Her passion and imagination was so vast and so wild, it came curling from the top of her head
~M.J. FAHEL MCKIMZEY |
I'm a brave ragamuffin princess raised in SC! Bookdragon, Blogger, Vlogger Scriptsmith, Artisan ,&; Bard for Christ.
So the past few days, I have been incredibly productive. With my mental health sorta going really down after some incredibly unfortunate circumstances, I finally "snapped" and started on writing, a little bit every day in 4thewords.com, cleaning up my room, creating emojis for discord, and trying new games on steam. My goal is to get back into the swing of things with my creative pursuits, my ministries, and in my day-to-day life. I am also hoping to get back into community with others even if it is online so that I am more expanded and no longer focused on Tyvek and one discord server. I finally decided to cut Facebook out as I lost my temper and the camel broke its back after yet another case of toxic behaviour from a "friend" when I was coping with a harmless post during the time that my mother was in the ER, getting an intestinal surgery. After finally cutting it out save for messenger, I feel oh so much more healthier and calm. Shortly after my mum getting her surgery, my family friend, Marge died at 92 which truly made things harder for me to cope with. After nearly harming myself upon finding out because of my anger with myself for not visiting her on her last days, and not being able to cry until after the funeral, I decided it was time rise up and control what I could about my mental health. Starting by creating more, then working hard on my room by bagging the clothes in my room and setting a goal to wash 1 load per day.
Soon, we have to move out due to inability to afford anything in my hometown. And my ultimate goal is to live in a clean apartment and to pack things neatly by the time we have to. There are two ideas going around we are aiming foremost to move by September 2022. However there is a very very slight, not set-in-stone, barely a dusting idea that we may have to break lease and move sooner and if that is the case, I want my apartment to be in a flexible position where either could work and so I am working to clean, organize and try to pack at least one box per week and quicken the pace as the move draws nearer. So firstly, I have cleaned by bagging clothes and started my first load of laundry and tomorrow, I intend on throwing the trash away to make things more cleanly. Otherwise, I've continued/pressed on with my algebra 1 in attempts to finish as soon as possible, ever so slowly. However, at the moment, I am simply practicing speed-thru math solutions in my head. Which is also incredibly difficult. Honestly I am hoping things will improve with my capacity to do mental math. Wish me well on that. To bootI have also been working on my health and went to see my OB GYN, had my sleep study and now am going for a sleep doctor checkup tomorrow and will update y'all on that as well! At the moment, not much else to update on except that I am hoping to be blogging more often. and that I shall be livestreaming and podcasting very soon, mostly on twitch. Look out for me on there and check my tiktok more often, friends! And may fair winds follow you and the Author guide you!
Sorry, y'all for not writing much since my last post... It's been an entire year now, huh? Well, heyuu again ladies and gents! Anyhow, life began to settle down a tad, only to get confusing and chaotic again. We moved in around July 2015 and enjoyed the house lots... But then we realized the hard way that we couldn't afford it... So I have lots of news about that... and other things;
...Yet Again...
Well, after a year of living in this awesome house, we are moving out yet again.... But it's gonna be a wee bit different this time. My brother and I are being nudged out of the nest and having to move now. Well, that isn't unheard of; (haha!) after all, Aric's 26 and I am about to turn 23 in 2 weeks... This scared me a lot at first... But, now even though I have butterflies in my tummy, I at peace with this knowledge... and almost excited about it, too! I have to prove to my mother that I can handle living on my own without living in a group home. And to do that, I must keep my room clean, manage my dishes well, stretch my money as long as I can, and stretch my food throughout the month. I'm pretty confident that I can do this, but it is taking me a wee bit of time to do it. To many people, this is just their daily routine... For me, though, it is a struggle...
Within 9 Months...
Daddy made me aware that he is going to aim to change his name to either MacKenzie or MacMillan within 9 months. To add to that, he said he is adopting my brother and myself. After 17 years of waiting, I'm almost broke down on my own, cuz I was so filled with joy. I have been hoping for this for so long, so gimme a break! lolz!
Welp, I changed my style up a wee bit to Hippy Goth. Obviously it's a Christianized Version of it! Just trying to find myself. And I think I have :) I feel comfortable with my choice in style. Hopefully growing out my mullet so I can have long hair agree and I plan to dye my hair auburn red and black, in highlights! xD So far, though, I am hiding my mullet with hats, scarves, and hoodies. lolz!
Conclusion
I really do have more to update y'all on, but I am pressed for time and can only update this post when on the library pc's for the time being and I have to run to Celebrate Recovery here soon! If y'all ever want more consistent updates, go visit on my instagrams and tumblrs:
Hello to all my loverlies! Life has been a rough ride lately. I've been struggling with depression and not wanting to connect with humanity. I've been afraid to do as the Lord called me to do. I've also been so absorbed by the news lately. But, otherwise, I am about to turn 22 in 11 days and life is a blessing! I have been fairly consistent in my birthday countdown and listening to new music by bands/artists that follow me on instagram and twitter and writing plent of poems on wattpad:
Work and Insecurities
I will be hopefully working at the New Day Clubhouse with a slight possibility of living there too! I am excited to get more active in my adult life! It gives me some butterflies in my stomach, but it is a healthy nervousness... :) Though there are some good things in my life, been overcome by shame and fear over my actions and the insanity of the world. It makes it hard to trust my instincts and to trust God. Even though I say I trust and believe in His grace, I feel as though that is a mask rather than faith... For some strange reason, I trust Satan's lies more than God's truth... and that grieves me.
