#30daysofbrave 3/30: "What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."

Before I talk about my challenge for the day, I would like to bring up two sites that have helped me greatly in my writing! And they are a great way to get rid of your writers block! 

This one I used to use ALL THE FRIGGING TIME especially during NaNoWriMo... It is a wonderful way for you to write continuously.... Write Or Die

And this one is a newer find for me.... called Fighter's Block. And it explains things better than I can, on the picture...

 YESTERDAY:

My gut is: 51 1/2 inches.
My weight is: around 245 lbs??(I will update you if this is correct on Sunday)

Day 3/30 of Brave:

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT:

Ask a friend what they see as your greatest strength and greatest weakness.

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:

INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY: 

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."

- ABRAHAM MASLOW

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS

• One of my greatest strengths has always been …​
• One of my greatest weaknesses that I acknowledge …

I would say one of my greatest strengths is rising after a failure and carrying on. Even when I want to give in, desperately, I don't quit. Pushing through has always been my signature in life. I can say that I give up, but I don't know the word. I really love this about my personality.

One of my greatest weaknesses that I acknowledge is that I don't know boundaries very well. I tend to emotionally vomit on people and I am very intense. I tend to be clingy and also very dependent on other's opinions of me. I am exceptionally codependent.

Luceo non uro,

P.S.

I compiled a playlist for this challenge! What do you think of my selections?

#30daysofbrave 2/30:"Revelation come! I wanna know why I'm....... Consuming what I'm consuming"

Before I get into today's challenge for the day... I wanted to share a few things. First off, in my recovery, I've been using a site called...

CLICK THE PIC REALLY! CLICK IT! CLICK IT!

Anyhow... normal voice scripting now. This great website has an iPhone and Android app (and for those who do not have smartphones, it has a website, thus, the reason I wanted you to click the pic) and is an epic way to track your road to recovery. It is designed to help you break unhealthy and destructive habits and make new healthy, and productive ones. It treats your life as an RPG Game and is a good way to also keep track of to-do lists.

And well, I've reached level 68 in it. Been using it since April or May. And as you can see, below... I set a few tasks made to help me through my recovery, including placing #30daysofbrave as a daily task... Anyhow that is my shout-out for today...

Day 2/30 of Brave:

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT

I will hold myself accountable to completing my 30-day goal by making one of the following commitments:

CHOICE IS HIGHLIGHTED IN GREEN!

I will be keeping track of my progress on this blog and facebook (and when I can find my phone, I'll track it on instagram)

TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPT

Committing to this 30-day journal is important to me because …

Taking up this challenge in of itself is important to me because I wish to live a braver life. And thus, journalling each day is important to me because my future self may soon forget that I am a bravehearted lass. I am as courageous as a gryphon. Connecting to that gryphon within me is important to carry on now, but connecting to that gryphon within me is also important for my future self to know who she is.

I want my life to be a reflection of Yaweh. I want to be able to stand up for my integrity and purity. I want to be healthy inside and out. And I want to be truly myself. Learning who I am through any unorthodox means that I can do within moral boundaries. I want to be creative in my lifestyle, my arts, and my media tastes.

Luceo non uro,

#30daysofbrave: Day 1/30: "From a tiny spark may burst a mighty flame."

Taking up the #30daysofbrave challenge xD While I was going through youtube, I stumbled across a video done by Psych2go called "13 things people don't know you are doing because of your anxiety" I watched it and saw their shout-out to the challenge. Thanks Psycho2go! You all are helping so many people with your informal videos! And a special thanks goes to Intention Inspired for thinking up the challenge!

Day 1/30 of Brave: 

TODAY'S BRAVE ACT: 

Choose a physical object to serve as a reminder of why you committed to this 30-Day Brave Challenge.

I chose my gryphon pendant. I'll hang it either by my door or next to my laptop. When I am not wearing it.

INPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY: 

"From a tiny spark may burst a mighty flame."
- DANTE ALIGHIERI

TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPT: 

What was the seed that inspired you to start this 30-day challenge?

Lately has been a struggle. Depression and anxiety has been drowning me and therapy, psychiatry, fellowship, and my recovery seems unimportant and pointless. Thus I knew it was when I needed to persevere most.

My goals in this challenge are to:

• Being more creative with my time
• Losing ten pounds
• Standing up for myself

Self-harming, suicidal thoughts, insecurities and the entire circus of madness has weighed myself far too long! Let's see what this brave yun vagabond can do!

Luceo non uro,

"If you face the fear that keeps you frozen Chase the sky into the ocean That's when something wild calls you home, home"

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Introduction

Life has been rough lately. But I've been working to improve myself and to cope with my issues. The way I'm doing it is the most unorthodox way you could ever do it though. And believe me it is something WILD! But I'll get to it at the end!

