced that he is gonna pull through with the time to pack up and move there. And here I was doubting and afraid that we might not get through this... It was pretty quick that these things took place.

Conclusion

I won't be posting as much due to these turn of events but, I will try to blog asap! So, prayers, brothers and sisters in Christ, would be very much appreciated... God bless y'all! A buh-bye!

"Who are you to change this world? Silly Boy! No one needs to hear your words. Let it go."

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Introduction

Hello to all my loverlies! Life has been a rough ride lately. I've been struggling with depression and not wanting to connect with humanity. I've been afraid to do as the Lord called me to do. I've also been so absorbed by the news lately. But, otherwise, I am about to turn 22 in 11 days and life is a blessing! I have been fairly consistent in my birthday countdown and listening to new music by bands/artists that follow me on instagram and twitter and writing plent of poems on wattpad:

Work and Insecurities

I will be hopefully working at the New Day Clubhouse with a slight possibility of living there too! I am excited to get more active in my adult life! It gives me some butterflies in my stomach, but it is a healthy nervousness... :) Though there are some good things in my life, been overcome by shame and fear over my actions and the insanity of the world. It makes it hard to trust my instincts and to trust God. Even though I say I trust and believe in His grace, I feel as though that is a mask rather than faith... For some strange reason, I trust Satan's lies more than God's truth... and that grieves me.

Birthday Time!

I took Gramma out to eat at Jason's Deli instead of Nose Dive and it was nice to get some time with her... She bought me water dancing speakers and a scarf:

I enjoy these a lot and I look forward to my birthday (and my Gramma's, Aunt's, Daddy's, and Cousin's) that is coming up! :D

Conclusion

Also, I started up a ligtformi instagram! Looking forward to getting onto that. I'll be writing several books soon, but I've come across some writer's block... which isn't fun! I've also taking upon myself the responsibility of mentoring a friend in the faith. I am finding that hard for me to do, but I feel it is God's hand guiding me in... but I admit that I maybe wrong... But, prayers in all of this would be appreciated! And I love ye all! Anyhoo peace out rock on and be good! bai bai!!!

"God help the outcasts, children of God..."

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Introduction

As said in my LIGHTforMI post, I have been going through a lot of stuff. But, I've been pulling through it all with writing, spending time with Aneira and enjoying music! I've cleaned my bedroom after so long. And am beginning to cut my losses and learning that through prayer, I'll make it. And that prayer, in essence is a poem... So many of prayers are becoming poems soon to be songs. So these are the poems I've been working on lately, and I'm aiming to write a fictional story based on these poems;

The Ragamuffin Gospel [by Brennan Manning] and onto The Prodigal God [by Timothy Keller] and More...

Well, I finished the book, The Ragamuffin Gospel and I'm moving onto The Prodigal God. It was a wonderful, mind-altering book to read! I look forward to reading my next spiritual book! I am reading The Princess Spy by Melanie Dickerson and it is no disappointment, either! It's just as good as the others! Working on Momoru, still! Just as excited as before to finish my first story! Things are working out to be good!

Birthday Month A-Comin'!

July is fast approaching! I'm going to be 22! I am planning to go to Nose Dive on Main in Greenville with my Gramma to share our birthday meal! And from June 22nd-July 22nd I'll be hosting my Hobbit Birthday Party Themed writing challenge on my writing blog! I'm soo excited! My parents' anniversary is on the 3rd, for that I'm planning a surprise for 'em!

Oh! I Almost Forgot! The Highland Games [..and more...]!

The Highland Games was awesome! And I've been going off and doing many more activities [which you can look at on my instagram!] I have many other activities planned [like the Adult Summer Readin, which I've already begun!] cuz I'm trying to keep myself busy to keep my recovery going steady I've gotten 2 weeks and a day without cutting for which that I'm proud!

Conclusion

So... to finish this rant... I'm glad that I'm alive! Even with the rough seas! Being there for my sis in her own trials is nice! And my recovery from erotica reading is beginning to look like the duel between Hinata and Neji Hyuga in Naruto...

