Her passion and imagination was so vast and so wild, it came curling from the top of her head
~M.J. FAHEL MCKIMZEY |
I'm a brave ragamuffin princess raised in SC! Bookdragon, Blogger, Vlogger Scriptsmith, Artisan ,&; Bard for Christ.
So the past few days, I have been incredibly productive. With my mental health sorta going really down after some incredibly unfortunate circumstances, I finally "snapped" and started on writing, a little bit every day in 4thewords.com, cleaning up my room, creating emojis for discord, and trying new games on steam. My goal is to get back into the swing of things with my creative pursuits, my ministries, and in my day-to-day life. I am also hoping to get back into community with others even if it is online so that I am more expanded and no longer focused on Tyvek and one discord server. I finally decided to cut Facebook out as I lost my temper and the camel broke its back after yet another case of toxic behaviour from a "friend" when I was coping with a harmless post during the time that my mother was in the ER, getting an intestinal surgery. After finally cutting it out save for messenger, I feel oh so much more healthier and calm. Shortly after my mum getting her surgery, my family friend, Marge died at 92 which truly made things harder for me to cope with. After nearly harming myself upon finding out because of my anger with myself for not visiting her on her last days, and not being able to cry until after the funeral, I decided it was time rise up and control what I could about my mental health. Starting by creating more, then working hard on my room by bagging the clothes in my room and setting a goal to wash 1 load per day.
Soon, we have to move out due to inability to afford anything in my hometown. And my ultimate goal is to live in a clean apartment and to pack things neatly by the time we have to. There are two ideas going around we are aiming foremost to move by September 2022. However there is a very very slight, not set-in-stone, barely a dusting idea that we may have to break lease and move sooner and if that is the case, I want my apartment to be in a flexible position where either could work and so I am working to clean, organize and try to pack at least one box per week and quicken the pace as the move draws nearer. So firstly, I have cleaned by bagging clothes and started my first load of laundry and tomorrow, I intend on throwing the trash away to make things more cleanly. Otherwise, I've continued/pressed on with my algebra 1 in attempts to finish as soon as possible, ever so slowly. However, at the moment, I am simply practicing speed-thru math solutions in my head. Which is also incredibly difficult. Honestly I am hoping things will improve with my capacity to do mental math. Wish me well on that. To bootI have also been working on my health and went to see my OB GYN, had my sleep study and now am going for a sleep doctor checkup tomorrow and will update y'all on that as well! At the moment, not much else to update on except that I am hoping to be blogging more often. and that I shall be livestreaming and podcasting very soon, mostly on twitch. Look out for me on there and check my tiktok more often, friends! And may fair winds follow you and the Author guide you!
Sorry, y'all for not writing much since my last post... It's been an entire year now, huh? Well, heyuu again ladies and gents! Anyhow, life began to settle down a tad, only to get confusing and chaotic again. We moved in around July 2015 and enjoyed the house lots... But then we realized the hard way that we couldn't afford it... So I have lots of news about that... and other things;
...Yet Again...
Well, after a year of living in this awesome house, we are moving out yet again.... But it's gonna be a wee bit different this time. My brother and I are being nudged out of the nest and having to move now. Well, that isn't unheard of; (haha!) after all, Aric's 26 and I am about to turn 23 in 2 weeks... This scared me a lot at first... But, now even though I have butterflies in my tummy, I at peace with this knowledge... and almost excited about it, too! I have to prove to my mother that I can handle living on my own without living in a group home. And to do that, I must keep my room clean, manage my dishes well, stretch my money as long as I can, and stretch my food throughout the month. I'm pretty confident that I can do this, but it is taking me a wee bit of time to do it. To many people, this is just their daily routine... For me, though, it is a struggle...
Within 9 Months...
Daddy made me aware that he is going to aim to change his name to either MacKenzie or MacMillan within 9 months. To add to that, he said he is adopting my brother and myself. After 17 years of waiting, I'm almost broke down on my own, cuz I was so filled with joy. I have been hoping for this for so long, so gimme a break! lolz!