I'm Not Perfect...

As many know I have severe BPD, Bipolar NOS, and anxiety/panic disorder. Often times I have difficulty living through it. I do many things I truly regret which often leaves me in bed, all day, I feel things deeply and am very turbulent. And, regrettably, I can walk all over my friends.  

Although it's not all bad to have these things, as they also helps me learn perseverance. It also makes life a daily a struggle... I struggle to even keep up with my hygiene to get y'all see how bad it is. So sometimes, I find myself not noticing how I treat my friends and family. I emotionally vomit and cross boundaries, without even knowing I'm doing it. Recently, I had a situation in church where exactly that happened. I overused people, without realizing it and was banned shorting then put on a trial-based return. And last night, it came to my attention, that there are several friends may be dealing with it too. 

I admit I am not perfect and I'm not using my mental illness as an excuse. I only bring it up to explain that it isn't out of malice or because I wanna make things difficult. I also want to apologize to any who I've done this to recently. Just so you know I may need y'all to be blunt with me. Don't be scared to tell me that I'm crossing lines. If the topic in of itself may hurt and you don't wanna hurt me, just tell me. I honestly would rather be hurt than to continually hurt other. Obviously don't try to purposefully hurt me, but don't be scared to be upfront.

Face Everything and Rise; What True Courage Is...

Now, that we got that situation dealt with I'll get onto the next topic... I wanted to write a bit of encouragement for everyone. Many of my friends are going through a rough time too. They believe that their unforgiven, or that they cannot live on their own, single, or that they have to trudge on by their own strength, or that they should just die... Let me tell you guys something.... You guy so courageous. I've seen how you guys fight hard. I've seen your beautiful hearts love and love and love on people.

Brother, you are forgiven, God loves you beyond your missteps and even most cruelest of things. He made you, a vessel of dishonour into a vessel of honour. You are forgiven of even the most disgusting sins you've committed, go in courage, and be encouraged. Sister, you are amazing. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. You don't need a lover to give you worth. And the fact you are still here shows your courage and that you're worth so much more. Brother, I forgive for what you've done. And I understand your fear to open up. You still believe you gotta do this alone. You have the guts and toughness of  a fighter. But not the courage and compassion of a true warrior, but it isn't too late, be encouraged to come home....

Not A Race

43 days ago I relapsed (again) and cut. But I cut 3 times before that... The first time, I had to get some stitches. I've had to come to terms with that. Encouraging myself and realizing that I am not racing for perfection. I'm in a dance and learning, daily how to change things in order to improve. Relapses aren't a step back. It's a lesson in adjusting so you know the last strategy doesn't work and can find one that will. Thus I bring the hope in the storm to y'all....

My Own Unorthodox Coping (& Conclusion)

Well, that comes to my last bit... I'm a furry now, coping with my stuff and planning a ministry to help mentally ill kids... :) Go visit my furry blog here... Peace out and rock on, dahlings! May fair winds follow you and the Author guide you,
Ari

(ALL PICTURES BELONG TO ME--except the gifs-- AND ARE COPYRIGHTED (C) 2017)

EDIT: Also I'll be quitting wattpad now... only coming back on to transfer writings on docs.... I'll give you a heads up later to tell you where I'll be posting my writings, or if I will be...

"By your spirit I will rise from the ashes of defeat. The resurrected King is resurrecting me."

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

 

Introduction

Well, woooorld of the 'net! It is I, Mari Fahel McKimzey (...or Ari...) back from the "dead"! Second move was a success and to top it, now that Aric is moved out, we have a much better relationship with each other! Furthermore, I'm getting him to come with me to Merge tonight! But I'll talk more on that in a moment.... anyhoo....

 

Celebrate Recovery, New Day, and Merge... Oh d-d-d-dear-dear...

CR is taking a break for until the first of the year so that they can regroup, many of their leaders left after all. Meanwhile, I'm going to New Day once more. Focusing on becoming more independent so when the next opportunity to move comes, I'll be prepared to move out and not deal with the stress of living with my folks anymore. I love my family and all, but I'm growing really tired of living with them and want to grow with a bit more room now... On a brighter note, I've been going to Merge every week, and as the introduction suggest, my brother and I are going there together, tonight. After striking a deal with him for spending the night with him last night and missing morning church, he agreed to go with me!

NaNoWriMo '16, LIGHTforMI, Advent Countdown, and Vloggin' TOO!

As everyone can tell though, it is November! And y'all know what that means too! NaNoWriMo(and the upcoming advent countdown)! This year, I started writing this book:

 

I'm hoping to get it done this year, but it's not very likely... Anyhoo.... for the advent countdown, everyone knows I make Christmas art up until Christmas! This year, it'll be held on my Art Instagram :D Recently I've also been vlogging on my instagrams and on my musical.ly! If you go to find me on that app, I am @braveyunvagabond.