Ending me up like:

But still fighting...

Lately, I've been miserable:

But, I am thankful to my family and friends for standing by me through all this... :3

And knowing that God loves even me is strengthening me through all my trials and mess ups. REMINDER TO MYSELF: I AM HIS MASTERPIECE, HIS EMPIRE, HIS MOSAIC, HIS ARCHITECTURE!

And for that I can smile through tears... Peace out and rock on!

"When strength turns to crippled, I've learned to silence the world and listen"

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

 

Convention, trip, highland games. oh my!

Well, today begins a homeschool covention in Greenville! So excited! I will definitely update you guys on that! Mum volunteered to help out tomorrow, so we're going for free! And in April, obviously there's Easter, we'll be doing what we normally do. Probably a Seder Meal, making our easter cookies, and decorating eggs! Then four days later, I'll be going up to Illinois to see my friends, Kindy, Mandie and Savvy! So excited 'bout that too! And with the highland games coming in May as well... I'm kinda overwhelmed by the excitement I have! hehe! xD Sooo... yeah!

The Ragamuffin Gospel [by Brennan Manning]

It's been difficult to put this book down, it's caught my heart just as much as the dailyaudiobible did in 2014. Through it, I see God differently, and as a companion to the bible readings, I have come to a new understanding of the grace and love of God. For so long, family, church friends, close friends and the not-so close friends, pastors and authors, singers, artists and theologians they said the same thing over and over and over. I didn't understand. It didn't pierce through immediately, it is being drilled it. But now it's been drilled in deeper through mental pictures, stories. It's being said differently. Not only said, but shown to my mind. Realizing how much God loves us all just through Creation... Holding the universe together, if He was not in any of this and He let go, we'd all fall apart and all of Creation with us. That's grace! The fact that it does rain, it does storm, that there is light and oxygen for us proclaims the grace of God. And it has been so fogged over for so long.

We tend to forget. We forget who we are in Christ. The very fact that He died the way He died, refusing anything that would dull the pain. He died the most humilating and excruciating death possible...and He took it all on full-force. He did not only suffer the physical agony, but also suffered the pain of betrayal. We, His creation, made in His Image...we betrayed Him and all He said was; "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." We forget the cost of our sins and the what price was given. We so easily become so numb to that fact. I am so drawn to this passion. So deeply in love with this God, this Man that sacrificed everything. I could stand here and talk about this all day and never grow tired of it, but I am so speechless about it by this point, now. All I can say is; Epic, radical, awesome is this God and this love He has for us
 

So, with the excitement and moving of the spirit, I just have become  a basket case of joy. Realizing that I am not so far as I thought. And knowing that I can't save myself or anyone else has become a comfort. Knowing that my past doesn't define me and that I am only human, a sinner has become what helps me to have peace. Knowing that God loves and accepts me as I am, and wants to mend this little raggedy and messed up girl's spirit, mind and body, give her life that begins in the now and continues onto eternity it humbles and stills me. If only I would always believe and know this, but as a human, I will turn away often from where my Help lies and try other avenues, it's the curse of the sinners. Soon, I shall be whole. And I look forward to that day!

Conclusion

Kinda at a hold in my writing. And I forgot to mention something in the last blogpost... I have created a new blog on faith. Also, changed my username on watty again. And I updated LIGHTforMI about coping skills [finally! lol!] So, yeah! I'm a wee bit scatterbrained lately... I'mma vanish now and bid thee all a farewell, have an amazing day y'all! Peace out!

"And we'll make our way back home; For the King is still on the throne!"

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Well, I have been away of late for a while, eh? Well, I don't really have an excuse for it, but I do have a reason... Been depressed for a bit. I allowed my past to kinda control my decisions. But I'm rising up again now.