Welp, I changed my style up a wee bit to Hippy Goth. Obviously it's a Christianized Version of it! Just trying to find myself. And I think I have :) I feel comfortable with my choice in style. Hopefully growing out my mullet so I can have long hair agree and I plan to dye my hair auburn red and black, in highlights! xD So far, though, I am hiding my mullet with hats, scarves, and hoodies. lolz!
Conclusion
I really do have more to update y'all on, but I am pressed for time and can only update this post when on the library pc's for the time being and I have to run to Celebrate Recovery here soon! If y'all ever want more consistent updates, go visit on my instagrams and tumblrs:
Hello to all my loverlies! Life has been a rough ride lately. I've been struggling with depression and not wanting to connect with humanity. I've been afraid to do as the Lord called me to do. I've also been so absorbed by the news lately. But, otherwise, I am about to turn 22 in 11 days and life is a blessing! I have been fairly consistent in my birthday countdown and listening to new music by bands/artists that follow me on instagram and twitter and writing plent of poems on wattpad:
Work and Insecurities
I will be hopefully working at the New Day Clubhouse with a slight possibility of living there too! I am excited to get more active in my adult life! It gives me some butterflies in my stomach, but it is a healthy nervousness... :) Though there are some good things in my life, been overcome by shame and fear over my actions and the insanity of the world. It makes it hard to trust my instincts and to trust God. Even though I say I trust and believe in His grace, I feel as though that is a mask rather than faith... For some strange reason, I trust Satan's lies more than God's truth... and that grieves me.
Birthday Time!
I took Gramma out to eat at Jason's Deli instead of Nose Dive and it was nice to get some time with her... She bought me water dancing speakers and a scarf:
I enjoy these a lot and I look forward to my birthday (and my Gramma's, Aunt's, Daddy's, and Cousin's) that is coming up! :D
Conclusion
Also, I started up a ligtformi instagram! Looking forward to getting onto that. I'll be writing several books soon, but I've come across some writer's block... which isn't fun! I've also taking upon myself the responsibility of mentoring a friend in the faith. I am finding that hard for me to do, but I feel it is God's hand guiding me in... but I admit that I maybe wrong... But, prayers in all of this would be appreciated! And I love ye all! Anyhoo peace out rock on and be good! bai bai!!!
As said in my LIGHTforMI post, I have been going through a lot of stuff. But, I've been pulling through it all with writing, spending time with Aneira and enjoying music! I've cleaned my bedroom after so long. And am beginning to cut my losses and learning that through prayer, I'll make it. And that prayer, in essence is a poem... So many of prayers are becoming poems soon to be songs. So these are the poems I've been working on lately, and I'm aiming to write a fictional story based on these poems;
The Ragamuffin Gospel [by Brennan Manning] and onto The Prodigal God [by Timothy Keller] and More...
Well, I finished the book, The Ragamuffin Gospel and I'm moving onto The Prodigal God. It was a wonderful, mind-altering book to read! I look forward to reading my next spiritual book! I am reading The Princess Spy by Melanie Dickerson and it is no disappointment, either! It's just as good as the others! Working on Momoru, still! Just as excited as before to finish my first story! Things are working out to be good!
Birthday Month A-Comin'!
July is fast approaching! I'm going to be 22! I am planning to go to Nose Dive on Main in Greenville with my Gramma to share our birthday meal! And from June 22nd-July 22nd I'll be hosting my Hobbit Birthday Party Themed writing challenge on my writing blog! I'm soo excited! My parents' anniversary is on the 3rd, for that I'm planning a surprise for 'em!
Oh! I Almost Forgot! The Highland Games [..and more...]!
The Highland Games was awesome! And I've been going off and doing many more activities [which you can look at on my instagram!] I have many other activities planned [like the Adult Summer Readin, which I've already begun!] cuz I'm trying to keep myself busy to keep my recovery going steady I've gotten 2 weeks and a day without cutting for which that I'm proud!
