Her passion and imagination was so vast and so wild, it came curling from the top of her head
~M.J. FAHEL MCKIMZEY |
I'm a brave ragamuffin princess raised in SC! Bookdragon, Blogger, Vlogger Scriptsmith, Artisan ,&; Bard for Christ.
All I really have to do now, though, is unpack and settle in. I set up the Xbox 360 (and updated it), set up the wi-fi, and a Netflix account that we all are pitching in for. Each us providing no more than $2.66 each.
20 days 'til I'm halfway there
Like I said above I'll be hitting my half-year mark in 20 days! Which, to me, is a huge accomplishment!
Urge level (0 =none at all 5 =highest it has been yet): 0
Self harm: 160 days clean
1 MONTH (30 DAYS) MARK HIT 09/27/2017 ☑️
2 MONTH (60 DAYS) MARK HIT 10/27/2017 ☑️
3 MONTH (90 DAYS) MARK HIT 11/27/2017 ☑️
4 MONTH (120 DAYS) MARK HIT 12/27/2017 ☑️
5 MONTH (150 DAYS) MARK HIT 01/27/2018 ☑️
6 MONTH (180 DAYS) MARK HIT 02/27/2018
7 MONTH (210 DAYS) MARK HIT 03/29/2018
8 MONTH (240 DAYS) MARK HIT 04/28/2018
9 MONTH MARK HIT (270) 05/28/2018
10 MONTH (300 DAYS) MARK HIT 06/27/2018
11 MONTH (330 DAYS) MARK HIT 07/27/2018
12 MONTH (360 DAYS) MARK HIT 08/28/2018
1 YEAR (365 DAYS) MARK HIT 09/03/2018
TIME CLEAN BEFORE MY LAST RELAPSE: 28 days
LONGEST CLEAN: 1 year 7 months 2 weeks and 2 days clean
Conclusion
Welp, I unpacked the kitchen today and helped in other ways. and I plan to start unpacking my bedroom tomorrow and getting maintenance over to get some things fixed in the apartment. Otherwise, just been chilling and enjoying my time with 5 mammals instead of 9 lolz! Peacin' on out mon! Good day to ye all!
Well I know it's way late for my New Years' post.... but HELLUU 2018!!! 2017 was a hell of a year... and when I say that... it isn't positive. Whew.... Since it's completely behind me, and it is no longer news.... I am willing to open up about a few harsh points of 2017 that I didn't say for a longer time....
Arrested
Yes, you read that right... I was arrested. Phewy... I did something I truly regret and shoplifted. Was taken to jail and endured a week there, and from then on, I resolved to never do that again. But the full year was spent doing PTI and working to clear my name. From December-January 15th I crunched in a lot of hours for community service, plus yesterday I did my last step and did my drug test.... And now it's all behind me.
Review of 2017...
God has been there for us in ways I can't describe... But now that 2017 is over, I can't help but be glad.... You all know that I was kicked out of Merge in January 2017, you all know that through my depression during the past few months, I was cut off by Eli, and my shame from being arrested and the shame from Merge weighed me down considerably and I needed extra help from friends but was unable to get it... Eli couldn't take it. And soon afterward, I would have lost Savannah too, for being unable to give her the help she needed, which she thought was selfishness... but it was just being too weak and burdened with my family, the work and shame of jail, and other important issues that went on and that's what ended the friendship.
I understand that her baby had died and she was fighting with her own legal stuff with her living children and trying to bring them back home.... but that isn't a reason to accuse her best and closest friend of selfishness when she also is weak from her own fight. Anyhow, my father and I have had a horrid time at it, thus we have worked to get me out of the house, with my roommate, Suzanne (who returned after a bad situation in South Africa, which I'm glad for). Well, now, after his own abuse, and fight mental and spiritual war, Aric will, too, be my roommate. Which helps all three of us at once (not to mention, my mum, daddy, and Aneira will finally have the place to themselves with our new cat, Sebastian)
Cats, kittens, and no more please!