Birthday Time!
I took Gramma out to eat at Jason's Deli instead of Nose Dive and it was nice to get some time with her... She bought me water dancing speakers and a scarf:
I enjoy these a lot and I look forward to my birthday (and my Gramma's, Aunt's, Daddy's, and Cousin's) that is coming up! :D
Conclusion
Also, I started up a ligtformi instagram! Looking forward to getting onto that. I'll be writing several books soon, but I've come across some writer's block... which isn't fun! I've also taking upon myself the responsibility of mentoring a friend in the faith. I am finding that hard for me to do, but I feel it is God's hand guiding me in... but I admit that I maybe wrong... But, prayers in all of this would be appreciated! And I love ye all! Anyhoo peace out rock on and be good! bai bai!!!
Well, I have been away of late for a while, eh? Well, I don't really have an excuse for it, but I do have a reason... Been depressed for a bit. I allowed my past to kinda control my decisions. But I'm rising up again now.
A Ragamuffin Saint
So, lately it has been a difficult time, been feeling as though I am rotting away. It's weird, but I have pulled the response of the Israelites wishing they had died in Egypt or remained slaves... Whine, whine, whine, grumble and complain... I am certain that I very often make God as sickened from my dizzying mood swings and waywardness as much as I am certain I sicken myself, my family and friends...Sometimes I wonder very often if I am too much of a handful for my family and friends... I am certain that I am too much of a handful for myself... but I am just glad I am not too much for God!
God certainly hasn't given up on me, and for that I am very grateful. He's constantly calling out for me. Through the things I read, watch, write, and listen to. So I will not give up on myself anymore... Starting to pick back up the pieces of my shattered hopes and dreams and give them up to God once more... I now know that in believing in Christ's love, mercy and grace, that it isn't like how I thought it was... I don't say, "Jesus, come into my heart. Amen." and then suddenly have a holy upward spiral of success in the faith... It's not about having faith in Christ then you are magically and completely converted that moment and no longer have struggles with the same darned sin... It's about having faith in Christ and the continuous transformation and growth in faith. Being framed and reframed and reframed again until we come to Heaven. When we die and go up into paradise, that's when we our transformation will completed. As long as we breathe in this world, we will always be growing, we never stop!
Stuff that is happening....
I've been writing a lot lately... Of Love and Courage is somewhat popular amongst my fans and followers on Wattpad... I dunno if it really is that great, but many folks think it is... So, here you can be the judge of it.
I've also decided to be selling my service as a digital artist on fiverr! I'm hoping it will be a success... Today, I just started listening to Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning! It is good so far from what I have heard. It has a radical and earth-shattering message in it. So far, I'd say it is a good read and suggest it to others!
Conclusion
I'm trying to figure things out in my faith. Still trying to know where I stand. According to my parents, I will be trying to do this for a while... I am in the process of taking my faith as my own, still and so I am testing the waters. Prayers during this time, my brothers and sisters in Christ, would be much needed and appreciated... So, I'mma leave you with this question [one I will be pondering myself as well...] Do you believe that Jesus loves you? I mean really truly unconditionally... Do you live your life as if Jesus loves you no matter what you do, how you feel, where you're at etc.? Think on that and God bless you all;
Well, hello again, folks! Been an interesting time since I last posted... I believe things are really improving since my visit with my therapist. 'T'was a difficult road, and it still will be, for a time. I've been spending time in Scripture and prayer, have aimed to apply what I have promised to my therapist, doctor and my parents. Hmm... Still in the process of leaving my past and my fears behind, where it should be. A difficult feat, but I truly aim for full recovery. God's grace goes before me, and though I don't always feel it, I know it is the truth. My projects are coming along, but I'm going to set a general schedule for my day tonight to improve the process of my recovery, homeschool and my projects.
Events (and Things I Look Forward To)
Mum's birthday is coming up (on February 5th)! I'm thinking about making her something with my talents, she'd treasure it more, even if it is a small and simple thing. Then, I am hoping to take my little sister to go to the Winter Jam 2015 the day after mum's bday! We're both looking forward to it! And then there's February 12th, I shall be going back to the library for the second Writing Show, hosted by the Hub City Writer's Project, about writing food in stories... This one was the one I was looking forward to most(that and the one about writing wars in story on May 14)! Red is coming out with their newest album on the 24th! I really want to have it, but I do not have the money to buy it just yet... So, February is busy, busy, and filled with things! And I've been setting plans for my trip in April... We're trying to see if we can visit IL, with our friend Kindy, instead of TX, and to go there from April 9th-16th then go to have a week or two with Savvy in IN... Just hoping I'll be able to afford this trip!