Conclusion
So... to finish this rant... I'm glad that I'm alive! Even with the rough seas! Being there for my sis in her own trials is nice! And my recovery from erotica reading is beginning to look like the duel between Hinata and Neji Hyuga in Naruto...
Ending me up like:
But still fighting...
Lately, I've been miserable:
But, I am thankful to my family and friends for standing by me through all this... :3
And knowing that God loves even me is strengthening me through all my trials and mess ups. REMINDER TO MYSELF: I AM HIS MASTERPIECE, HIS EMPIRE, HIS MOSAIC, HIS ARCHITECTURE!
And for that I can smile through tears... Peace out and rock on!
Well, today begins a homeschool covention in Greenville! So excited! I will definitely update you guys on that! Mum volunteered to help out tomorrow, so we're going for free! And in April, obviously there's Easter, we'll be doing what we normally do. Probably a Seder Meal, making our easter cookies, and decorating eggs! Then four days later, I'll be going up to Illinois to see my friends, Kindy, Mandie and Savvy! So excited 'bout that too! And with the highland games coming in May as well... I'm kinda overwhelmed by the excitement I have! hehe! xD Sooo... yeah!
The Ragamuffin Gospel [by Brennan Manning]
It's been difficult to put this book down, it's caught my heart just as much as the dailyaudiobible did in 2014. Through it, I see God differently, and as a companion to the bible readings, I have come to a new understanding of the grace and love of God. For so long, family, church friends, close friends and the not-so close friends, pastors and authors, singers, artists and theologians they said the same thing over and over and over. I didn't understand. It didn't pierce through immediately, it is being drilled it. But now it's been drilled in deeper through mental pictures, stories. It's being said differently. Not only said, but shown to my mind. Realizing how much God loves us all just through Creation... Holding the universe together, if He was not in any of this and He let go, we'd all fall apart and all of Creation with us. That's grace! The fact that it does rain, it does storm, that there is light and oxygen for us proclaims the grace of God. And it has been so fogged over for so long.
We tend to forget. We forget who we are in Christ. The very fact that He died the way He died, refusing anything that would dull the pain. He died the most humilating and excruciating death possible...and He took it all on full-force. He did not only suffer the physical agony, but also suffered the pain of betrayal. We, His creation, made in His Image...we betrayed Him and all He said was; "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." We forget the cost of our sins and the what price was given. We so easily become so numb to that fact. I am so drawn to this passion. So deeply in love with this God, this Man that sacrificed everything. I could stand here and talk about this all day and never grow tired of it, but I am so speechless about it by this point, now. All I can say is; Epic, radical, awesome is this God and this love He has for us
So, with the excitement and moving of the spirit, I just have become a basket case of joy. Realizing that I am not so far as I thought. And knowing that I can't save myself or anyone else has become a comfort. Knowing that my past doesn't define me and that I am only human, a sinner has become what helps me to have peace. Knowing that God loves and accepts me as I am, and wants to mend this little raggedy and messed up girl's spirit, mind and body, give her life that begins in the now and continues onto eternity it humbles and stills me. If only I would always believe and know this, but as a human, I will turn away often from where my Help lies and try other avenues, it's the curse of the sinners. Soon, I shall be whole. And I look forward to that day!
Conclusion
Kinda at a hold in my writing. And I forgot to mention something in the last blogpost... I have created a new blog on faith. Also, changed my username on watty again. And I updated LIGHTforMI about coping skills [finally! lol!] So, yeah! I'm a wee bit scatterbrained lately... I'mma vanish now and bid thee all a farewell, have an amazing day y'all! Peace out!
