Her passion and imagination was so vast and so wild, it came curling from the top of her head
~M.J. FAHEL MCKIMZEY |
I'm a brave ragamuffin princess raised in SC! Bookdragon, Blogger, Vlogger Scriptsmith, Artisan ,&; Bard for Christ.
Think of a situation in your life that is difficult, that is causing you stress. Bring the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body.
Now, say to yourself:
"This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. I will treat this suffering with compassion and kindness."
INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Compassion is the courage to descend into the reality of human experience."
- PAUL GILBERT
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS
Write a note to yourself from the perspective of an unconditionally loving imaginary friend:
Dear Ari, I know you've been hurt in places that should be safe. I know you have been cast out. Left, abandoned and betrayed. I know these things bring an aching and an emptiness to your heart. I know you've been hurt again recently. Life isn't treating you well. But I know you will overcome these trials. There is beauty in pain. This isn't your fault. It is their loss. You did nothing wrong. So wear your scars fearlessly. Rise up from the ashes and dust yourself off and carry on. I believe in you. I will be cheering you on. Take heart, have courage, keep the faith, dahling.
By asking WHY three times we go beyond the surface-level habitual responses and get to the real root of a question or problem.
or.... yesterday's, now
lolz
as it is 12am
but can I ask you? Savannah
Sure
Ari
gimme a moment, doing these challenges get harder and harder each day. Savannah
Haha
Ari
xP
first one will be why do you think I struggle so hard with forgiving myself? Savannah
I think it's because you have low self esteem
Ari
why do you think low self esteem is such a relevant issue in my life? Savannah
I think it's because you've been emotionally abused by a lot of people starting with your biological father. And depression plays a huge part in that as well
Ari
then lastly, why, as in what is the greatest obstacle I face which stops me from overcoming this flaw of mine? Savannah
Moving out of your parents house.
I feel your daddy is constantly criticizing you unnecessarily and it makes you worse.
Ari
he, too, thinks I'll grow more, once I move out
INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY
"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."
- ANDRE GIDE
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS
A recent fear that I would like to overcome …
Why does this fear make me feel scared and uncomfortable?
Why does matter to me that I overcome this fear?
Why have I been previously been unable to overcome this fear?
The fear of letting go and trusting. It weighs me down in my spiritual growth.
Trusting people and the Lord requires to face the unknown. It also require to let go of what I want to believe to be true. It requires facing and letting go of memories of being let down by the very people one would think you could trust.
It matters to me that I overcome this, because I don't want to be held back anymore. I want to trust God some much that my confidence is in Him alone. I wanna get on with my life without always limping spiritually.
Each time I try to overcome this fear, though, something happens to trip me up and I give up. When I rise enough, to walk, someone else betrays me, another person abandons me, someone strikes an unhealed wound, and I'm hiding again...
"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength."
- CRISS JAMI
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS
A weakness that I’m struggling with …
Today, I will be courageously vulnerable by sharing my weakness with the following person …
I am still struggling with standing up for myself and facing the fear of rejection. In order to learn to stand for myself, I feel that I must realize that I am worth standing up for. It takes a lot to get there, however. I must come to terms with being who I am. The steps I am taking to do that is forgiving my biological father, being at peace with being his daughter, learning to honour God's decision to create me through him, letting go of the bitterness and fear of being abandonned, and learning to not judge myself by who my father is. I think, then I'll be able to stand up for myself both against myself and others. however, last night I already was vulnerable about it with another friend. But I can be vulnerable about it once more with my friend, Savannah. May fair winds follow you all and the Author guide you!
Gawsh I missed a day, yesterday. So I need to catch up and do both challenges today. So without further ado....
Day 7/30:
TODAY'S BRAVE ACT
1. Raise your hands in the air.
2. Breathe into this power stance, own it.
3. Then audibly declare:
"I am the hero of my own story!"
INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"If you are not the hero of your own story, then you're missing the whole point of your humanity."
- STEVE MARABOLI
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS
If my life was a movie and it started today, what would the hero do?
What old routines and patterns would the hero break?
What new habits would the hero replace those old habits with?
She would take each day as it comes. One step at a time to be the best person she can be. She would place her trust in Christ, and grow in confidence and faith. She would await the rising of the sun, with excitement, take on the day, fearlessly. She would push through the afternoon with endurance. Then she would take pleasure in watching the sun set. Each step she took would bring her closer to God.
She would break the cycle of monotony. And release her self-hatred, bitterness, shame and guilt. She'd break her habit of battling with those who aren't her enemy. Then she would become courageous with her time. She'd learn to treat herself with kindness, release anything that sickens her heart, then be forgiving of herself and any who came across her path.
Day 8/30:
TODAY'S BRAVE ACT
Water someone else's seed of intention:
Bring a friend to mind who you know is capable and gifted in a certain way.
Send them some words of encouragement letting them know you see that in them.
Who knows, a little nudge of confirmation could be all that friend needs to begin their own brave adventure.
INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination."
- ROMAN PAYNE
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS
Who made you feel good this week? What did they say?
I don't know this person well, but she's a beautiful lady and good friend. She came to me, yesterday, sending quotes to me to encourage me. Afterward she spoke 4 simple sentences that put my heart at peace; "Proud of our scars. Shows we survive. Love you my beautiful sis. Hope you like those."
I am blessed to have friends like this. I need them everyday, and am grateful for them. I love them more than I can express. May fair winds always follow them and the Author guide their steps.
Choose one metric to use that can measure the results of your 30-day goal.
Measuring progress will help me stay on track, reach my target dates, and experience the achievement that will propel me to bravely charge forth in the face of fear.
INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"If you don’t know where you are going, you might not get there."