First off, lemme tell ye I absolutely love cats. And they will always be my favorite pets. But, there's gotta be a line. I'm turning into my Aunt Julie! lolz! So, first of all Suzanne and I were outdoors, hanging out in the screened-in porch... and we heard a meow. Turning around, I saw this cute little black and white kitten (perhaps a few months old) right through the screen who was crying for help. Mind you, by this time it's winter and this poor baby was completely abandoned. I opened the screen door and he ran around the porch to the door and leapt in my arms as if I were his mama. And started kneading muffins on my chest. Later, we were preparing to take him to the humane society but it was night and Friday, which meant we'd have to wait for two days... by the time it was time to take him though, he melted the entire family's heart and stayed. Beorn and Kaitra didn't like it very much, but such is life.
Within weeks, though Beorn passed away. Breaking the heart of everyone in the house.... It was quick and out of nowhere. He collapsed and we had to rush him to the vet, but were too late. (RIP 11/16/2017 </3 :'( ) Sebastian (our new kitty) helped fill the void, left behind by Beorn which was a wonderful thing we were given by God's mercies. Something we didn't have when Galadrial had to be put down....
Later, however, Suzanne and I were, again, hanging out on the screened-in porch and we heard a loud meow and cry. This time, it came from clear across the street and way into a school's ground. We ran over there and there was a small ginger kitten, barely old enough to be separated from his mother (5 weeks maybe). I called daddy and we prepared to take him to the humane society... but something else came up.... it happened to be December 23rd... and nighttime, so we'd have to wait three days... but this time he melted up Suzanne's heart and now he's coming with us. Which is very good for both of them. I haven't seen her so happy in a long time <3
Place Found, Date Chosen
So now, we found a great refurbished 3-bedroom apartment for $1100. And the things that come with living there are awesome! (A fitness center, bark park, walking trail, on-site managment, car care center, pool, courtyard, on-site maintenance, fire pit, laundry facilities, outdoor kitchen recycling, bbq/picnic area, bike racks, playground, business center, and clubhouse.)
We also are gonna move there Feb. 3rd! So nine more days until my new life and freedom! I also think once I finish moving in there, I will finish up my last subject in homeschool.... That is my Algebra 1. So, soon I truly WILL get a new page. And I will work to keep it that way!
Conclusion
With all that said, I'd like to request that y'all go visit LIGHTforMI's Instagram to see daily updates to my life. It's gonna be a great time, I believe!
Sorry, y'all for not writing much since my last post... It's been an entire year now, huh? Well, heyuu again ladies and gents! Anyhow, life began to settle down a tad, only to get confusing and chaotic again. We moved in around July 2015 and enjoyed the house lots... But then we realized the hard way that we couldn't afford it... So I have lots of news about that... and other things;
...Yet Again...
Well, after a year of living in this awesome house, we are moving out yet again.... But it's gonna be a wee bit different this time. My brother and I are being nudged out of the nest and having to move now. Well, that isn't unheard of; (haha!) after all, Aric's 26 and I am about to turn 23 in 2 weeks... This scared me a lot at first... But, now even though I have butterflies in my tummy, I at peace with this knowledge... and almost excited about it, too! I have to prove to my mother that I can handle living on my own without living in a group home. And to do that, I must keep my room clean, manage my dishes well, stretch my money as long as I can, and stretch my food throughout the month. I'm pretty confident that I can do this, but it is taking me a wee bit of time to do it. To many people, this is just their daily routine... For me, though, it is a struggle...
Within 9 Months...
Daddy made me aware that he is going to aim to change his name to either MacKenzie or MacMillan within 9 months. To add to that, he said he is adopting my brother and myself. After 17 years of waiting, I'm almost broke down on my own, cuz I was so filled with joy. I have been hoping for this for so long, so gimme a break! lolz!