A Ragamuffin Saint

So, lately it has been a difficult time, been feeling as though I am rotting away. It's weird, but I have pulled the response of the Israelites wishing they had died in Egypt or remained slaves... Whine, whine, whine, grumble and complain... I am certain that I very often make God as sickened from my dizzying mood swings and waywardness as much as I am certain I sicken myself, my family and friends...Sometimes I wonder very often if I am too much of a handful for my family and friends... I am certain that I am too much of a handful for myself... but I am just glad I am not too much for God!

God certainly hasn't given up on me, and for that I am very grateful. He's constantly calling out for me. Through the things I read, watch, write, and listen to. So I will not give up on myself anymore... Starting to pick back up the pieces of my shattered hopes and dreams and give them up to God once more... I now know that in believing in Christ's love, mercy and grace, that it isn't like how I thought it was... I don't say, "Jesus, come into my heart. Amen." and then suddenly have a holy upward spiral of success in the faith... It's not about having faith in Christ then you are magically and completely converted that moment and no longer have struggles with the same darned sin... It's about having faith in Christ and the continuous transformation and growth in faith. Being framed and reframed and reframed again until we come to Heaven. When we die and go up into paradise, that's when we our transformation will completed. As long as we breathe in this world, we will always be growing, we never stop!

Stuff that is happening....

I've been writing a lot lately... Of Love and Courage is somewhat popular amongst my fans and followers on Wattpad... I dunno if it really is that great, but many folks think it is... So, here you can be the judge of it.

I've also decided to be selling my service as a digital artist on fiverr! I'm hoping it will be a success... Today, I just started listening to Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning! It is good so far from what I have heard. It has a radical and earth-shattering message in it. So far, I'd say it is a good read and suggest it to others!

Conclusion

I'm trying to figure things out in my faith. Still trying to know where I stand. According to my parents, I will be trying to do this for a while... I am in the process of taking my faith as my own, still and so I am testing the waters. Prayers during this time, my brothers and sisters in Christ, would be much needed and appreciated... So, I'mma leave you with this question [one I will be pondering myself as well...] Do you believe that Jesus loves you? I mean really truly unconditionally... Do you live your life as if Jesus loves you no matter what you do, how you feel, where you're at etc.? Think on that and God bless you all;

"And the children keep learning; How to grow up big and strong"

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Recovery and Projects

Well, hello again, folks! Been an interesting time since I last posted... I believe things are really improving since my visit with my therapist. 'T'was a difficult road, and it still will be, for a time. I've been spending time in Scripture and prayer, have aimed to apply what I have promised to my therapist, doctor and my parents. Hmm... Still in the process of leaving my past and my fears behind, where it should be. A difficult feat, but I truly aim for full recovery. God's grace goes before me, and though I don't always feel it, I know it is the truth. My projects are coming along, but I'm going to set a general schedule for my day tonight to improve the process of my recovery, homeschool and my projects.

 

Events (and Things I Look Forward To)

Mum's birthday is coming up (on February 5th)! I'm thinking about making her something with my talents, she'd treasure it more, even if it is a small and simple thing. Then, I am hoping to take my little sister to go to the Winter Jam 2015 the day after mum's bday! We're both looking forward to it! And then there's February 12th, I shall be going back to the library for the second Writing Show, hosted by the Hub City Writer's Project, about writing food in stories... This one was the one I was looking forward to most(that and the one about writing wars in story on May 14)! Red is coming out with their newest album on the 24th! I really want to have it, but I do not have the money to buy it just yet... So, February is busy, busy, and filled with things! And I've been setting plans for my trip in April... We're trying to see if we can visit IL, with our friend Kindy, instead of TX, and to go there from April 9th-16th then go to have a week or two with Savvy in IN... Just hoping I'll be able to afford this trip!

Conclusion

And so, with all that said, it's a wonder I've not lost my mind due to the heavy weight of promises, commitments, and responsibilities that I must bear due to all this good news and hopes that I have raised. It is a lil burdensome, however, it's very exciting and something I really take pleasure in doing! I just hope I don't completely lose it due to the stress... probably already have though :P So, uhm...hmmm.... *wonders if I should break the commitment to take that sabbatical from April to July* welp, peace out! Rock on! and...