Well, hello again, folks! Been an interesting time since I last posted... I believe things are really improving since my visit with my therapist. 'T'was a difficult road, and it still will be, for a time. I've been spending time in Scripture and prayer, have aimed to apply what I have promised to my therapist, doctor and my parents. Hmm... Still in the process of leaving my past and my fears behind, where it should be. A difficult feat, but I truly aim for full recovery. God's grace goes before me, and though I don't always feel it, I know it is the truth. My projects are coming along, but I'm going to set a general schedule for my day tonight to improve the process of my recovery, homeschool and my projects.
Events (and Things I Look Forward To)
Mum's birthday is coming up (on February 5th)! I'm thinking about making her something with my talents, she'd treasure it more, even if it is a small and simple thing. Then, I am hoping to take my little sister to go to the Winter Jam 2015 the day after mum's bday! We're both looking forward to it! And then there's February 12th, I shall be going back to the library for the second Writing Show, hosted by the Hub City Writer's Project, about writing food in stories... This one was the one I was looking forward to most(that and the one about writing wars in story on May 14)! Red is coming out with their newest album on the 24th! I really want to have it, but I do not have the money to buy it just yet... So, February is busy, busy, and filled with things! And I've been setting plans for my trip in April... We're trying to see if we can visit IL, with our friend Kindy, instead of TX, and to go there from April 9th-16th then go to have a week or two with Savvy in IN... Just hoping I'll be able to afford this trip!
Conclusion
And so, with all that said, it's a wonder I've not lost my mind due to the heavy weight of promises, commitments, and responsibilities that I must bear due to all this good news and hopes that I have raised. It is a lil burdensome, however, it's very exciting and something I really take pleasure in doing! I just hope I don't completely lose it due to the stress... probably already have though :P So, uhm...hmmm.... *wonders if I should break the commitment to take that sabbatical from April to July* welp, peace out! Rock on! and...
Been one of those weeks... I fell behind in my commitments to keep doing my dailyaudiobible and the do the 40 days of prayer... But things are beginning to pick up as well. My daddy and I began working on how we react towards each other... which is wonderful!
I've been working on another sequel to "The Alchemist's Sanctuary" (prequel to "Faith in the Unknown") based on "So Far Away" by RED... Hoping to finish it very soon!
Also, I did an actual personality test...I got:
66% INFP
12% ENFP
6% INFJ
4% ENTP
4% ISFP
I saw sides of me in it that I didn't acknowledge before and it was very eye opening... 0.0.
INFP
Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.
ENFP
Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.
INFJ
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.
ENTP
Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.
ISFP
Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what's going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.
Anyway... Onto Other Things...
Homeshool's coming along... (pfft... YEAH RIGHT!) Beginning science lessons about light! :D ....sigh... I really wish I knew what to write... Been very depressed, have writer's block, and stuff really aren't going that well... so really, all I will say in this part is please be praying for me, my family, and my friend Savvy and Caroline... I am really overwhelmed now... I need to focus on what is here, now, in my family and my life... and I need to help my friend Savvy, cuz there I know I have the ability to aid... with Caroline, no...
Conclusion
Welp, since there ain't much to say... and I am wasting a whole bunch of time procrastinating.... I shall say why postpone til tomorrow whatcha can do TODAY? so peace out! Rock on! And....
[[PS lyrics come from "Give it Up" by Eleventyseven]]
EXTRA UPDATE!!!: Also, almost completely forgot about this; I will be aiming to grow my hair til it is 12inches WHILE CURLED until I can donate it! The next haircut I aim to get AFTERWARD is similar to this one:
Well 2014 has come and gone. And 2015 has dawned... 'Twas a good year, 'twas a hard year... I've grown closer to God during this time. When I finished December 31st's daily audio bible podcast and heard each thing closed down, I realized that I could not go on my days without it... So, though my church is no longer going through it, together, I am going to continue. I have come closer to the Lord because of that...