Welp, I changed my style up a wee bit to Hippy Goth. Obviously it's a Christianized Version of it! Just trying to find myself. And I think I have :) I feel comfortable with my choice in style. Hopefully growing out my mullet so I can have long hair agree and I plan to dye my hair auburn red and black, in highlights! xD So far, though, I am hiding my mullet with hats, scarves, and hoodies. lolz!
Conclusion
I really do have more to update y'all on, but I am pressed for time and can only update this post when on the library pc's for the time being and I have to run to Celebrate Recovery here soon! If y'all ever want more consistent updates, go visit on my instagrams and tumblrs:
Hey guys, things are tight and overwhelming, but I believe things are under control. God has us and though things are rough and stressful I know God won't let us go...
Emergency Move!
Wow... things escalated quickly since my last blogpost. We will be moving August 4th. We have to be packed and completely out by then because there is toxic mold in my bedroom and our lease is up in August... God provided some good options, but I often wonder how we're gonna pull this off. I'm going through my things and trashing ruined things and cleaning up mold from my things before packing them and typing up my hard copies of my writing and then trashing them... I am so overwhelmed! But, I am trying to be optimistic and positive and more importantly trust in God through it all...
EDIT: God provided a house, money for the down payment, free boxes from various stores, and a place to get reasonably priced packing tape. If he could provide for all that I am quite convinced that he is gonna pull through with the time to pack up and move there. And here I was doubting and afraid that we might not get through this... It was pretty quick that these things took place.
Conclusion
I won't be posting as much due to these turn of events but, I will try to blog asap! So, prayers, brothers and sisters in Christ, would be very much appreciated... God bless y'all! A buh-bye!
Hello to all my loverlies! Life has been a rough ride lately. I've been struggling with depression and not wanting to connect with humanity. I've been afraid to do as the Lord called me to do. I've also been so absorbed by the news lately. But, otherwise, I am about to turn 22 in 11 days and life is a blessing! I have been fairly consistent in my birthday countdown and listening to new music by bands/artists that follow me on instagram and twitter and writing plent of poems on wattpad:
Work and Insecurities
I will be hopefully working at the New Day Clubhouse with a slight possibility of living there too! I am excited to get more active in my adult life! It gives me some butterflies in my stomach, but it is a healthy nervousness... :) Though there are some good things in my life, been overcome by shame and fear over my actions and the insanity of the world. It makes it hard to trust my instincts and to trust God. Even though I say I trust and believe in His grace, I feel as though that is a mask rather than faith... For some strange reason, I trust Satan's lies more than God's truth... and that grieves me.
Birthday Time!
I took Gramma out to eat at Jason's Deli instead of Nose Dive and it was nice to get some time with her... She bought me water dancing speakers and a scarf:
I enjoy these a lot and I look forward to my birthday (and my Gramma's, Aunt's, Daddy's, and Cousin's) that is coming up! :D
Conclusion
Also, I started up a ligtformi instagram! Looking forward to getting onto that. I'll be writing several books soon, but I've come across some writer's block... which isn't fun! I've also taking upon myself the responsibility of mentoring a friend in the faith. I am finding that hard for me to do, but I feel it is God's hand guiding me in... but I admit that I maybe wrong... But, prayers in all of this would be appreciated! And I love ye all! Anyhoo peace out rock on and be good! bai bai!!!
As said in my LIGHTforMI post, I have been going through a lot of stuff. But, I've been pulling through it all with writing, spending time with Aneira and enjoying music! I've cleaned my bedroom after so long. And am beginning to cut my losses and learning that through prayer, I'll make it. And that prayer, in essence is a poem... So many of prayers are becoming poems soon to be songs. So these are the poems I've been working on lately, and I'm aiming to write a fictional story based on these poems;
The Ragamuffin Gospel [by Brennan Manning] and onto The Prodigal God [by Timothy Keller] and More...