Conclusion
And so, with all that said, it's a wonder I've not lost my mind due to the heavy weight of promises, commitments, and responsibilities that I must bear due to all this good news and hopes that I have raised. It is a lil burdensome, however, it's very exciting and something I really take pleasure in doing! I just hope I don't completely lose it due to the stress... probably already have though :P So, uhm...hmmm.... *wonders if I should break the commitment to take that sabbatical from April to July* welp, peace out! Rock on! and...
Been one of those weeks... I fell behind in my commitments to keep doing my dailyaudiobible and the do the 40 days of prayer... But things are beginning to pick up as well. My daddy and I began working on how we react towards each other... which is wonderful!
I've been working on another sequel to "The Alchemist's Sanctuary" (prequel to "Faith in the Unknown") based on "So Far Away" by RED... Hoping to finish it very soon!
Also, I did an actual personality test...I got:
66% INFP
12% ENFP
6% INFJ
4% ENTP
4% ISFP
I saw sides of me in it that I didn't acknowledge before and it was very eye opening... 0.0.
INFP
Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.
ENFP
Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.
INFJ
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.
ENTP
Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.
ISFP
Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what's going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.
Anyway... Onto Other Things...
Homeshool's coming along... (pfft... YEAH RIGHT!) Beginning science lessons about light! :D ....sigh... I really wish I knew what to write... Been very depressed, have writer's block, and stuff really aren't going that well... so really, all I will say in this part is please be praying for me, my family, and my friend Savvy and Caroline... I am really overwhelmed now... I need to focus on what is here, now, in my family and my life... and I need to help my friend Savvy, cuz there I know I have the ability to aid... with Caroline, no...
Conclusion
Welp, since there ain't much to say... and I am wasting a whole bunch of time procrastinating.... I shall say why postpone til tomorrow whatcha can do TODAY? so peace out! Rock on! And....
[[PS lyrics come from "Give it Up" by Eleventyseven]]
EXTRA UPDATE!!!: Also, almost completely forgot about this; I will be aiming to grow my hair til it is 12inches WHILE CURLED until I can donate it! The next haircut I aim to get AFTERWARD is similar to this one:
The highland games was quite fun, Saturday! It was just extremely fun... hot... but cooled down a LOT by 4pm... I hadn't gotten one sunburn, and nobody got sick, which was a first. Uncle Bill and Aunt Becky were there... And daddy made the decision to wear his kilt everyday... oh my...
There were 20 Pipes and Drums bands this year... more than there has EVER been in the 8 years they've hosted this so it was phenomenal and awe-inspiring to hear them playing as one!
Well, when we got home... I was hot and very tired, but we cleaned the apartment a lil and then headed to bed, to prepare for the company the next day... We had some great fun then too! The parents went and watched The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy... and (most) of the kids stayed in the living room, playing video games and drawing, talking, and designing graphics... One of the guys, Aaron, helped me with the designing of this blog! :D
Also, I moved my radio show here, and this blog will now be a personal one! The weekly posts here are different from there too, if you have not noticed the sidebars! So, yeah! I hope you all have a greatrest of the day, and I will try to update both of my blogs!
UPDATE: I found this on Tumblr... and it's SUPPOSED to be for when I'm asked any of these... but I REALLY just wanted to answer them all here just for the sake of it(only cuz I've not done these tags in YEARS):
Hair: What hair color looks best on you and what's your natural color?
Auburn looks best on me…(or so I’ve heard) my natural hair color is a
chocolate brown that looks black most times and shoots red vein-like
highlights when the sun hits it
Skin: Do you tan easily? Yes, quite easily... I burn then I tan :P
Eyes: What is your favorite show to watch? My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Nose: What is your favorite perfume/candle fragrance? Vanilla Candle
Mouth: Do you want to kiss anyone right now? Yes.
Tongue: What was in your last meal?
Pizza (Canadian Bacon and Hamburger)
Windpipe: Do you sing?
Yes, I sing… often times too much… I sing in solitude, when in public,
and have random outbursts amongst my circle of family and friends.
Neck: Do you wear necklaces? Sometimes.
Ears: How many piercings do you have (if any)? None
Cheeks: Do you blush easily? Yes, I blush when I'm happy, embarrassed, and too manic
Wrists: Have you ever broken a bone? No
Hands: Are you an artist/writer? Yup!
Fingers: Do you play an instrument? Yes. A guitar, a Scottish tin whistle, and recycled precussion(bottles, ice cream cartons, etc.)
Heart: Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know? Yes, but he doesn't know
Lungs: Do you smoke cigarettes? Nope.
Chest: Are your maternal/parental instincts strong? yup...
Stomach: Do you feel confident in your body image? aye.
Back: Are you a virgin? mhmm...
Hips: Do you like to dance? yes, but not in front of people(unless I'm way deep into God, spiritually... that's when everyone kinda disappears for me)
Thighs: Has anyone ever called you fat or ugly? yes, to both.
Knees: Have you ever cheated on someone? nope
Ankles: Have you ever been arrested? uh... nope...