- YOGI BERRA
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS:
I have 24 days left in my 30-day goal to (insert 30-day goal) .
Which means within two weeks, I need to (insert 2-week goal) .
Which means in a week, I need to (insert 1-week goal) .
Which means in the next three days, I need to (insert 3-day goal) .
To hit that 3-day goal, today I need to (insert today's goal) .
30-day goals:
Being more creative with my time
Losing ten pounds
Standing up for myself
Within 2 weeks I need to:
Create at least 14 pieces of art
Lose 5 pounds
Know when to stand for myself and when to conform
In a week I need to:
Create 7 pieces of art
Exercise for 15 minutes, daily
Verbally forgive myself, daily
In the next 3 days I need to:
Create 3 pieces of art
Weigh myself
Grow in faith a lil more
Today I need to:
Clean room
Walk for about 15 minutes
Take a moment of the day to pray, meditate, read scripture, do my daily challenge.
Before we get to today's challenge. I wanted to share my mum's and my ministry! I'll be bringing it back to life as soon as I can! take a peek!
(click the pic)
TODAY'S BRAVE ACT:
Spend time listening to your thoughts of 'not enough.'
These voices of 'not enough' are there because there's something to be learned. Today, write down all the ways you’ve been telling yourself you are not enough. Thank those thoughts for helping you better understand yourself, and let them go as you say, “I am enough.”
INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"You are enough, just as you are. Each emotion you feel, everything you do in your life, everything you do or do not do… where you are and who you are right now is enough. It is perfect. You are perfect enough."
- MELANIE JADE
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
My favorite quality about myself is my stubbornness to persevere. And my willingness to face the world with silent courage minute after after of ever day after day.
My favorite flaw is my mental illness, with it I learn to be creative, see the light within the darkness and to persevere everyday. With it, God molds me into a stronger and more compassionate person.
How would I define feeling 'enough' as it relates to me personally?
Why do my voices of ‘not enough’ exist? What are they trying to tell me?
How can I grow by spending time listening to these voices?
Today, I went to a therapy appoint and during which time, We analyzed this very thing. I didn't know until I processed it now. I had to fill in a Chain Analysis of Problem Behaviour Worksheet on my most recent selfharming incident (burning).... While, filling in all the links, I realized it was basically a bunch of ways I was saying that I wasn't enough.
Selfharming: Burning, cutting, punching, picking etc.
"What's the point in fighting the urge?",
"One won't hurt" (by the end, I had seven burns)
"I did not say I wouldn't burn."
Not forgiving myself for things
Not sleeping at night
Taking my meds late
Not keeping up with my hygiene
Overeating/skipping meals
To feel enough for me would be that I have to be stronger than everyone else. I have to be always kind, always strong, always able to give my care to people. I'd have to always be on my best behaviour, not giving into addictions, my anger, and not hurting people. I can't be weak, I can't cry. I can't be human basically.... or at least that's what I tell myself. I got to be the perfect person, able to give whatever I need to, to others.
I always thought the voices of not being enough came from the abandonment of my father, the way the church as a whole has treated me. The fact that I am my father's daughter and not technically my daddy's daughter. I feel like I have to earn my daddy's love, I have to earn God's love, I have to earn my forgiveness... It's my biggest stumbling block. Makes it hard on me, especially when I know I can't earn it. I'm that fallen.
Realizing that, true, I'm not enough on my own standards. That is why I have a perfect God. And yes, though I am so desperately wicked and broken, God still has chosen me. And once I learn to trust God and have confidence in His love and grace, I can have confidence that I am enough in Him. Listening to the voices and then responding in that way will help me to realize that as a ragamuffin, I only need to receive the love of God as a child receives it and then I will find peace in it.
Breathing out that unnecessary tension in the body and mind.
INSPIRING QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"There is only one time that is important – NOW! It is the most important time because it is the only time that we have any power."
- LEO TOLSTOY
TODAY'S WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:
TODAY'S JOURNAL PROMPTS:
A past moment that left me feeling powerless or afraid …
How can I let go of that limiting past experience based on what I now know?
The moments when I wasn't welcome in public places because of my mental illness left me feeling vulnerable and afraid to show my face in new places. Especially in church as I'm treated less than sane. It leaves me questioning the integrity and ingenuity of the Church, and love and compassion of Christ. Makes me wonder if I am absolutely alone in this world, cast off from fellowship with God and His people... It leaves me fearing that I am not saved due to my ailments and enraged with the church.
I can carry on in the knowledge that God is not His people. His is perfect. He is full of compassion. He is just and kind. He is love. He is truth. I can learn to remember that the church is full of human beings and thus it is full of broken sinners, only forgiven through their faith, by grace as I am. If I let it go by remembering no man under the sun is perfect and that even if one is forgiven, we are still human, I can learn to carry on, in fellowship and forgiveness with the Church and also can learn to forgive myself.
Luceo no uro,
P.S. I wrote this poem today:
I Am Christian
Copyright (C) 2017 Mari Fahel McKimzey
I am Christian. If my music tastes mirrors that, it's just the way I am.
I am Christian. If my creations and life reflects a Christian life, then I'm glad.
I am Christian. Is that really so sad that I believe in something greater than myself?
I am Christian. That doesn't mean I am perfect, far from so
I am Christian. What it does mean is that I am desperately wicked but also radically forgiven.
I am Christian. You may say believing this will only make a fool of me.
And what if you're right? But I'd rather live as though what Christ said was true and be buried with no afterlife
Than live as though what Christ said wasn't true and be damned to hell
Because, what if you're wrong? And Christ truly is who He said He was?
I am Christian. Which means I am a little Christ.