Well, I finished the book, The Ragamuffin Gospel and I'm moving onto The Prodigal God. It was a wonderful, mind-altering book to read! I look forward to reading my next spiritual book! I am reading The Princess Spy by Melanie Dickerson and it is no disappointment, either! It's just as good as the others! Working on Momoru, still! Just as excited as before to finish my first story! Things are working out to be good!
Birthday Month A-Comin'!
July is fast approaching! I'm going to be 22! I am planning to go to Nose Dive on Main in Greenville with my Gramma to share our birthday meal! And from June 22nd-July 22nd I'll be hosting my Hobbit Birthday Party Themed writing challenge on my writing blog! I'm soo excited! My parents' anniversary is on the 3rd, for that I'm planning a surprise for 'em!
Oh! I Almost Forgot! The Highland Games [..and more...]!
The Highland Games was awesome! And I've been going off and doing many more activities [which you can look at on my instagram!] I have many other activities planned [like the Adult Summer Readin, which I've already begun!] cuz I'm trying to keep myself busy to keep my recovery going steady I've gotten 2 weeks and a day without cutting for which that I'm proud!
Conclusion
So... to finish this rant... I'm glad that I'm alive! Even with the rough seas! Being there for my sis in her own trials is nice! And my recovery from erotica reading is beginning to look like the duel between Hinata and Neji Hyuga in Naruto...
Ending me up like:
But still fighting...
Lately, I've been miserable:
But, I am thankful to my family and friends for standing by me through all this... :3
And knowing that God loves even me is strengthening me through all my trials and mess ups. REMINDER TO MYSELF: I AM HIS MASTERPIECE, HIS EMPIRE, HIS MOSAIC, HIS ARCHITECTURE!
And for that I can smile through tears... Peace out and rock on!
Well, today begins a homeschool covention in Greenville! So excited! I will definitely update you guys on that! Mum volunteered to help out tomorrow, so we're going for free! And in April, obviously there's Easter, we'll be doing what we normally do. Probably a Seder Meal, making our easter cookies, and decorating eggs! Then four days later, I'll be going up to Illinois to see my friends, Kindy, Mandie and Savvy! So excited 'bout that too! And with the highland games coming in May as well... I'm kinda overwhelmed by the excitement I have! hehe! xD Sooo... yeah!
The Ragamuffin Gospel [by Brennan Manning]
It's been difficult to put this book down, it's caught my heart just as much as the dailyaudiobible did in 2014. Through it, I see God differently, and as a companion to the bible readings, I have come to a new understanding of the grace and love of God. For so long, family, church friends, close friends and the not-so close friends, pastors and authors, singers, artists and theologians they said the same thing over and over and over. I didn't understand. It didn't pierce through immediately, it is being drilled it. But now it's been drilled in deeper through mental pictures, stories. It's being said differently. Not only said, but shown to my mind. Realizing how much God loves us all just through Creation... Holding the universe together, if He was not in any of this and He let go, we'd all fall apart and all of Creation with us. That's grace! The fact that it does rain, it does storm, that there is light and oxygen for us proclaims the grace of God. And it has been so fogged over for so long.
We tend to forget. We forget who we are in Christ. The very fact that He died the way He died, refusing anything that would dull the pain. He died the most humilating and excruciating death possible...and He took it all on full-force. He did not only suffer the physical agony, but also suffered the pain of betrayal. We, His creation, made in His Image...we betrayed Him and all He said was; "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." We forget the cost of our sins and the what price was given. We so easily become so numb to that fact. I am so drawn to this passion. So deeply in love with this God, this Man that sacrificed everything. I could stand here and talk about this all day and never grow tired of it, but I am so speechless about it by this point, now. All I can say is; Epic, radical, awesome is this God and this love He has for us
So, with the excitement and moving of the spirit, I just have become a basket case of joy. Realizing that I am not so far as I thought. And knowing that I can't save myself or anyone else has become a comfort. Knowing that my past doesn't define me and that I am only human, a sinner has become what helps me to have peace. Knowing that God loves and accepts me as I am, and wants to mend this little raggedy and messed up girl's spirit, mind and body, give her life that begins in the now and continues onto eternity it humbles and stills me. If only I would always believe and know this, but as a human, I will turn away often from where my Help lies and try other avenues, it's the curse of the sinners. Soon, I shall be whole. And I look forward to that day!