 

Also have been trying to focus on my ministry...difficult though it may be on my own... I'm hoping that I can find a way to make prompts for others to write, draw, make speeches or sing things on mental illness so we can push this forward... Also expanding the media into audio a visual on youtube and podcasts field with the expansion I call Soundwaves of Love! Please support me in this...

 

Conclusion

With all that said, I'm hoping y'all are having a blessed autumn! With Thanksgiving and Christmas on the way, I'd like to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas because it may be a while before I can get back to blog lolz! But do you like my new template y'all? Anyhoo... Peace out and rock on folks!

 

....and I've returned....yet again!

Hello, y'all! I'm back! Lately I've had to come to the library to post, as mention before in my last post. And since it's so blooming hot this summer in South Carolina (it got to 101 degree Fahrenheit on Friday) I'd prefer to come here only two times a week (Friday for Celebrate Recovery and Sunday for Merge!) Anyhoo, I said I had plenty to update y'all on, and because of this I am kinda breaking my usual layout on blogposts...

So, where to start? January of this year I began going to Celebrate Recovery and since then I've built my support group. The church that it was held in was First Baptist Spartanburg and so, I learned that there was also a college group that met Sunday evenings (that would be Merge). March of this year I started going there big time and making great new friends.

I went to the library a lot during the Autumn, Winter and Spring and went to a meeting for NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) and told them of my ministry for mental illness and they began to team up with us. Mum has been going on training meetings and they have a few for myself as well. Through this opportunity, I do hope that LIGHTforMI will get a little more well known.

Art, music and writing has become a huge deal in my life, especially now. And practicing it seems to make me better and better at it. I am often setting challenges for myself and have also decided to start writing all things with my left hand rather than my right. Daddy and my brother have taught me how to shoot (daddy's teaching me archery, Aric's teaching me slingshots and pellet guns hehe!) And I'm picking up new hobbies!

It's been a very eventful year and I wish one post was enough to explain all of it... but I will update/catch up with all of you later, definitely! You see, the library closes at 6pm and I want the rest of this hour for other things, and I gotta get to Merge around 6:30! Peace out y'all! Rock on~! Buh bye!

"The noise and confusion gave way to His word At last sacred silence so God could be heard"

The Lyrics In The Title Came From...

Introduction

Sorry, y'all for not writing much since my last post... It's been an entire year now, huh? Well, heyuu again ladies and gents! Anyhow, life began to settle down a tad, only to get confusing and chaotic again. We moved in around July 2015 and enjoyed the house lots... But then we realized the hard way that we couldn't afford it... So I have lots of news about that... and other things;

...Yet Again...

 Well, after a year of living in this awesome house, we are moving out yet again.... But it's gonna be a wee bit different this time. My brother and I are being nudged out of the nest and having to move now. Well, that isn't unheard of; (haha!) after all, Aric's 26 and I am about to turn 23 in 2 weeks... This scared me a lot at first... But, now even though I have butterflies in my tummy, I at peace with this knowledge... and almost excited about it, too! I have to prove to my mother that I can handle living on my own without living in a group home. And to do that, I must keep my room clean, manage my dishes well, stretch my money as long as I can, and stretch my food throughout the month. I'm pretty confident that I can do this, but it is taking me a wee bit of time to do it. To many people, this is just their daily routine... For me, though, it is a struggle...

Within 9 Months...

Daddy made me aware that he is going to aim to change his name to either MacKenzie or MacMillan within 9 months. To add to that, he said he is adopting my brother and myself. After 17 years of waiting, I'm almost broke down on my own, cuz I was so filled with joy. I have been hoping for this for so long, so gimme a break! lolz!

New Style... Hippy Goth!

Welp, I changed my style up a wee bit to Hippy Goth. Obviously it's a Christianized Version of it! Just trying to find myself. And I think I have :) I feel comfortable with my choice in style. Hopefully growing out my mullet so I can have long hair agree and I plan to dye my hair auburn red and black, in highlights! xD So far, though, I am hiding my mullet with hats, scarves, and hoodies. lolz!

Conclusion

I really do have more to update y'all on, but I am pressed for time and can only update this post when on the library pc's for the time being and I have to run to Celebrate Recovery here soon! If y'all ever want more consistent updates, go visit on my instagrams and tumblrs:

spartanbugragamuffin - Instagram
sweetspicegingersnap - Instagram
lightformi - Instagram

The Tales of a Ragamuffin Warrioress
Luceo Non Uro (I Shine Not Burn)

Enjoy! And I will try to update back again later!