Now, I'm not going to make any New Years' Resolutions, except this; I am going to submit my will to God's will. I want the attitude of honestly saying to God, "YOUR kingdom come, YOUR will be done." I had to go through a beating, I had to be broken hard, I had to actually be at death's door to realize that I cannot live a day without Him. To know that He has always been there for me, even when my eyes are closed to that truth... So, now, I am going to go where He leads and do as His hand guides me to do.
Projects...
So I had an Advent Project that I did in the days coming up to Christmas. I also had plans for other projects, one that I never got through with, one I just started up and one I just finished.... I didn't do the 12-Days of Christmas project that I promised, but I completed The Promised Rainbow (originally Rainbow Slices). It will be going through revisions and editing as I make illustrations to accompany each poem. I'm hoping to self-publish this for LIGHT for MI. The other project I am doing now is building the world of my novel, Aurdeum. I'm using resources such as the SFWA Fantasy World Builder, YWP NaNoWriMo, and reading short stories as a model for my story. So, I've got my hands full! I intend to be working on my novel for the next couple of years... just hoping to self-publish that as well. And lately, I've been sitting around, making graphics to express what I am feel at that very moment... It has been very fun doing digital art... It's been very therapeutic :) Also, I have created a new template on this blog, as you can see... Let me know whatcha think!
Sabbatical/Trip
Well, now it's reached to this... On April 1st - July 1st I am attempting a 3-month sabbatical from the internet to focus on my projects more in depth, on my growth in God, on finishing my homeschool, and to reflect on my life and aim to change some really bad habits. Also, in April, I'll be leaving South Carolina to see my dearly beloved sister, Savannah and her family, in Indiana! Then I'll be leaving for Texas, to see my amazing friend, Mandie! Hoping to be away from home for 3 and a half weeks... When I come back home, I'll be planning outings with friends, and maybe even meet some new people in a writing group I'm starting back up, again!
Conclusion
So, there we have it! I have some plans with my life, I'm hoping that I'll go through with it... Wish me well with it! I pray that God will bless you with peace and until next time... Peace out and rock on!
Be at peace with yesterday, be wise with today, and be secure with tomorrow!Arianna Joy Schaffer (Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith ☧) Authoress - Artist - Musician - Minister in LIGHT for MI
MINI-UPDATE ON THE GAMES!: This is my second time whupping a man's arse in a duel! The third time,
this particular guy beat me... but we were a tie! he actually had a
challenge with me!
Leaving all chat use. With no intentions of coming back anytime soon... I'm also quitting writing for a while... I might start it up again... but for now... back to being that closet internet user that nobody will know.
“If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself
knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get
up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good.”
~Thomas J.
Watson Jr.~
Whoa... I started this post in March! A lot has happened since then... what used to be telling you about cleaning my room, switching wattpad and facebook accounts has turned into MOVING TO ANOTHER HOUSE!!!! I am struggling to keep up with several projects at one time...packing, organizing, writing for 2 challenges(had to drop one though) and a novel to boot! I have a new Wattpad account that I named this blog after:
Also, I'm bringing my ministry back up! I have been scared, however.... What with my Gramma throwing up blood a couple of weeks ago... the Boston bombs.... and an irrational fear of Truth....I know I need to "put on my big-girl pants" (as a very firm friend has been constantly telling me) and do what's right because sitting on the fence is becoming too cowardly.... I have been falling away from the Word.... and I have been too scared to reach out for God.... I know of all things I could be doing....internet isn't the best thing for me.... but I don't want to get out.... Prayer would be much appreciated....
I'm at a standstill with my Scripture, homeschool, and guitar, (the solutions I've come up with are getting back into the word homeschool co-ops, and getting back into guitar...) Writing's a great struggle...I'm beginning to wonder if I'm made for this at all.... Beads are just non-existent....but I am collecting bottles....how great, huh?
Well, today I am postponing my writing on TWA.... and I'm packin' up to go (hopefully) to a long term leave...I'm going to the hospital and would like you guys to keep an eye out for updates from Mum.....Be prayin' for me! <3333 Love yeh guys!