Conclusion
Kinda at a hold in my writing. And I forgot to mention something in the last blogpost... I have created a new blog on faith. Also, changed my username on watty again. And I updated LIGHTforMI about coping skills [finally! lol!] So, yeah! I'm a wee bit scatterbrained lately... I'mma vanish now and bid thee all a farewell, have an amazing day y'all! Peace out!
Well, I have been away of late for a while, eh? Well, I don't really have an excuse for it, but I do have a reason... Been depressed for a bit. I allowed my past to kinda control my decisions. But I'm rising up again now.
A Ragamuffin Saint
So, lately it has been a difficult time, been feeling as though I am rotting away. It's weird, but I have pulled the response of the Israelites wishing they had died in Egypt or remained slaves... Whine, whine, whine, grumble and complain... I am certain that I very often make God as sickened from my dizzying mood swings and waywardness as much as I am certain I sicken myself, my family and friends...Sometimes I wonder very often if I am too much of a handful for my family and friends... I am certain that I am too much of a handful for myself... but I am just glad I am not too much for God!
God certainly hasn't given up on me, and for that I am very grateful. He's constantly calling out for me. Through the things I read, watch, write, and listen to. So I will not give up on myself anymore... Starting to pick back up the pieces of my shattered hopes and dreams and give them up to God once more... I now know that in believing in Christ's love, mercy and grace, that it isn't like how I thought it was... I don't say, "Jesus, come into my heart. Amen." and then suddenly have a holy upward spiral of success in the faith... It's not about having faith in Christ then you are magically and completely converted that moment and no longer have struggles with the same darned sin... It's about having faith in Christ and the continuous transformation and growth in faith. Being framed and reframed and reframed again until we come to Heaven. When we die and go up into paradise, that's when we our transformation will completed. As long as we breathe in this world, we will always be growing, we never stop!
Stuff that is happening....
I've been writing a lot lately... Of Love and Courage is somewhat popular amongst my fans and followers on Wattpad... I dunno if it really is that great, but many folks think it is... So, here you can be the judge of it.
I've also decided to be selling my service as a digital artist on fiverr! I'm hoping it will be a success... Today, I just started listening to Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning! It is good so far from what I have heard. It has a radical and earth-shattering message in it. So far, I'd say it is a good read and suggest it to others!
Conclusion
I'm trying to figure things out in my faith. Still trying to know where I stand. According to my parents, I will be trying to do this for a while... I am in the process of taking my faith as my own, still and so I am testing the waters. Prayers during this time, my brothers and sisters in Christ, would be much needed and appreciated... So, I'mma leave you with this question [one I will be pondering myself as well...] Do you believe that Jesus loves you? I mean really truly unconditionally... Do you live your life as if Jesus loves you no matter what you do, how you feel, where you're at etc.? Think on that and God bless you all;
Well, hello again, folks! Been an interesting time since I last posted... I believe things are really improving since my visit with my therapist. 'T'was a difficult road, and it still will be, for a time. I've been spending time in Scripture and prayer, have aimed to apply what I have promised to my therapist, doctor and my parents. Hmm... Still in the process of leaving my past and my fears behind, where it should be. A difficult feat, but I truly aim for full recovery. God's grace goes before me, and though I don't always feel it, I know it is the truth. My projects are coming along, but I'm going to set a general schedule for my day tonight to improve the process of my recovery, homeschool and my projects.
Events (and Things I Look Forward To)
Mum's birthday is coming up (on February 5th)! I'm thinking about making her something with my talents, she'd treasure it more, even if it is a small and simple thing. Then, I am hoping to take my little sister to go to the Winter Jam 2015 the day after mum's bday! We're both looking forward to it! And then there's February 12th, I shall be going back to the library for the second Writing Show, hosted by the Hub City Writer's Project, about writing food in stories... This one was the one I was looking forward to most(that and the one about writing wars in story on May 14)! Red is coming out with their newest album on the 24th! I really want to have it, but I do not have the money to buy it just yet... So, February is busy, busy, and filled with things! And I've been setting plans for my trip in April... We're trying to see if we can visit IL, with our friend Kindy, instead of TX, and to go there from April 9th-16th then go to have a week or two with Savvy in IN... Just hoping I'll be able to afford this trip!
Conclusion
And so, with all that said, it's a wonder I've not lost my mind due to the heavy weight of promises, commitments, and responsibilities that I must bear due to all this good news and hopes that I have raised. It is a lil burdensome, however, it's very exciting and something I really take pleasure in doing! I just hope I don't completely lose it due to the stress... probably already have though :P So, uhm...hmmm.... *wonders if I should break the commitment to take that sabbatical from April to July* welp, peace out! Rock on! and...
Been one of those weeks... I fell behind in my commitments to keep doing my dailyaudiobible and the do the 40 days of prayer... But things are beginning to pick up as well. My daddy and I began working on how we react towards each other... which is wonderful!
I've been working on another sequel to "The Alchemist's Sanctuary" (prequel to "Faith in the Unknown") based on "So Far Away" by RED... Hoping to finish it very soon!
Also, I did an actual personality test...I got:
66% INFP
12% ENFP
6% INFJ
4% ENTP
4% ISFP
I saw sides of me in it that I didn't acknowledge before and it was very eye opening... 0.0.
INFP
Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.
ENFP
Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.
INFJ
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.
ENTP
Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.
ISFP
Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what's going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.
Anyway... Onto Other Things...
Homeshool's coming along... (pfft... YEAH RIGHT!) Beginning science lessons about light! :D ....sigh... I really wish I knew what to write... Been very depressed, have writer's block, and stuff really aren't going that well... so really, all I will say in this part is please be praying for me, my family, and my friend Savvy and Caroline... I am really overwhelmed now... I need to focus on what is here, now, in my family and my life... and I need to help my friend Savvy, cuz there I know I have the ability to aid... with Caroline, no...
Conclusion
Welp, since there ain't much to say... and I am wasting a whole bunch of time procrastinating.... I shall say why postpone til tomorrow whatcha can do TODAY? so peace out! Rock on! And....
[[PS lyrics come from "Give it Up" by Eleventyseven]]
EXTRA UPDATE!!!: Also, almost completely forgot about this; I will be aiming to grow my hair til it is 12inches WHILE CURLED until I can donate it! The next haircut I aim to get AFTERWARD is similar to this one:
This month, I am beginning some challenges, small groups, and I started my first visit into 2015's Writing Show hosted in my library... I would really love to invite you all to join a challenge in particular with me, however...
I know, we, as humanity have such a hard time with prayer. We somehow think we must be official and have the greatest vocabulary to discuss matters with God, as if that will impress him... Or we bring God this looooooong wishlist as if He's Santa Claus... So, Max Lucado in this devotional is making it simple for us... 4 minutes everyday for 4 weeks, praying.
Click the photo and it should send you to where you can buy this!
In my last post, I mentioned dailyaudiobible, it's not too late if you want to join the community in listening to the bible in a year, it never is anyway... I'd suggest you pick up from the day you get on and keep going... It'll change your life, I assure you of that! You will not come out of it the same...
And from January 20th - March 24th my church's women's group will be doing a study in Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, which I shall be a participant in. I'm looking quite forward to this women' small group!
Tomorrow, mum will be starting her first semester in Liberty University. And with her having a fulltime 8am-4pm job, being a homeschool mother, the lay ministries coordinator and helper at the youth group at our church, and designing a commission website, she'll be busy... Be praying for her, my brothers and sisters in Christ, please... She's kinda concerned over this...
I've been stuck on writing journal entries and poetry, lately. Also, have been publishing them on my wattypad... I'm trying to assess myself and I feel as though God is calling me to find my all in Him. I am doing this because of these promptings:
Everybody's saying I'm beautiful... I acknowledge that I look pretty, beautiful even... but I look deeper than the outward appearance in all people, including myself... So, when I look into the mirror, into my eyes, all I see is fear. Always fear. As if there's a huge screen inside my eyes and it's just permanent... Then I look at the qualities of what I actually DO in my fear... I lie to, betray, manipulate not only everyone else, but myself... I can never go beyond that point. If I am fearfully and wonderfully made and God sees something precious when He looks on me, and I am the apple of His eye. If all that is true, then how can I see past my fear to see myself as He sees me? I don't want to say that I don't feel fearfully and wonderfully made, because feelings are so very deceptive. In fact, I'm just skipping that argument altogether and going straight to this question; how can I see myself the way God sees me?
Then there is trust. I have such a difficult time trusting anyone as of late... but I am not going to start by learning to trust humanity... I want to start by learning to trust in God. If any of you guys have read my journal entry, The Doctor Knows Best... you might notice in it I talk about trusting that the Healer knows what He's actually saying when He says "no". It isn't to take the good things away, but in His loving wisdom He knows we are ill, and He wants us to be well. Because He is God, and we are not God. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do(the link is on the title). I really want to work on this.. Because, I want to so depend on Him so that I can have the courage to take that leap of faith and know wherever this goes, He will be there.
Then there is the extent of our sinfulness and the extent of the pain that Christ had to go through in this life to save the lost... And WHY we believe. And WHY He had to die for the sins... And the pain of the crucifixion... because, we, in the Western World, especially cannot comprehend the road to the cross and how determined Christ HAD to be to keep going... Look guys, it wasn't oh, hop in a car or plane and be there within 2 hours... No, it was much further and longer than that, and He knew where He was going. He knew He'd die the most humiliating and excruciating death known to mankind... then, deeper into it, He knew He'd have to face the agony of being forsaken by His Father, who He was one with from the very beginning! I want to learn the way of the cross...
And if I learn this and grow in this, I know and believe that I will learn how to walk as a woman of faith... I am willing to let go of whatever will hinder my growth in faith. Relationships, hobbies, desires, mindsets, whatever I have, the Lord has full access to it...
So, all of that together in one sentence; There's gonna be a [RADICAL and EPIC] change!
[Quote is from this song below...]
Soooooo, that's that...God bless you all.
May fair winds follow you and the Author guide you.
Well 2014 has come and gone. And 2015 has dawned... 'Twas a good year, 'twas a hard year... I've grown closer to God during this time. When I finished December 31st's daily audio bible podcast and heard each thing closed down, I realized that I could not go on my days without it... So, though my church is no longer going through it, together, I am going to continue. I have come closer to the Lord because of that...
Now, I'm not going to make any New Years' Resolutions, except this; I am going to submit my will to God's will. I want the attitude of honestly saying to God, "YOUR kingdom come, YOUR will be done." I had to go through a beating, I had to be broken hard, I had to actually be at death's door to realize that I cannot live a day without Him. To know that He has always been there for me, even when my eyes are closed to that truth... So, now, I am going to go where He leads and do as His hand guides me to do.
Projects...
So I had an Advent Project that I did in the days coming up to Christmas. I also had plans for other projects, one that I never got through with, one I just started up and one I just finished.... I didn't do the 12-Days of Christmas project that I promised, but I completed The Promised Rainbow (originally Rainbow Slices). It will be going through revisions and editing as I make illustrations to accompany each poem. I'm hoping to self-publish this for LIGHT for MI. The other project I am doing now is building the world of my novel, Aurdeum. I'm using resources such as the SFWA Fantasy World Builder, YWP NaNoWriMo, and reading short stories as a model for my story. So, I've got my hands full! I intend to be working on my novel for the next couple of years... just hoping to self-publish that as well. And lately, I've been sitting around, making graphics to express what I am feel at that very moment... It has been very fun doing digital art... It's been very therapeutic :) Also, I have created a new template on this blog, as you can see... Let me know whatcha think!
Sabbatical/Trip
Well, now it's reached to this... On April 1st - July 1st I am attempting a 3-month sabbatical from the internet to focus on my projects more in depth, on my growth in God, on finishing my homeschool, and to reflect on my life and aim to change some really bad habits. Also, in April, I'll be leaving South Carolina to see my dearly beloved sister, Savannah and her family, in Indiana! Then I'll be leaving for Texas, to see my amazing friend, Mandie! Hoping to be away from home for 3 and a half weeks... When I come back home, I'll be planning outings with friends, and maybe even meet some new people in a writing group I'm starting back up, again!
Conclusion
So, there we have it! I have some plans with my life, I'm hoping that I'll go through with it... Wish me well with it! I pray that God will bless you with peace and until next time... Peace out and rock on!
Be at peace with yesterday, be wise with today, and be secure with tomorrow!Arianna Joy Schaffer (Arianna Persephone Scriptsmith ☧) Authoress - Artist - Musician - Minister in LIGHT for MI
A very fruitful church service... and Sunday school was insightful
too... :) in Sunday school we covered visions, and the difference
between them and dreams... We learned that the place between waking and
sleeping is where we are open most to God's voice. The sermon was on
Luke 21:5-19 and this stood out to me:
-cults are attractive
-these thing _must_ happen, but there is no need to be terrified.
-stress & fear can make us forget Jesus' assuring promise.
-persecution
of believers have escalate... since the year, 2000 there have been more
than a million believers martyred or persecuted
-do not fear do not hate, God _will_ give us words of truth...
-like a child who awaits Christmas, we are to look forward to what is to come...
-we are not wishing our lives away by exciting over Heaven... we are longing for the life ahead.
then we had a pop sermon from our worship pastor, Nowell, who aimed to convict us to give thanks to God... it was amazing...
Plenty
of topics I struggled with, this week were resolved... and I felt that
my relationship with God was right, and so, I went for the weekly
communion, with a light heart... Went into intercessory prayer... and
confessed my pride and asked for prayer for the strength to overcome...
was anointed with oil... and was able to sing and be filled with joy...
And
what with all my sweet girls throwing arms on me and complimenting me
on my hair and sweater, I left with a more lifted spirit. Many
compliments for my insight as well... And folks' adoration of the cute
kitty, birdhouse, and pine tree sweater, and many laughs about heavy
bags for sleepovers, and how it compared to the weight of our friend,
Sam's bass guitar... and my, little moose, Rachel playful, aiming to
"maime me" with the case... and not to mention my dear "adopted"
brother-like cousin guy's cuteness as he gave me his email and I sent
The Alchemist's Sanctuary... then visiting Gramma and seeing my adoptive
Grandmother and then coming home... and meeting a very nice family,
there whom Aneira played with...I can honestly say I'm feeling quite
good about life...
Let's not forget that GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME! AND ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD!
I am very blessed, even though I have been struggling... leaving the
past where it belongs...in the past... and living in the today, and
longing for the future!
Peace out and rock on!
Miss "Red Mystery Halo" Arianna Scriptsmith
(oh!
got a new nickname, from my moose, Rachel...you can mostly see brown in
my hair, but when the light casts on it... it makes this mystery
halo-ish glow... :3)
Summer 2013 has been the most eventful of times for this year--and any year..... What began as a hopeless desperate start of the year has sprung into a beautifully blossoming active middle of the year... I began with trying to actually finish a story and then began sketching. Then all of a sudden, I was thrust back into a ministry I was a part of from January 2011 to February 2012 and just started back up again. Please look at my updated blogs, on the link below;
"May you have the hindsight to know where you've been the foresight to know where you're going and the insight to know when you're going too far." --Irish Blessing
